My four year old son is a wonderful, caring, empathetic, active listener..when he's at home. He never gets in trouble, cleans up after himself, and is so caring of others. But, when someone else is in charge he's a completely different child. He's been "kicked out" of 2 daycares and was recently sent home from school because of his temper and failure to abide by the rules. I had to pull him out of gymnastics because he was a distraction to all the other children. He's not mean to others he just won't listen to anyone else. I'm seriously considering a behavorial counselor. Any sugestions?? PLEASE HELP
Thank you all for the great suggestions. I have took all the advice given whole heartedly. I have started a "full calendar year" sticker chart that goes until the end of the school year. He gets a sticker everyday that there are no time outs at school. Since he doesn't quite grasp the meaning of 4 months left, he knows "when the grass is green and there's leaves on the trees" then if he has filled up his calendar with stickers he will be able to get a puppy--his 2 year wish. He has smaller prizes for weekly milestones. He also knows when he starts behaving like the rest of the class, he will be able to go back into gymnastics. He understands now that there is a lot riding on his behavior. And I know it's a little premature but today was the very first day EVER in the history of school and daycare that he didn't get any time outs. I do believe it does have to do with sensory overload. I used to work in a daycare and many of the "wild" kids were diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction. It was always in the back of my mind with him but, I did hope it was all in my mind and that's it. The signs are all there though, overacting/unable to control himself when too many people are around, not being able to touch let alone eat most textures of food, shaking his head (almost like a twitch) when put in a new environment like a place with flourescent lights or the mall...the list goes on. I will definatly have to read The Out-of-Sync child.
I think that you should take him to see someone before he does get violent. Better to get to the bottom of it before it gets out of hand. Working with a counselor you might discover somethings about your son. Maybe he has some ADD or something that he is not able to handle.
Could it be that in a more public setting there are too many things goin on for him? Too much stimulation? My son did this too, we had other things going on with him too, but this is the one that drove me the most crazy. I couldn't go anywhere public with him, but at home, he was an angel (well almost :-). I got him into testing in the special education, and they put him in the special ed. preschool in bellevue. The combination of growing up and wonderful teachers has been magical. I love taking him with me places, and he listens to his teachers and follows directions. Sticker charts are awesome, and small rewards are too! Or maybe taking him to gymnastics and the first time he does something wrong, leave. Then try again the next day. He will catch on quickly. I hope some of this helps!
He is at the age where behavior charts and behavior rewards when out of the home are very apportate. What you do is have the teacher give him a sticker for each time he is being good and at the end of the day, he gets some kind of reward that you approve of, like a movie when he gets home, ice cream, a new toy (that is inexpensive or suck)and so on. Then you switch it to he has to get so many stickers in two days, and make it longer until he doesnt need the charts anymore. Its nothing personal against you nor the babysitter, he is trying to prove his independence. Its a trying time, but it will work out in the end. Behavior like this now, unless uncontrolled, which sounds like you trying very hard, means that he will be in charge of something big and wonderful when he is grown up, like a CEO or whatever he wants to be. Its a great personality trait to own, just not fun as a parent to hone in without stiffling it. lol Good Luck, I hope this helps.
Hi B.. Yes, I would get him some help, especially if he can be helped before he enters Kindergarten. I suggest this so that from the start he is able to maintain control and be able to concentrate on his education. I have seen many children in our own school that go through the same issues and it is discruptive for the entire class, and very stressful. The other reason that I agree that you should get help is that he will get labeled as a troublemaker or disruptive and that will carry with him all through his school years. And then he won't have a chance!
I wonder...at home is he able to do his chores and activities on his own schedule or does he have to do them when you tell him? They may ask you this when you go for help.
We had to learn when our oldest was in pre school that pride should never come into play with our children, we had to get help for him and it was the best thing that we have ever done for him. He had a Concentration/Retaining Information problem...and because of the help that he received he was able to start kindergarten on the same level as his other classmates! We (as the parents) also had to be taught different ways to teach him or to work with him, it was great as a family!
I will pray for your family because I know that it is so hard to know where to turn!
You may consider having him evaluated at Easter Seals (or similar) for sensory integration. At the same age, my son had similar problems, and it was sensory overload -- occupational therapy did wonders for him and enabled him to stay on task. You might look at the book "The Out-of-Sync Child" and see if any of it sounds familiar. At home, your son is in a more familiar place with fewer voices, colors, sounds, sights, etc. and it may be easier for him. Once my son hit overload, he went into meltdown or was very frustrated, easily seen as being out of control or violent, but it was just the kid version of no longer being able to cope with too much stuff going on... and daycares/preschools are VERY sensory stimulating. Good luck.
Hi B.,He sounds like a wonderful child.With a few inter active problems.But that is no big deal.Have you thought about autism?There are so many levels of autism and your son sounds like my grandson.He won't have problems until there is alot going on around him.Not for sure just one possiblity...Something to ask about.Best of luck,Sweetie....
Sounds like you are on the right track. I am an occupational therapist and used to work with children with sensory dysfunction. The Out of Sync child is a great parent friendly book. I hope the behavior chart works well for you but don't get discouraged if some days he still has troubles controlling himself if he truly has sensory integration deficits. There are sensory items that he could use to calm himself in these over stimulating environments. Keep occupational therapy in your bag of options. Best wishes!
Be sure to consider if he starts slipping into bad behavior that his needs may not be being met. You are probably a very attentive, loving, understanding, nurturing mom and that is not always the behavior of daycare staff. So it may be hard for him to go from awesome home life to good ole' daycare where he is not receiving the best. Reality is, daycare workers are workers, that is their job and not all of the workers are there because they LOVE all children, some just need a job. Don't be too hard on him. But the sticker chart is a wonderful tool!
My daughter sounds the same way...only it was opposite. She was a nightmare and home and around other people she was an angel. I am not sure where you are living, but once they turn 3 they are eligible for the school system. By that I mean, the public school run preschools and therapy from the school therapists. For example, we are in Rexburg so my daughter attends the preschool here 3 days a week and gets the needed therapy in the classroom. I also took her to a therapist and at this point in his/her life, they aren't really able to do a whole lot. Kids under 5 don't really just sit and communicate their feelings with adults, especially ones that they do not know.
I am probably rambling on. It sounds like a social emotional type of problem where he just needs some consistantcy and needs someone who will give him and chance. It sounds like he is just testing the waters because he knows that if he pushes enough, he will either be taken to a new location or get to spend more time at home with mom.
Let me know if you find anything else out.
J.
My son has gotten kicked out of 2 daycares...LOL!! He has aspies though so I hear you loud and clear! LOL!! He doesn't understand most of the social norms you and I practice every day. I also have a hubby with it so I do better than most on understanding him though. The daycare workers are usually alarmed by his behavior and are scared he will do something wrong cause he doens't listen, doesn't make eye contact, wants nothing to do with any other child, Doesn't like people near his sister,...etc...So they tell us it isn't working out and not to bring him back cause he won't listen, at all! I found that a home daycare where my children are the only 2 in their care works best. I have a Speech teacher so they are getting daycare and preschool all in one. Works well for us!
