My Special Needs 5 Year Old Son Is Attacking My 7 Year Old Special Needs Girl

Hi M.,

I agree with Kristin L - this is a serious situation that is way too big for you to handle on your own. It sounds like you've already tried a behavior therapist once, but know that different therapists will try different things. If you have services through the Regional Center, talk to your case worker and demand support - they should be able to help in some way. If not, get those referrals to a child psychologist and psychiatrist as soon as you can. There are more intensive family services out there and you deserve them! Punishment often has the opposite effect, particularly when a child is acting out of hurt and anger, so as much as you can, be consistent with your boundaries and show as much love and compassion as possible. One intervention that I've heard works (sometimes) is to put a marker in your son's hand when he's angry and acting out and say something like "I know right now you're so angry with your sister and maybe even with me. Can you show me on this paper what that feels like?" It might help redirect his feelings and help him express them in a new way - at least until you can see a professional. It sounds like you're doing a great job - I hope you get the support you need.

I don't have advice on what to do, but I do have a question.... you stated your son was born deaf and at 3 was able to hear. He had severe hearing loss. What did they do at 3 to make him hear? My daughter (now 2) was born with severe hearing loss in one ear, the other is fine. I am just curious. No one can tell us why she was born that way, so she signs and is getting to talk a lot more.

Thanks.
Tammy/B. Family daycare
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Dear M.,

You have such a huge problem there that I suggest that you get that behaviorist back and make notes, and talk this situation over until you two get the right method of teaching your boy to control himself. It will take a while, but if you give him skills that he feels proud of having, then he will , with help and support, practice them. He needs support, as I said and reminding and praise. Your daughter needs some peace, good idea about her visiting her grandmother for a part of the day.

Be really sure that 'Mr' gets rest - even if it is just sitting on his bed and playing quietly. I really do not think that punishment will help, but making guidelines will help, and enforcing them will take time, but not as much time and pain as it would be for you if he doesn't get civilized. Good Luck, C. N.

I have been on that boat, but at a younger age! My son was 2 at the time and my twins were about 6 months. My son was a very angry person. He got mad at me because I could not understand what he wanted, so he threw his toy car towards my twin daughter hit her on the head. I had to take her to the ER. I was so upset! He knew what he had done the moment he saw the blood. It was that time and the most recent time I had to show him the consequence to their angry actions. How it can hurt someone, or worse, make the condition worse! It takes great amount of patience, and great control of yourself to no react to him. Talk calmly to him, show him what he had done to your daughter. Ask him how he would feel if someone did the same to him. In the meantime, keep your eyes on him all the time, do not let him out of your sight! So the moment you see the look in his eyes to strike, you interfere! It is a pain, but it has to be done to get it to stop!

Also, make sure you constantly reassure him that you love him! He may be feeling a bit insecure for some reason.

Good luck!

I dont know what your going through but i feel for you. The only thing i can say is how would you feel if all of a sudden the world became different to you. I'm sure it confused him and also scared him to death the first time he was able to hear. For 2 years now everything is new so its like he's starting all over. So if you think about it you actualy have a 2 year old going through the terrible 2's agian. This is just my opinion but i think we would get upset and act out also if everything we knew suddenly changed. I'm sure it will get better that is if you can last long enough without pulling out your hair.