My Son Won't Leave My Daughter Alone!

Updated on May 24, 2007
C.K. asks from Olympia, WA
22 answers

My husband and I had our second child on November 30,2006. In mid-Jan. she started sleeping through the night so we decided to move her to her "own" room in Feb. The only problem is we live in a two bedroom apt. and she's in the same room as her 3 yr. old brother. At first everything seemed like it would work out great but lately we've been having a lot of problems. He's covered her in baby powder...twice and just this morning he covered her face in desiten. I'm up the instant I hear any noise but I can't seem to get there quick enough. How can I keep him out of her crib? He's been in trouble for it so many times but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm getting scared for my daughter. Our lease isn't up until Aug. so we're stuck in this tiny apt. until then. Please help! I guess I should mention...we don't have the room on our room to put her crib. Our room has barely enough room for the bed and 2 dressers.

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So What Happened?

I would love to thank everyone for all of their advice. I decided to leave them in the same room. I've removed everything except diaper and wipes. I've eliminated K.J.'s nap (he was cranky with or without one) and now he goes to sleep almost right at 8. Anna's been waking up before him in the mornings so I bring her into our room to feed her. It's worked out great so far.

More Answers

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L.B.

answers from Portland on

Oh hun I totally understand!!!! I have 4 kids and the things they do to "help" just drives me bonkers.
Anyways have you thought about those moses baskets ? You could put it by the side or foot of your bed just for sleeping, not to pricey. Or if you have a pack in play, you could set it up in the living room and transfer her right before you go to bed.
I have a 2.5yo boy and I would never let them stay in the same room I just don't trust him, he is too young to understand the idea of real harm.
Might be a tuff few mos ahead of you but it will get better and they get older :)
Oh btw my #2 daughter used to hold up her hands by her head when she was 6 mos old to "protect" herself from her older sister who was 2 at the time. LOL they learn early to protect them selves ha ha ha. Just think of the stories you will have complied to tell them in 10 years :)
L.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.R.

answers from Seattle on

For safety issues, i would agree, moving her back in your room temporarily would be an idea. But it could be your sons way of getting attention, even if its negative.

You could instead of punishing him, do a reward system. SO every time you CATCH HIM being NICE, GENTLE, and GOOD to his sister, let him know you LIKE seeing him being good to his sister. Make a chart and put a sticker on the chart when you catch him being good. And for maybe every 7 stickers he gets a special treat. It could be that he gets SPECIAL time with mommy or daddy. He will want to be good to please you. Then over time, it will become habit.

My pediatrician years ago told us to praise the good. We tend to catch them being bad more than good. Does that make sense?

Good Luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Spokane on

Have you tried putting them both in the crib with your super vision and let him explore what is good and bad that he can do? I would try that and then explain why we can't put powder and things on her face. Three year olds can understand more then we give them credit for. :) Also have you let him help you change her diaper or get her dressed? Maybe if he sees how you do things maybe it will help. Hope things work out for you. Good luck!

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

Your child's safety is most important. Move one of your dressers out of your room, so you can move her crib in your room. Do whatever it takes to keep her safe, even if it means a bit of an inconvenience for awhile.

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

We have the same issues! Except, instead of putting my daughter in with our son she is in a playpen in our room for naps and we move her into the living room at night. I dont think you can keep them in the same room together and be "safe" at this age. As it is, my son has filled my daughters bed with toys (throwing them), sprayed her with room spray and climbed into bed with her (and on her) all in the few minutes it took me to use the rest room or get up. We finally put a safty knob on his door to keep him in his room until we let him out because if you didnt hear him get up he was in trouble in one way or another. He is a good kid just busy. Its a pain to move her around every day but worth it to keep her safe. Maybe you could do naps in his room and move her into the living room at night? We also use a blanket draped over the playpen to help her not get distracted by us being up or lights on. (daughter born 06/06 son 09/04) Good Luck, Jen

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R.G.

answers from Seattle on

Seeing as how you said you can't put her back in her room because there is no space in there for her, I have a few suggestions other than "put her back in your rooom".

The woman who said a crib tent had the right idea. If he's going through the bars to get to her, you can always take muslin cloth (It's cheap and breathable) and wrap it around the outside of her crib to the level he can't reach to pull it down. If it's on the outside, he can't reach in, and you don't risk the chance of your daughter rolling into it and causing problems breathing or anything. If it's going over it, the crib tent will stop that.

My kids are 14 months apart and are 2.5 and 3.5 now. They've been sleeping in the same room since my daughter was born and we've had our fair share of "What's the baby doing?" moments, but they outgrow them. I just taught him to be gentle with her and that it was her bed and when she was in it, not to touch her. I repeated it over and over and over again until it sunk in his head and all of our incidents stopped in about two weeks. (his big thing was giving her his stuffed animals, so she'd have ALL of his toys and start crying cuz she had no room in her crib for her!) I got a crib tent for added security so he couldn't do it even if he wanted to, but hoenstly, he stopped trying even before I got it because I told him it was her space. He was 15 months when we brought her home. So at 3, your son should be able to understand the concept of "her space, your space".

Just work with him and teach him to respect her. I'm sure he'll stop pestering her soon!

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J.B.

answers from Anchorage on

What type of dicipline are you giving? Maybe he needs a time out, out of the room.

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A.M.

answers from Portland on

Hi C.-

Sounds like you've gone through a lot. I also have two little ones and am concerned about what will happen when we put them together. Since you don't have room to move your daughter, have you thought about a crib tent? I don't know if that would work logistically (or even if your son is reaching OVER the crib or just through the bars), but I thought it might be an option.

Best of luck-
A.

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M.T.

answers from Portland on

I would suggest setting her up in the living room or dining room. It's unconventional but not unheard of. Unfortunately it also means that you may be confined to your room or limited to light and sound in those rooms but that is a guarantee that you won't have to worry about her safety. You could also put her to sleep in a port a crib in your room or one of the other places and once your son is asleep maybe you could put her in her real crib. That way you are only inconvenienced for a short period.

If none of those is an option you could purchase a netted crib cover. I think they hold down on the crib tight enough to keep your son out. A friend of mine had one but I can't remember how it works.

I had a similar problem with my kids and a two bedroom but I was lucky enough to be able to convert a walk in closet into a safe location for my baby.

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C.F.

answers from Spokane on

Maybe you could put her in the playpen in your room. A couple months of that might not hurt. Most playpens don't take up very much room. Good luck.
C.

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A.T.

answers from Seattle on

One of my friends recently went to a store like Babys' R Us or something like that. She bought a tent that goes from the bottom of her sons crib and it looks like a tent the way its put together. Its primarily made to keep the baby in but it may work to keep your son out. It's made of a mesh sort of material so there shouldn't be any problems (hopefully)!! Good Luck

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D.D.

answers from Portland on

I agree, put her back into your room. If you think you need your own space, put up some sort of divider like a sheet hanging from the ceiling so she can't see you. (my daughter is figuring out that if we are awake we will pick her up if she makes noise, so she watches for us to move and she's only 5 months old!)
I have been in the situation where we moved an infant in with an older child (who was just barely 2 y.o.) and I knew everything would be fine, but every child is different.
I'm now in the same situation with our 4th child and only daughter. We have absolutely NO room for a full size crib but found a portable crib (like a crib, but mini, also called a mini-crib, go figure!) on craiglist for only $30. Fantastic deal. You can buy them new for as little as $60. (walmart.com and babiesrus.com) It's the same size as a pack and play, but with more support and will last longer. I feel like I can use it as her only crib until she goes into a bed in a year or so, even after we move and have more room.

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K.H.

answers from Seattle on

Well I don't really have much advice for you but have you considered trying one of these?

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...

80$ seems like a lot but if it will keep your toddler out of the crib its worth a try....I hope that helps....

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

Put her back in your room. We have a newborn and a 3 yr. old too, and we get all kinds of "help" from the 3 yr. old. I know he loves his brother very much, but there is no way I would leave them alone together for any extended period of time. I have found the baby covered with a blanket, including part of his face. I have also found our older son trying to stuff the pacifier in his mouth. Both of these things happened while I was nearby and had my back turned for a minute. There's too many bad things that could happen when you leave them alone together all night.

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A.W.

answers from Anchorage on

Well for one talk to your landlord about the lease if you find someone to rent for them that you know would be good they dont care if you move.
If thats all the boy is doing your lucky too. But the desitin and stuff shouldnt be in your 3 year olds reach. Just wait till they get bigger ive had so many heart attacks on what my kids have done it isnt funny. its part of being a mom and them being a child. Good Luck

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J.K.

answers from Portland on

i'd have to say, either get a canopy cover type thing for your crib, or take her out of there. he probably won't stop until hes older and understands more, and its not safe for your daughter. my daughter didn't like being alone, so we let her sleep in the living room and she's been there ever since. since its only temporary you could put her in your room and put one of your dressers in his room. i don't know what to tell you otherwise, except shes not safe where she is. 3 is a tough age for a child to have a baby sib lol. i know, because my son was 2 1/2 when my daughter was born and it was rough going for a while. but he'll eventually get over it. until then you need to get her out of the line of fire. good luck!

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T.M.

answers from Portland on

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way but this gave me a really good laugh this morning (thank you) because the visual was really funny to me. On the flip side of that though this could be extremely dangerous. Perhaps you could take your two dressers out of your room, put them in your sons room and get a port-a-crib and put that in your room since it's smaller than a regular crib. Then the baby is near you guys at all times. Since your son is 3 years old he should be able to get the message that what he's doing is not ok so in light of that I'm not sure what kind of punishment you're using but it doesn't seem to be getting through. Our older son responds really well when I make him pick out a toy (it has to be a good one) and he has to hand it over to Good Will when he does something wrong. That's been very effective for us but if your son is not attached to things materially it may not work.

As far as being a stay at home mom and feeling like you're going crazy half the time you have the toughest job in the world and the most important.

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L.H.

answers from Spokane on

Oh my goodness, I have a 3 yr old boy and a 9 month old lil girl.. I could not imagine your situation! My kids have their own rooms but I know my son would be doing the same thing. My advice would be using the reward system for staying in bed, depending on what your son really likes. Right now my 3 yr old is getting a sticker for having a dry pull up at night. The bigger deal we make about it the cooler he thinks it is. It's worth a try. Good luck, keep me posted!

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S.M.

answers from Portland on

I'd move her crib into your room for the time being. Possibly he is jelous she took him away from being an only child, and now she shares the only space he calls his own..
My daughter and son share a room and she still says it is hers.. it doesn't matter to her that he doesn't have a room.. it is her room! they're 2 and 3..

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L.B.

answers from Anchorage on

Hi C.,you need to get your daughter back in your room if she was not disturbed before and slept all night in your room you should of left her. your son can lay on her and smother her he can get the ointments or other things in her eyes and he doesn't know the repocutions.he is little and does not understand. it only takes one thing wrong that you might have to live with. it is not worth it,your baby is the innocent one good luck with whatever choice you make.

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T.C.

answers from Portland on

Could you move atleast one of your dressers into your sons room and put a crib or portable crib in your room. Safety for he baby is the first priority. :-)

Good luck!

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R.G.

answers from Eugene on

August is only 3 months away! Your son may be mad at her for taking attention away from him. Try spending quality time with your son, without the baby...(the devil in me would want to put baby powder on him while he is sleeping, but I would resist that!)

Maybe you need to move your dressers out of your room, possibly put them in your son's room, or in a hall or living room. Is there room in your closet for the crib? Sometimes that will open up extra space if you leave the doors open.

Another idea, if she is little enough, you could put her in a bassinette in your room, or possibly a play pen, just until you can get out of there. God forbid your son decides to throw blankets or pillows on your daughter in the middle of the night.

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