My Toddler Is Having a Hard Time Playing with Others!

Maybe you should try getting her to socialize with other kids as well. She may be starting to get stranger fear of seperation anxiety. Try getting involved with a playdate every week or going to the park to get her exposed to other kids. Also, she may not be getting enough attention from the new sitter. It sounds like she has her hands pretty full. Also, if everyone is younger than her, she may need to be challenged by someone older than her. If she was used to someone her own age before and now everyone is behind her mentally, she may be frustrated, especially if the sitter can't giver her enough one on one time. Good luck.

K.,
Don't fret. Chloe is nearly 2, she is in completely new surroundings that are different from what she has known all her life. I am of the opinion that children are very resilient. You are wise to realize that she has not been around a lot of children, other than her Gym friends, and you are always in that mix. Apparently you trust this new sitter, or your kids would not be there. Trust her to let Chloe grow, and adjust to the new environment at her own pace. Develope a 'ritual' for delivering her to the sitter. A special kiss, a special dance, or something to make the arrival fun! Then stick with it everyday and when you leave--just be very matter of fact, and be gone. She will cry when you leave, that's OK. But if the sitter spends her time trying to pacify the cry...she is really prolonging it. Just have her reassure Chloe that Mom/Dad will be back, and move on. It may take a while, but Chloe will learn that its OK, Mom/Dad always come back. Her playing alone shouldn't be an issue, be glad she can entertain herself... some kids must have a playmate or a parent in attendance all the time. This can get very tiring. As for the crying when the sitter puts her down, I believe she does it to get the sitter to pick her up again. And it works! By doing that, the sitter is teaching her that everytime she wants something all she has to do is cry, and she'll get her way. Kids are SMART! They know what works, and they use it. Chloe is also commanding all the sitters attention when she's being held, and it seems that this is what she wants. Don't try to label her. She sounds like a normal 2 year old with simple adjustment needs. All kids go through them. Eventually, she will see that the other kids are having fun playing together, and that she is 'left out' (by her own choice). When she realizes this, she will inclued herself in joint play. I believe that if the sitter simply notices her need for attention with a hug and moves on, Chloe will learn that the crying is not a proper tool to use for attention.(this will not happen in one day, or overnight. The Sitter must be on board to stick with it for a while, until Chloe understands) She needs to be noticed and praised/held/hugged when she is getting along and behaving well. Perhaps small rewards-out of the blue- for playing nicely or being happy instead of crying.(a happy face sticker, to match her 'happy face')She will learn to use positive behavior as a way to get the attention.
Remember too, that she is probably still adjusting to a 7 month old sibling...when you're 2, you still need a lot of attention, you're the center of the Universe! and baby brother has infringed on that a bit. Not to worry, kids have been adjusting to new siblings for hundreds of years...Chloe will be fine, it just may take time and positive reinforcement from you, your husband and the new sitter. I will pray that all the wrinkles are smoothed out soon. Develope a plan and stick with it! As adults, we sometimes decide after a day or two, 'This is not working'.... We must be prepared to out-last the child's button pushing techniques. Otherwise, the child is in control.

K., she's 23 months, so on top of her not wanting to be away from mom and dad, she also is going through terrible twos. i had to laugh when i read you mentioning autism because this is so normal what she's going through. i have to ask you why is she in in home daycare and not a bigger setting? the reason i am asking is because if she were to go to a 'structured' place she would be with her age group and doing stuff appropriate for her age, while this babysitter will have to do stuff involving the younger kids too, so that will get old very fast for her. just my two cents. consider putting her in somewhere with her age kids. she might love that.
also. . .my kids aren't big socializers :). in fact they would rather play imaginary stuff alone or with one another (3 year old twins) that play with other kids. but i have never thought it's a developmental problem, more like they just don't want to.
good luck to you

At two, kids still play by themselves. They normally do not play "together" with other kids until they are 3ish. Your daughter seems like she is having a normal reaction to the changes in her life. Give her some extra time and talk to her. Simple understanding words may help her get more comfortable with the situation. Godd luck.

K. - I completely agree with Suzanne. I am a home child care provider and this is just normal behavior - especially for a littleone only going to childcare 2 days a week. It is especially hard for the toddlers to get used to someone new if they are only seeing her twice a week. My part timers take so much longer to adjust to me than my full timers. I normally give it a month or two for my part timers. Hang in there - Does your Provider let her bring a special something from home to help her adjust? I normally let a blanket or t-shirt or special lovey come from home for a short time for adjusting purposes. As long as it causes no problems with the other children I wouldn't see where it would be a big issue and it may help her adjust to being away from mom and dad. Oh - if you are aprehensive in dropping her off to child care she will feel that and it will make things harder for her - kids are very preceptive and if they feel things are weird they will react to it KWIM? Good Luck - I think she'll be fine :0)

Hi K.,
I wouldn' be worried at all.
Is a primary teacher have I been dealing with this for so many years.
Children has to go through adjustments. Some react quite early and some later. I usually say that it's better if the reaction comes earlier, because then if they drag it with in them the reaction that comes later is more rough on them.
As long as you and your husband are concistent with her, and talk to her about all the positive things at the daycare mom, she will go through it. Let her take the time she needs - that can be everything from 2 weeks to 3 months, BUT, she has to make the decision to when she is ready and not you two.
Consictancy is the most important factor to help her go through this time.
Good Luck,
L.

Hi K.,

Your child is going through a grief from the change. She will be fine once she gets accustomed to her new surroundings. I know, it is annoying to have to hold a baby when you want to get othe things done but this is life. Children need that comfort when they are hurting.

Patience is a virtue. Now you know why. Good luck. D.

If your child is at the sitter with all those children who are younger than she, I will guarantee it is impossible that she receives all the attention she needs. She is probably left on her own more, because she is the eldest. Your seven month old can't complain, can he?