My Son Way Too Old and Still Uses Pacifier at Night. HELP!

Hi B.,

I just went through a few ruff weeks getting my son off the bottle at night. He is three and last year I took the pacifier away, but then he used the nipple from the bottle. The suggestions that you received is really on target. Give him some warning that in the next day or two (whatever you decide) that it is going away. It will be ruff, but you just have to be strong. Maybe you can take him to the store to buy a special toy that he can sleep with at night or just something to play with it. My son has been off the bottle (I know it sounds funny) for several days now, but when it his really tired or upset he still ask for it. It is a comfort thing and it will take a while for them to stop asking.

Good luck.

S. D.

Hi B., My daughter was a thumb sucker and did way longer than 5. I think you should continue to do the "big boy" thing and maybe suggest him helping you pick out a pacifier for baby sister as they are for babies. You may find that the baby won't want one, none of my 5 ever took one. My best, Grandma Mary

My daughter was 20 months when she stopped sucking the pas.
She was a quick learner, but she loved her pas. The way we got her to stop was: My mother (her grandmother) threw it out of the car window as she watched it sit on the side of the road as we drove. After that there was no more pas. No questions asked. Good Luck!!

Tell him that on a certain day (less than a week)it will be gone. Give him a few days to get used to the idea, keep reminding him and perhaps plan a special reward for that same day. But when that day comes take all the pacifiers to the garbage and throw them away. It's like smoking..cold turkey will work. You might have a couple of sleepless nights, but no one ever went to college with a paci. At least I dont think so. LOL

Jo Jo the supernanny did a great thing with an older boy and maid giving up the pacifier really magickal... she talked about the Paci-fairy and how she loves little paci's because ( i forget the reason, but it made a little boy wanna give them to her I think for little babies,,etc) and the little boy put all the pacifiers into a big envelope and mailed them to the Paci-fairy himself. Once he was asleep, they switched the envelope with one that was sparkly and decorated with stickers and glitter with a special suprise inside < in his case it was a lot of little dinasaur figurines> the boy was happy, parents were happy, and so was the Paci-fairy cause she could give them to little babies that needed them. :) Good Luck

THe two suggestions I've heard are to cut a hold in the nipple so it doesn't feel right to suck. Also to have a ceremony (although he's a little old for this maybe) where you tell him it's time to give the pacifiers to kids who don't have enough money to buy them. But definitely give him a certain amount of time (a week seems good like someone else responded) and lots of reminders. He needs to stop using the pacifier for sure.

Hi B.,
I would stop talking him up and prepping him, no wonder he wants it more, that's making him anxious because he thinks it will disappear sometime, anytime, he doesn't know when. Kids don't need that much preparation, they don't need to be reasoned with (it makes parent feel better, not the kid) and they don't need to be part of parenting decisions. Take it away. Don't talk about it, don't make false starts or far deadlines. I would simply tell him that he's way too old to have a binky and throw them out. He is too old for the binky fairy, that's a tactic used for 2 year olds, not a 5 year old.
My son (now 9) used a binky at night/naptime. When he was maybe 21 months, I decided it was time to put a stop to it. I simply got rid of them. No explanation. The first couple of times, he asked for it and I pretty much ignored the question because I didnt think he would understand if I tried to explain, and he went to sleep anyway. Finally when he asked, maybe the 3rd day, I simply told him that he was a big boy now and doesnt need a binky anymore. He gave me a look and I thought he might cry, but instead he just said "Oh" and laid down and that was the end of it, never asked again.
Good luck with this and with getting ready for the new addition to the family!

You're going to find this hard to believe, but my ped told my friend that it's not a problem. She has the same situation (I think her son may be 4). The pediatrician told her that everyone, even adults have ways of soothing themselves, we just have different ways. He said not to worry, that the child will definitely outgrow it on his own at some point, so why fight a battle when that object obviously brings him such comfort. I know that's a very unusual spin on the subject, but there you go.

Funny enough, I still remember my pacifier. But I would only take one specific one, and it was cracking and breaking off. My mom didn't know what to do, so she "lost" my paci. I still remember that night vividly, and I was three years old. I was in bed, and wanted it, it was lost, and we looked all over the house, but couldn't find it. She finally admitted to me, in my early 30s, that she had thrown it away. Needless to say, I'm fine, not scarred, but I still give her a hard time about it ;)

Good luck no matter what you decide to do.

mom, ii would do 2 things depending on your level of displeasure

1\--by now you should have a few newborn sized paci's
give him one, so it feels weird in his mouth, in the mean time remove all old pacis except this one, after he falls asleep remove the paci, if he call to you in the night, get angry about it and let him know your annoyed,

in a few days pop a pin hole in the paci, and eventually cut a larger hole in it, he will be angry and annoyed aswell, simply say there is nothing you can do about it,

DO NOT take him to buy another, say there are no more.,

it must be done now before baby sister arrives or he'll simply take and use hers.

do not shop with him, do not take him to walmart, or anywhere binkys can be seen or found.

he may be smart mom, but you know its time to help him mature and get over his obsession, he doesn't NEED it -- he simply wants it.

knowing this should be enough for you to grit your teeth and help him get over it, he's 5 and its time.

the longer you wait the harder it gets. as i am sure by now you can tell LOL.

good luck MOM

M
mother of 3

We "lost" all of them one at a time and I refused to by more. I told him with the extra money I had from not having to buy pacifiers I could save it up and he could pick out a toy he wanted. With Child #2 I had him put them on a plate and Santa picked them up to take to babies around the world who needed them more than he did. Santa left a special present on the plate for him with a thank you note. Child #3 we went on vacation and forgot them in the hotel. I again refused to buy new ones. She got to pick a toy out with the money I saved from not having to buy them. A friend of mine broke all of her son's. She put holes in them all so they didn't feel right. She had him then throw them in the garbage. I saw a show the other day where the Mom had all the kids take one last suck and then they put their pacifiers in a zip lock bag and gave them to their new baby cousin because babies need them more. You could also ask his doctor to speak to him about it. Maybe if another grown up besides you or his father talked to him. It may click with him if it's from his doctor and not you. Hope some of these ideas help you.

Two things I've heard of:
-- the "paci" fairie, where you leave the paci under the pillow or in a special place, and he/she comes and leaves a gift while taking the paci to wherever your son might think paci's would be happy.
-- I also heard about a mom who had deer in her neighborhood, and when they saw a baby deer, she chucked the paci at it -- because she told her child that the baby deer needed it more than her child. I wonder if you could work the "giving to charity" idea, of finding an idea of someone your son would want to give his pacis to.

crazy ideas, but good luck!

Oh Wow I have the same story--except I have a 4 year old daughter. She is also having a baby sister in October--so congrats on that. First of all my mother in law is a pediatrician, and she has always told me to not worry about her still having it--she, and my daughters dentist say if you don't satisfy the oral fixation--then they just may start to suck their thumbs(way worse)or be smokers later in life, (not sure how true that is), but I'll take any excuse to let her still have it. I love it. She was an early talker, and very advanced in counting, ABC's, and socially, so I am not worried. She only gets it at night also. I have a clip that attaches it to her pj's--the string is only about 4 inches long, so it can't get wrapped around her neck. I spoke to her pediatric dentist, and she said let her keep it(only at night) until her permanant teeth come it, and she told me to make sure the new baby uses one because thumb sucking is really not good, and pacifier babies are self soothers. My plan is to tell her that when her first tooth comes out, not only will she get a prize for the tooth, but she has to put her pacifier(probably cut so she can't use it) under her pillow, and the tooth fairy will give her something really nice(let him pick something he really wants--like a new bike or a trip to Disney) I'm sure it will be a rough night, but he has to sleep or the TF won't come, and it'll only take 4 nights to change it. My daughter is a good sleeper, and I do not want to change that, at least until I get into a good routine with the new baby. Hey he's had it this long--why not a little longer, so you can sleep--you need it. My email is ____@____.com--I would be interested in your ideas. Or what you think of my plan. Good luck. C.

I definitely suggest cold turkey, that worked for my son - I just told him he'S. big boy now and he was asleep within an hour. He is a bit younger so yours might fight it more. I know someone who said the puppy chewed them all up when her 4 year old was out of the house.

But I also think having a new little sister is going to be hard after 5 years of being an only child - maybe the paci will help comfort a little and then both of your children can lose their pacis at the same time? My friend did that when she didn't get her oldest off the bottle before the new one arrived.

I know that is just giving in where you don't want to - I'd probably take it away - but I'm just throwing it out there.

Good luck - it looks like you have a lot a great suggestions from people who have been there.

you must throw the pacifier in the garbage !!!!!! and your son has to see that when you do it. Why you treat him like a baby?
he is gone be fussy for 3 days, he is gone try all the tricks on you, do not gave in.

This to me in a non-negotiable issue. It goes. End of
story. He is way too old. Won't say it will be easy but
for every day that goes on it will be harder. Good luck.

My aunt let my cousin have her pacifier until ready to give it up. One day, when she was 7 years old, she walked by the garbage and just threw it away. So there's hope that he may just decide to give this up by himself.

I had my second baby when my son was 13 months - one of the pieces of advice I read was to not make any major changes in his life either 4 months before or 4 months after the new baby. It's probably a different time frame for a 4 or 5 year old...Maybe you are making too big a deal of it and that's making him hold onto it more? I guess if it were me, I would give him a timeframe, make him a chart so he can check off the days (one more week until I give up the pacie, 6 more days...), and then have HIM be the one to throw it in the garbage. Or "donate" it to babies that need it at the hospital (I have seen this done as a way to encourage an older child to get rid of a pacifier). You could take him to a hospital nursery as preparation for his sister, at the same time?

I haven't read the other responses but may I just say....how 'bout not worry about it?

I just got back from spending the summer with my husband's family in Europe and I was struck by seeing 4, 5 and 6 year olds with bottles and pacifiers. I don't think there is the same stigma that there is here.

If his teeth, gums and speech are fine, what's the problem other than feeling like he "shouldn't" need it?

Maybe his sensing your ambivilance is making him anxious and wanting his paci during the day. How about you let him have his paci at night and no more "big boy" talk about it. There will be enough of that with the new sibling. He can be a little boy in this respect and yes, he WILL outgrow it.

Hi B.,

This is going to be a hard one. That's a pretty strong habit by age 5. But the plus side is he's old enough to understand that it is not appropriate. I would just throw them all away and tell him he's not a baby and pacifiers are for babies. You will definitely have some rough nights, but better to have them now than when the baby is born and you are already lacking in sleep. You've gotta know that he is old enough to deal with this change...you can do this mom. I know what it feels like to let certain things go and yet be able to be very strong about other things. There are some things that I turn my head for...like when my 6 year old sneaks in bed with me at night, I just pretend I don't notice so that I don't have to kick him back to his own bed. It is easy for my hubby to just say...Jakob, go back to bed...but I love him and if he wants to be with me, I feel the need to savor that moment since I know soon that will all be over.

We all make allowances for our children because we love them so deeply. It is time to be firm on this one though. I'm sure moms will give you lots of advice on how to help him through this transition...I'm more of a cold turkey just deal with it kind of mom!

D.

It sounds like all the talking about it and the half-hearted attempts to take it away before actually made him hold onto it more. Now he thinks it's a bigger deal than it is so he's more afraid. Just stop talking about it for a while, a few weeks or something. Then when you decide it's time, just pick a story and stick to it. There were a lot of good suggestions here. I like giving him the trade. Just tell him matter of factly in a cheery happy voice that today he is going to trade in his pacie for a new sleeping buddy. Take him to the store (Or build a Bear maybe can put the pacie inside the bear for you!) and tell him he can pick out any new sleeping buddy he wants. Just do it one more time and stick to it!! You can do it, he will be okay. Good Luck!

COLD TURKEY! That's the only way to go. Just as you would take a bottle away from a 2 year - take the pacie away from a 5 year old. Do it now and suffer the pain of withdrawal before the new arrival comes. He will probaly scream , rant, and rave for maybe a week or two but will get over it and so will you. Better now, then when you have a newborn to tend to !

B.,
My daugther responded well to a reward. in exchange for giving up her pacifier, she recieved a "big girl" bike. Maybe there is something that your son wants badly enough to finally say good-bye to the binkie. I had my daughter pick out her reward.

good luck.
KM

My son was a little over 3 when we took the binky away. He was sort of chewing them like cigars (he, too only used them for bedtime) and we told him that if he chews the last one, we weren't buying anymore. I was so afraid to take the thing away, but when we did, it was very simple, cut and dry. He really only asked for it for a couple of nights. That's when I realized that it was more for our benefit than for his benefit. He fell asleep even the first night with no problem and has been no problem since. So, just "lose" the binky at some point and then don't buy anymore. You may be surprised how easy the whole thing can be!

The same way you put your foot down about using the pacifier during the day, stick to your decision to get rid of them at night. Sit down with him and explain that since he is too old for them and when he turns 5, that they will go in the garbage. Then make sure you throw away all the pacifiers in the house and stay firm on this!! Since he will have a party and get gifts and things, this may be enough to distract him. Does he have a favorite stuffed animal or some other toy that he can take to bed with him? If not, take him to the store for a special big boy shopping trip and let him pick out a new toy for bedtime.
As for the new baby, you don't need to use a pacifier. My son did just fine without them. In fact, he spit them out in the hospital and in the first few weeks we had him home, we tried them and he just never wanted one. Plus pediatricians recommend that you get rid of them by 4 months anyway so that babies can start to learn self-soothing techniques, rather than relying on the pacifier as a sleep crutch. You don't want to risk tempting your son to steal his baby sister's pacifiers by having any around the house. Good luck with the transition and with the new baby!

Hi there
I do sympathise with your worries. We decided to take the pacifier away from my nearly 5 yr old, who had been quite addicted to it though was only allowed it at bedtime. It was so much easier than we expected becasue she was old enough to understand. It was just before she started school, and we had just had our second baby, and she was old enough to understand that she was getting to be a big girl and they were just for babies. We were kind but firm - they just all went in the bin and that was that. We spent a bit longer with her at bedtime the first night - an extra story and a longer chat, then she went off to sleep OK and didn't wake up. For 2 or 3 nights she complained that "her mouth was missing her dummy" when she went to bed. After that she forgot all about it and never mentioned it again. I was left wondering why we had waited so long to do it!! So long as you are clear what is happening (you are right to say he is too old for the "binkie fairy" etc) and completely consistent then it may go more smoothly than you expect! You could try bribery too - maybe some kind of "big boy" toy in exchange for giving up something babyish?

danielle had a great idea. i too told Emma about the binky fairy who needed old binkies for babies whose mommies needed help getting them. Emma recieved a gift from the binky fairy, a book about fairies for her giving them up. We also made sure she had a different security item. Now her blankies help keep away the "monsters' for her, She found several binkies a while ago and I thought i was doomed.. but she simply said these are for the new baby.

Maybe a lil bribery is in order.. let him pick out a toy within a certain amount. BUT he can only do this if he gives up the binkies. or does he have a fvorite place he loves but doesn't get to go often? I hate chuck E cheese.. but that was the reward my daughter got for working with me on the potty

Good luck

B.....we all have that one thing that we haven't done as well as we should have. DOn't beat yourself up.....just use the knowledge to your advantage w/ baby no 2! Anyway....I pulled it cold turkey with both my boys at 2 yrs old. THey both asked for it throughout the first day and that was it. Easier tahn I would have imagined. The age thing is to your disadvantage but forewarn him on Friday that the paci will be gone and throw them out...every single one. You now have the weekend to regroup when you need to. Maybe a special something after the fact. Good luck and stay strong!

We had the "binky fairy" come and trade the binkys for a watch (or something else you son is looking forward to getting - a transformer, bakugan, whatever). We talked about it (just like we talked about the tooth fairy), and we set a date (a Friday night, just in case), and away they went. Brian was probably 3 1/2 or 4 when we did it (and we're getting ready to do this with our younger son now...).

Go for a trade. Don't shame him about the paci, but let him know that you understand that it makes him feel cozy and comfortable to sleep. But that for a lot of reasons (you don't have to go into them) that he paci has to go because he's a big boy. "So, let's decide on another cozy for you to have to sleep with." Either let him choose something already special to him (a bear, blanket, favorite toy, etc) or allow him to pick out something new. He may choose something we would not consider "cozy" like a hard plastic dinosaur - but let him choose. Let him know that once he chooses for the night, that's it. But if he wants to switch for a new cozy the next night he can. Make it like an adventure. Go on a cozy hunt.
Good luck!

Hi B.,

My son is now 14, but I had the same problem with him. He had his pacifier until he was 4 with no shame, Everywhere we went he had the pacifier, to the store, church etc. Some of my friends would tease him about it and it did not affect him at all. One day a sucked a whole in the pacifier and my husband and I decided not to buy another one. Although I was reluctant about not buying another one because I did not want him keeping me up at night, whining because he did not have his pacie. Well I stuck to the plan. For one week (I counted the days) he moaned for the pacie, especially at night. After that no more pacie. Go cold turkey, just take it away, be prepared for whining a little tandrum and maybe even crying but you'll get through it and so will he.

I daughter is much younger... only 13 months, but we just got rid of the pacifier b/c she is going to daycare. And I cut the pacifier cold turkey. It was NOT easy. She screamed at first, and we just let her cry. We believed that if she were tired enough she would fall asleep. We also got her attached to another object (a stuffed animal). Now when she goes to bed at night she grabs her dog and falls asleep. I posed a very similar question on here when I was going through it, and the best suggestions I got were:
1. cold turkey
2. cut the end of them off
3. Send them to the pacifier fairy (with a reward) - kind of like the tooth fairy.
4. Let him pick out a replacement for the pacifier.
GOOD LUCK!

Tell him it's lost and NEVER replace it. That worked for my son. Or maybe you can say a paci fairy took it away b/c he is too old and santa clause is going to get him something extra special this year for christmas if he is a good boy about it. I'd personally say it's lost and the store does not sell them anymore. (if he knows the store sells them.) You could even try being honest in saying that his teeth will become crooked or go full on in saying they may fall out. That got my son to brush is teeth..he does not want them to fall out..after all the girls wont think he's handsome if he has no teeth! (dont do it if you think he will get scared though)

Hi B.-
I really have to say that I agree mostly with Renee, Amanda and Sarah. It's something that's important to him and I don't think that should be minimized. He's 5 and starting to develop his own decision making skills. If you convey that his love of it is wrong, I think it'll be internalized. Making it 'disappear' or telling him you can't buy any more isn't being honest. What's more important in raising a child than teaching trust and honesty? And what is the big deal?
On the flip side, I understand how you feel. I had a similar situation a long time ago. The circumstances were different - my child had gone through a lot of trauma very young. I really think that recognizing the need is important and teaching new ways of soothing is the way to go. Show him he doesn't need some 'thing' to be OK. He's got a very loving mother and that feeling is forever. (you say little about your husband - hope you have support) I've never heard of a wonderful mom that didn't question the decisions that faced her. This stuff is hard! If you're not comfortable with his using a pacifier, I think you'll find a gentle way of getting past it. Deciding how you feel in your gut and not going back and forth will make both of you more peaceful. He's growing up and that's something to celebrate. I think a lot of moms have a hard time letting go of the 'baby' in our kids, especially when a new one is coming. Looking at my kids now I still see the same expressions as when they were little and SO much more! It's all still in there! Follow your instincts, relax, enjoy and love him. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!!!

To get him to give it up on his own - - snip the tip off of the nipple. . . I did this to my daughter's pacifiers and gave them to her willingly, she didn't like the way it felt with the tip cut and she gave them up in a day.

You are a GOOD MOM and you need to remember to keep this in mind and stop blaming yourself. Motherhood is not easy. Young children pick up on their Mom's feelings and attitudes and do not understand what it all means...and become insecure. Little ones pick up on everything and we can't begin to understand how they take it all in...they are all so different.

I feel your son's pacifier is only a systom of something deeper. My suggestion is to leave the subject of his use of the pacifier alone and work on what is causing the systom. Of cause he is to old in age to be still using one, but emotionally he seems to use it to replace some comfort feeling he is now missing....

He very well might be dealing with insecurity over the on coming of the baby. A new baby that might take his place, get all your attention that once belonged to him....that he thought would be his forever... Not an easy adjustment for a little guy who is not sure where his place in the family unity is going to be...

My suggestion is to spend special quality alone time with him as often as possible.....take him for a pinic, a play ground, the zoo, read to him, work on a hobby with him.. anything that he might enjoy and have your full attention. Hold him, hug him, praise him, let him know how special and important he is to you.

Help him to build his self esteen....and when you talk about the new baby coming, remember his is around watching and listening..... tell him he's going to be a special big brother...plant seeds and positive ideas in his head that he is very much a very big part of it all and always will be..
If he wants to talk about it, listen fully...don't make him feel silly for anything he might express....he might have questions, answer all of them. Keep in mind moving up in the family unity to big brother and giving up his own babyhood is not an easy adjustment to make....but when he is sure of where he stands in all of it, I bet he wont want or need his "Pacie" anymore. It will take time to turn around so have patience.

Hello there. I responded to a woman a while back with the following post. She had a stubborn 10-y/o thumb sucker, but this may help:

I'd love to send you a photo of my niece who is now 18, who had a surgery this past summer for her thumbsucking. Thousands of dollars later...this issue still bugs me! Her parents made no effort to stop her, for they wanted her to "stop on her own..." We would go over there when she was 15 and she would have her thumb in her mouth, trying to cover it up with her hand! I mean come on! She lisps, her teeth stuck out and she looked like a baby. She got made fun of at school and had hardly any friends--now I'm not sure if the thumb sucking had to do with that, but I'm sure it didn't help. Now at 18 she's recovering from having the doctor break her jaw apart to readjust its growth pattern--we have to wait to see if it worked. Let your daughter read this and see if it helps. Good luck to you!

My daughter was addicted to her binkie! She really worked it over while she slept so I was scared to take it away & sad like you are! So here is what we did and it worked better than I could have imagine or dreamed or prayed for! We cut the tip of it off and it tasted bad to her! She tried it a few times and then gave up. I let it sit on her dresser and a few days later took it and put it in her baby box. Now we did this before she was 3 yrs old. So go for it! Know it could be a few bad nights but over all it is best for everyone...esp him!
GO for it mom!!!!!!!!

I heard a recent story of a couple in the same situation taking their child to Build-A-Bear with the binky and putting the binky inside the dinosaur their child picked out and that is where it has stayed! Sounds like a good idea to me--as long as all the other binks in the house have disappeared and you are down to only one and that is the one that goes inside the stuffed animal!

HI B. - with our son we talked about his getting older and needing to move beyond his pacifier and told him we'd pick a date and have a Bye-Bye-Ba party. (He called his pacifier his "ba"). So we talked about a off and on for a couple weeks. Then we made a special dinner and got cupcakes and sang a song and after the cupcakes we had him throw away all the pacifiers. It made it an event and he carried out the action so it really felt final. He asked for it one night and cried a little - but that was about it. The ritual of the party made a big difference. The only big difference was that he was a bit younger - but I think it could still work. Buy him a present that could be his reminder. When he asks for the pacifier just remind him of the present ?? Not really a reward - not really a substitute - but a little of both.
Good luck!
P.

Sounds like you're trying as best you can. At five years old I imagine he will be entering kindergarten? A close friend of mine had the same problem until her son was five as well, and she finally just broke down got rid of every single pacifier in the house. In doing so, she had no choice but not to give it to him. Of course he threw a fit for a few days but he got over it eventually and it was the best decision she could've made. Years from now when he is an adult, do you really think he's going to be traumatized over the fact that when he was five his pacifier went away? Don't beat yourself up over it. You sound like a terrific mom and your kids are blessed to have you. I have three boys myself and my youngest is two and still takes his pacifier and i'm sure that soon I will be facing the same dilemna. My two other boys had no problem parting with the pacifier, however, something tells me it may not go as smoothly with my little one. Keep in touch and let me know how you make out. Take care and best of luck.