My Two Year Old Is Obsessed with My Tummy

Updated on May 11, 2013
L.B. asks from New Rochelle, NY
11 answers

I am wondering if anyone else has a problem like this... My son has always been very affectionate and also kind of needy. He is obsessed with rubbing my tummy, and rather than tapering off as he gets older, he is getting more intense. Especially when he is upset or trying to go to sleep, he has a near frantic need to put his hand on my bare tummy, and he will start trying to move my clothes to get a it. Ever since his brother was born two weeks ago, he has gotten more obsessed with this ritual, and will throw wild tantrums if he can't get a feel. My belly seems to function as his lovey, and my attempts to get him attached to a stuffed animal have been in vain. I have been trying to wean him from this habit for a long time because a) it really irritates me sometimes and b) more importantly, I have noticed him try to do the same thing with grandma and teachers at preschool, etc., and I'm really worried that he will get in trouble someday or even worse, that his actions will be misinterpreted. I can't decide on a course of action, and I realize I've been inconsistent. If you were me, would you try to cut him off completely, would you tell him it's okay to do with mommy and no one else, or would you put up with it for a while longer? (I draw the line at scratching, which he tries to do occasionally.) He has taken the birth of his brother really hard, even though I give him as much attention as humanly possible now, and I don't know if this is the wrong time to try to stop this behavior that comforts him. But on the other hand, he is getting more aggressive and needy about it, and it is annoying to me.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Ugh. I understand. For mine it was playing with my hair. I have seen other behaviors with other little kids. Little obsessions. It will probably calm down soon.

Have you ever read The Five Love Languages? I believe my youngest's love language is physical touch. Probably your child's language.
Or he is sensory seeking. Or both.

I suggest you haven't found your child the right lovey yet. If he is not crazy about it in the store, find something else.

my son loved anything especially soft, or silky or satin or had fringe. If you tried a satin pillow, I think you might be able to switch him.especially if you slept on it for a while. Sounds like a puppy!
Keep trying!

7 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My DD likes my tummy, too. I think it's residual from when I nursed her and held her close. So I get it. But I've told her that 1. you don't rub people's bellies without their permission, 2. you don't mess with people's clothes, and 3. you don't do either of those in public. I think that even if he throws a tantrum, he's capable of understanding that no, you can't rub mommy's tummy. If he's feeling jealous about the baby, find other ways to comfort him and remind him that he's still very important to you. At first I just moved DD's hand and said, "No bellies" and later said more firmly, "I don't like that. Stop." I would warn others and encourage them to set boundaries with him. You might also simply try holding his hand when he sleeps, so he can't touch your belly instead. It may be a comfort to him without encouraging the behavior you don't want.

4 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Little ones are funny this way.
My youngest had a habit of grabbing and massaging her ear while she nursed, and she continued to do this when she drank milk out of a sippy cup, and even a regular cup. She did this all the way through the first grade! Of course when she was at school she was very subtle about it, and had long hair, so it wasn't that noticeable.
So yes, it's normal, but I can see where it would get annoying.
I think I would treat it like weaning. He obviously gets comfort from it, and with a new baby you don't want to cut him off cold turkey, but you can wean him.
I would start with day time, say, no, no tummy right now. Go get a book, let's read a story (or have a snack or whatever.) Be consistent. Remind him tummy time is for bed time only.
Once he stops during the day you can start to cut it out at bedtime too. Just go slow, give him some time, two is still pretty young. But when you say no, always follow through.
Be prepared for some tears though. Taking this away is no different than taking away the breast or bottle or paci, it's a comfort thing. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Honestly, if it's getting aggressive, you will need to just cut it off completely. I'd find a lovey with a big tummy and try to redirect first; I'd also be very clear that if he doesn't stop, you will go out of the room.

I wouldn't put up with it for too long, mainly because when mom doesn't say 'stop', the kids just don't understand that it's not socially frowned upon. I have a relative who let her children fondle her breasts when they were nursing, and then as they were older, they'd grab her when she was comforting them. I don't think she realized that they just do not differentiate between 'only mom' -- until her then-8 year old copped a feel while hugging me. Um, no. That was an awkward conversation with the mom. All that to say, this is why you teach them how to treat ALL people's bodies early on.

You might also try letting him fall asleep on his own with a long book on disc instead of your presence.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well this is funny, sorry.

My son, when a toddler... LOVED MY ARMPITS!
It was "cozy" to him. His words.
And "smelled like Mommy."
And, according to him, he liked the "pokey" feeling of it. ie: my armpit hair stubble.
LOL!
Anyway, he's 6 now. He outgrew it...but he still remembers SO fondly... those days.
He also liked, my Husband's face beard stubble.
He'd sit there and rub it and look so... blissful.

Sure my son had a Lovey.
It never really bothered me.

4 moms found this helpful

~.~.

answers from Tulsa on

Goodness, this is just like my son! I think it had to do with nursing, because especially whenever he would drink a cup of milk, he had to have his hand on my stomach. If he was ever scared or upset, putting his hand on my stomach would calm him down. I eventually had to wean him off of it. It would get annoying so I put a date on the calendar and said he couldn't touch my stomach anymore after that date. We did a countdown to it and it mostly worked. He would still try every once in a while. He's 6 now and if ever sees my stomach, like when I'm reaching for something, he'll run over and try to touch it.

4 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

really really just need to stop this. "NO". put a stop to it. every single time. i think once you start being consistent with it he will get the message. he won't like it, but just like anything else in life - there are rules. you must change this habit. as you have said it is inappropriate for him to be doing this around others, much less TO other women. ugh...how embarrassing.

he is of course feeling insecure because of the baby - so make sure he gets plenty of attention and one-on-one time with mom. 2 is still a baby. and obviously he is a bit more sensitive/clingy than some 2 year olds might be. but no should mean no, i'm sorry. that is not acceptable behavior.

all of us have had little ones do embarrassing things, it's not just you. my son pulled up my skirt in the middle of a family function once. it's just not okay. but you really have to put a stop to it. only you can, after all.

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F.B.

answers from New York on

Mine liked patting mine and identifying it when we were first learning the parts of the body. His interest waned with time. Sounds like you tummy touching is a whole different kettle of fish.

Poor baby, he's undergoing a whole lot of change. Can you possibly bear to indulge this neediness for a while longer?

There are certain annoying things our DS does, that we indulge, because we don't want to find ourselves saying no to everything. After his night time bath, he asks for a yellow towel, no an orange one, no a yellow one, no an orange one, no a yellow one. We play along and let him have the upper hand in that arena.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

He is old enough to understand short explanations and directions. AV's rules are perfect - 1. you don't rub people's bellies without their permission, 2. you don't mess with people's clothes, and 3. you don't do either of those in public.

He needs to ask first, and you can set guidelines on when, where, and for how long. You can also start talking about body stuff, how our bodies are ours, etc. Start teaching him about personal space, how to be nice to others, how to touch, not touch, etc.

You could also try to switch him to his own tummy, or holding your hand or something - a gradual changeover. He's adjusting to a lot - new sibling, plus his brain is changing and he is becoming more aware of the fact that he is a separate person from you. He may need some extra reassurance, so maybe be MORE direct with non-tummy related snuggles and comfort for a bit. It might help with the transition.

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C.P.

answers from Albuquerque on

How old is your son? I'd think that if he's old enough, you should have a talk about "my body" and "your body" with regards to personal space, privacy, good/bad touch, etc. My dd doesn't have a "lovey" part of my body, but she always wants to sit/cuddle with me, and I'm one of those people who *needs.personal.space*! I had the talk with her about how there are times I'd love to cuddle with her, but it's not okay for her to just plop on top of me anytime she feels like it. She tries to "fluff" me like a pillow and I tell her I don't like how that feels, or she'll lean on me with an elbow and I'll tell her to move because it hurts.

It is important for our kids to know that we love them and how to be affectionate, but they also need to learn boundaries and respect for their bodies (and others). A lot of this may have to do with baby brother (especially if you "used to" let him rub your belly when baby brother was in there), but I still think it's something you need to work on.
Good luck mama!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Not sure if this is a good idea or not, but could you have him switch to his own belly? He is so little that the comfort feeling can't just be cut off cold turkey but will need to be replaced with something else. My thoughts are that you can misplace a lovey or a nuk or a stuffed animal but he will always have his tummy!

1 mom found this helpful
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