My Toddler Doesn't Want to Go to Bed Anymore

Updated on August 22, 2008
A.M. asks from Ponca City, OK
8 answers

For the past two nights, my daughter has not wanted to go to bed. I know this is normal at her age, but I need advice on how to handle it. Nothing has changed in our house. We do the normal bedtime routine and she even "wants" to go to her bed, but the second I leave the room, she is up, screaming at the top of her lungs. She is jumping in her crib and screaming so bad, she is coughing really bad, almost to the point of choking herself up. I have tried the calm voice method and the firm voice, even yelled at her, (though I don't like to do that, it only seems to get her and I more worked up). Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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H.D.

answers from Jackson on

My daughter did this too, and I switched her to a toddler bed. I thought this might be dumb with her pitching a fit... because I thought she would get out of bed and run around... but it worked. She is potty-trained and just sick of her "baby bed". The first night in her toddler bed (after I told her the no getting up rule), she fell right asleep without a fuss. Just a suggestion, but it worked for us!! Good luck!!

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A.D.

answers from Fayetteville on

My son went through this at about the same age and I think he was just having too much fun exploring and playing to want to go to bed. I started letting him pick one toy to take to bed with him of a decent size (he did sleep with a giant helicopter a few times) and that seemed to fix it. It was a good compromise but I could still control when he went to bed and how. I'm sure some people think this was giving in or spoiling him, but he is very stubborn and I needed my evenings to reenergize for the next day! Also, a few months later he started waking up in the middle of the night and a night light fixed that, even though he had always slept in the dark before. Hope this helps until she grows out of this phase!

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A.Y.

answers from Jackson on

You were right about one thing this is a normal stage maybe you should try some organized events during the day to wear her out... like play dates or a trip to the park

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C.D.

answers from Oklahoma City on

my oldest grand daughter went through that too when she was three and my second to the oldest grand daughter here and there still goes through that she is now six and it started when she was three. so what we have done is; put a night light close as possible to thier bed. and some times even soft music at a low tone on a radio in thier room. and leave the door opened and your door opened and put a night light in the bath room. kids do go through scared of the dark issues. especially if they are having bad dreams at night. good luck, cc in okla.

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H.S.

answers from Texarkana on

Can she talk? Could she tell you if she were having bad dreams? She is old enough to realize that she may can get some control by screaming, though, too.
With all five kids, we went throught this, and the remedy wasn't always the same...
Some were manipulators.
Some were scared.
Some were having bad dreams, etc.

She could be genuinely scared...
Or...they all do it--it's called testing boundaries. If you feel this is what she's doing, then be consistent in whatever discipine or consequence you choose, and be calm and loving with her always. Something negative should take place when she won't go to sleep. This is a hard situation, though, and it really depends upon the kid, too. (The youngest of my five has been the worst, and I admit I have babied him far too much! I know too well, now, how quickly they grow up!)

Deciding what kind of cry she has could help you decide what course of action to take. As mothers, we tend to intuitively know a hurt cry from a scared cry, and pain cry from a hunger cry... you know. If she seems truly scared, you might have to talk with her about it or find out about dreams she's having?? For us, there have been times of both with different kids... Some would do it just to manipulate, LOL...others would be truly scared, and we would find out they were having nightmares, or the window looked scary at night. Bless their hearts.

I wonder if you could try training her at some other part of the day, when it's not bedtime. Get creative? Teach her it's not bad to be in it??? maybe a fun activity she enjoys and let it take place in the bed?
Then perhaps bedtime could be better?

One very stubborn (still is today) child we have pulled this each night at bedtime. Finally, we had exhausted all disciplinary options, hugged and kissed, etc. We went to bed, turned out all the mights, and left her standing there alone in the dark. After a few nights of this, she decided she would rather go to bed. ; )

I will pray you can get to the bottom of her bedtime struggles!

Blessings,
H.

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A.F.

answers from Tulsa on

My daughter has been doing the same thing recently. At first I tried to rock her to sleep but once I laid her down she'd wake up & we'd go through it all over again. After 2-3 night of this I finally shortened her nap time during the day and keep her up just a little bit later at night. I also give her a little bit of milk before bed. Now when she goes to bed she lays down & goes right to sleep. Hope this helps & good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

It might not be a stress in the environment but an internal stress, such as reaching some milestone, or working on one. Or maybe there is some change in the family or other aspect of her environment? Maybe it is stress that you are experiencing that she is picking up on. Being a single mom is so challenging!

Whether it's a milestone or something in her environment, just give her lots of extra love, not just at bedtime but during the day. Then, at bedtime, be willing to add a little extra getting-ready time and make it really sweet. Try to be patient. She will probably still fight because you two have gotten a little locked in to that mode; this will pass pretty quickly with patience.

Whatever else you do to ease the actual going-to-sleep part, this will probably help.

L.

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E.D.

answers from Oklahoma City on

my son went through something similar. he is a little older, where he is in a big boy bed and he kept getting up at 2 am to try to climb in bed with me. I asked him if there were monsters in his bedroom...with a very serious face he grabbed his blankie and said yes. so now in addition to our normal bed time routine, I kick the monsters out from under his bed and his old crib (which he still occasionally sleeps in)by telling them to go home to their mommies, then I grab what my husband has termed a monster lock (a round furniture mover)...which we put against the closet doors...knock three times and say no monsters will be coming in tonight! I then give the monster lock to my son and he practices knocking on the lock....just knowing he can lock them out and that he can yell at them to go home to their mommies has made bedtime easier! he feels empowered and protected at the same time!
good luck with your little one!

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