My Step Daughter Says She Hates Me....

R.
I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it must feel horrible. But like one of the other ladies mentioned you might want to have some one on one time with her. I'm sure all the anger she is feeling is towards her mother but being leashed out to you. Be patient with her. She will come around and believe me you one day you will be the most important person to her. Don't give up on her that'll be the worst mistake you could possibly make. It's going to be a hard road but soon enough she'll realize just how important and valuable you are to her. Good luck!

I felt as though I hated my own mom sometimes as a teenager and told her that(in anger) more times than I care to admit. Of course, now I know that I didn't really hate my mother, I loved her more than I could put into words. I was angry and hormonal and that is how teenage girls sometimes act. I knew I could hurt my mom and she would still love me. The anger I took out on her was really just the insecurities I felt towards myself. Moms of teenage girls have to be tough skinned. Maybe that's why God has blessed me with two wonderful boys, because I'm not. Just continue to be your self and love her even when it's hard and in a few years she'll come around and you two will be wonderful friends. Good luck to you both!

I know this is a difficult and hurtful thing. Teenagers' feelings run so strong and change often. Sounds like to me you have gotten great advice. Wonder if you could try and not take her hate you statement personally and maybe you guys could discuss more appropriate ways to express the feelings of anger. I am sure she is greatful that you are always there for her and she is probably confused about why her mom is not more involved in her life. Hang in there. Maybe you could respond with, I love you to counter her hate response. I would go into her room, give her a big hug and just listen to what ever may be on her mind. Good luck!
C.

I am sorry you are going through this - it can be a difficult situation for all involved. She probably has alot of guilt feelings - wanting you to be her mother, but feels bad for her birth mom. Just make sure she knows that you are there for her regardless, that she can always talk to you about her feelings without repercussions. The most important thing is to keep the communication open and the love flowing!

Good luck! I'll be praying for you all!

Hi R., I really don't think she hates you. She probably misses her mom. The teen years are so crazy, they have so many emotions that they have no idea what to do with. Unfortunately, you're going to have to get thick skinned and try not to let it bother you. Just know that she doesn't mean it. Just hug her and tell her you love her, that's all you can do. Hang in there, she won't be a teenager forever.

So she hates you when she wants you to be her real mom? It makes her feel disloyal to her birth parent - foster kids go through this regularly and often.

Sometimes they hate themself, sometimes they 'hate' the foster parents, and sometimes they hate their birth parents - but they don't feel like they can say that - so they say they hate you instead.

That said, hug her - love her, get her some counseling... get some for both of you.

S.

Well, R., at the moment she may think she does just because she is confused and angry about something she wants as a teenager. I am 80 years old, reared 4 children and 2 grandchildren. The grandchildren did not have a mother and the now 14 year old granddaughter is having a bit of a hard time because Dad has found someone he loves. Well, you see, a lot of times they don't like to share Dad's love and they would like to resent you and especially if you try to discipline in any way. So do not let her take advantage of your good nature, be sweet and loving to her, but firm. She'll get it one day and she will appreciate you. Good Luck!

Hi R.,

I am so sorry to hear of your situation! I would start off by trying to spend some quality time with her allowing as much time as possible. It would be a positive thing for you and your step daughter to plan a Mommy/Daughter date every week and for her Father to have a Father/Daughter date every week. She needs to hear positive, encouraging, loving words each and every day.

May God Bless your family!
R.

Hi R.,
I'm sure your feelings are very hurt, and you are concerned for your stepdaughter as well. I must tell you I have two sons and they both have told me they hate me! But I knew at the time that they loved me and they have come back to me since. At the time I said something like, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you don't mean it, but even if you do I want you to know that I still love you. I don't like when you talk to me like that, but I still love you."

Teen years are tough business and dealing with hormones, growth spurts, identity.......well, it is all big. I'm afraid your daughter may have a rougher time than the average girl considering some of her "baggage."

This is what I would suggest if you can afford it. Family counseling. This does not mean you are sucked into therapy for a year. Two or three sessions may do the trick, but I think it would be good for all of you. If not that, then find another adult ear for your daughter. Does she have an Aunt or grandparent she could confide in? In her heart she knows you love her and she loves you. I feel certain of that with what you have told us, but teens need other adults in their lives that they can turn to as well.

All that said. I know you feel crummy, but your daughter is having a natural guilt for loving you...she is feeling if she loves you that she is betraying her natural mother. Let her know it is okay for her to love you both, but acknowledge her feelings and assure her that you will still love her, even when you don't like some of things that come out of her mouth. Even if she misses her mom.