I have an 9 mo. old son who won't nap unless he's being held. He doesn't do great at night either but not as bad as the nap sittuation. I know al about the whole let them cry it out bit but he just stands in his crib and screams for HOURS. Even when he's comforted and put back down he screams. At night he falls a sleep with his nursing and will sleep well for 4 hrs. and then get up and need to be rocked back to sleep again.
Here's the complicating issues though:
He and his 31/2 y.o. sister share a room so I don't want to let him cry ecause he wakes her up.
I work 4 days a week and we have recently changed sitters 2x's in the last 3 weeks.
He's at the peak of the who separation anxiety phase.
He's out grown his swing so I can't put him there for nap times.
And really I do not believe in ther Ferber method (especially since he's recanted most of his own theory.)
I would really appreciate someone's perspective and creativity with this issue. Thank You so much.
Thank You so much for all the fantastic input. Well we're doing better but not perfect. I can't move him out of his sister's room because we don't have another bedroom. This should make you all laugh...the crib won't fit through the door way to move him to our room. My son eats any solid that's safe at this age so I've worked hard to be sure that in addition to protien and veggie he gets some carbs for dinner. He's adjusted to the sitter and is napping well there and napping better at home. He still wakes up in the night but he talks for about an hour and lays back down to sleep. I haven't got him attached to a lovey yet but I'm working on it. So once again I thank you for all your advice it was very useful.
My son will be 3 in November. Leaving him in his crib to "cry it out" ended up in him making himself throw up, so we just let him sleep in the bed with us until he fell asleep and put him in his crib once we knew he was asleep=)
Have you tried laying down with him and letting his sleep next to you for awhile? That way, he knows you are near, but you are not actually holding him. I would stroke his head or back, but let him sleep on his own next to you. I found that my son will fall into a deep sleep when I am next to him and then once he is asleep, I could put him in his crib without him waking up. I know whenever I would hold him, it was like he knew I was waiting for him to go to sleep so I could drop him in his crib. I swear they can read your mind. Anyway, I had the same problem around 9 months, but now my son is almost 2 and he started sleeping 2 1/2 to 3 hours for nap time and all night long (8-9 hours)after I did this. I still hold him until he gets to sleep at night. I know, a lot of people say not to do that, but I enjoy it and I know when he is older, he won't want me to hold him and I will miss it. I am savoring every minute with him.
My advice hold him ALL NIGHT :) My daughter just turned one this month and she hasn't let me hold her since she was able to walk along things. I hate it I wish I could go back and hold her more. Soak it up while you can.
Secondly since you work I know you need to get sleep:) Have you thought of co-sleeping? You said you're nursing right? Did you do this when he was little. I did and loved it. You should check out the Dr Sears sleep solutions book. They are just about the only pediatricians who support co sleeping. My dauhgter slept in our bed in her positioner til she was almost 4 months old:)
Good Luck:)
P.S. I don't belive in the cring it out either. My friend did it with her twins and they literally screamed for HOURS. I don't know how anyone can do this to there children. My daughter doesn't want to go night-night sometimes and I hold her for a lttle bit (if she let me) then put her down and she goes right out:)
try once hes asleep wrapping him tightly in a warm blanket. and laying him against something in his bed. my son had this issue and when it got so bad that i could not function because i was so tired this is what we came up with.
Hi how are you. I can only tell you that it takes patience. My only thing that I can offer is to try the same exact routine w/ him. I tried playing a cd through the nite with soft lullibies some what louder then usually sleep music and then turn down as he gets better. Although your other child that is the same room it may be difficult. But they too should enjoy the music. If there is anything else that I think of later I will pass it on. Good Luck! J.
P.s. Also with you changing babysitters it is making him uneasy and unsecure with his environment--which is normal not your fault:)
If it's the whole separation anxiety thing and not necessarily *needing* to be held, try putting him in his crib when he's just about asleep with one of his blankets that you've slept with or wrapped around you for awhile. Sometimes it's just mom's scent that they need to stay settled.
Good luck!
S.
Here is what worked for us... We allowed our son to nap and also fall asleep for the evening in his pack-n-play in our family room with us. This way Mom and Dad were near by, but he knew that his blankie and bear meant sleepy time. He was allowed to stay there for nap time, but for bed time he was moved to his room and crib after he fell asleep. Then we moved him entirely to his bedroom for nap time and bed time. Initially my husband or I would lay on the floor next to his crib and rub his back or tummy until he fell asleep. He never cried or was upset when we stayed with him. This only took a little while and then we could put him down in his crib and leave the room. He turns on his "Flutterbye" crib toy and lays down with his blankie and bear and we don't have to stay with him anymore. Occasionally for nap time I still have to lay with him if he doesn't want to nap, but not very often. He's been sleeping through the night since he was 2 months old with only a few off nights during that time. He's 2 now and sleepy time is a breeze for the most part. If he doesn't have a comfort "lovey" try introducing one for sleepy time. My son knows his silky blankie means night-night and that's all it's used for, so there is no crying or carrying on during the day that he wants it. Good luck to you and I hope this gives you some ideas!
I say hold him. Maybe move the crib into your room for a little while, and hopefully he'll move out of the velcro stage quickly. The babysitter change is probably bothering him, especially if he didn't know the sitters beforehand. If he's feeling insecure, letting him cry will just make him more insecure. You can call me at 4am when I'm rocking my 11 month old back to sleep. :)
My daughter had issues of the same sort. I read somewhere(but don't remember where) about comforting them while they are still in their own bed. Then gradually moving farther and farther away till you are out of the room. You can use your own judgement on went to move away and then he will learn to sleep. I would try it at nap time and bed time.
Hope this helps
Have you ever thought about "moving in" to the room or having him move into your room? I had the same problem with my oldest when he was that age. I worked 5 days a week and was gone from him from 7:30 in the morning until 6 at night sometimes. And when he started to figure out who Mom and Dad was - well it was a rough go. I ended up moving his crib into my room for a while and once I did that he finally slept through the night. Sounds like you have had a lot of changes going on and if you are stressed - then they always seem to pick up on it and make life interesting. Both of my boys went through this so I know what you are going through. I had to do what I did in order to take care of myself - so I wasn't so on edge and tired and then I went ahead and worked with him. Once he was sleeping through the night consistanly (that being the key word) I ended up moving the crib back into his room and having a chair in there and sitting with him when he did wake up - that only lasted for a little bit and then he just started sleeping by himself. All of this took months - and a lot of patience. But I think that you will get through this too. Good Luck!!
Hi J.,
Maybe a chiropractic adjustment will help. Sounds to me he can't get settled enough to rest. The birthing process can put their spin out of alignment. I would try this. Also, you may want to check to see how many electrical things are plugged into the outlets in his room and is the room above the electrical box. There maybe too much static going on in his room. Check out this website: www.electricalpollution.com
Hope this helps. Any questions please contact me at ____@____.com
L. B
My 6 y.o. hated naps as a baby. She just didn't get tired enough during the day. When she did want a nap it was in the afternoon. Try not putting him down for a nap one day & see what happens or try changing what time you put him down for a nap.
Hi J.,
First thing you need to do is stop the room sharing with your other child. They need their own space. It is especially hard for a child to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up and see someone else in the room. At 9mo old he should be able to sleep at least 8 hours at night.
As far as the going to sleep part of it, try putting him down with a bottle of water. The sucking sensation should sooth him as it does at night. If he does not like water, then give him some formula. I know they say not to put your baby to bed with a bottle beacuse of the long term affects on the way the teeth develop but at this point I thing you have bigger issues to deal with. Your baby needs to get his sleep as just as much as you do.
Also, make sure the room is dark enough. You can buy room darkening blinds at any home improvement store like lowes or home depot. If you can't really afford redoing the windows at this time them just put a blanket over the curtain rod.
You say he's 9 mo old and nursing - what food is he on? My daughters didn't sleep well through the night if they were still hungry. Maybe feeding him more baby food later in the evening will help him sleep longer at night. I don't recommend holding him all the time. It gives support to his need to cling. With the change in sitters and sister just starting school, being away now, yes, he's going to feel cranky over the changes going on. My children (amost 1 and almost 2) share a room also. Try a mobile for him, or musical toys he can activate on his own until he wears himself out. Also, you might try shortening his afternoon nap. It may seem strange to wake him, but it may make nighttime easier.
J., our babies are soooo close in age! And I'm in Cincy, too. My daughter is 3.5 yrs, just started preschool, and my son just turned 8 months old yesterday. I nursed my daughter well into toddlerhood and my son is still going strong at 8 months. As far as the napping goes... mine little guy is really sensitive, too. Sometimes I can transfer him into our bed or his crib while he's in a deep sleep, and other times no matter what I do, he'll only sleep on me (or his dad or grandparents). Here are some of the things that we do - and we periodically try to put him down drowsy or transfer him to bed because, well, it will eventually work (hehe, at least it did w/ our daughter).
A few things that have worked for us:
* I or my husband "wears" the baby down by carrying him in a comfortable, supportive baby carrier, then let him sleep on us while still in the carrier (I like the Ergo or Sutemi or Patapum carriers, while my husband is partial to a simple ring sling) which means our son sleeps well AND mom/dad is comfortable, we go about our day with both hands free to make lunch, do laundry, etc., while baby naps. There are several non-profit parenting/moms groups in town where you can check out a variety of carriers, try them on, see which ones feel good to you and your baby - to be able to see, touch, try them is SOOO nice because otherwise it's buying sight unseen as most good carriers are only available online - definitely hook up w/ one of the mom's groups:
Cincinnati NINO Babywearing group
Leader: Suzy Ahn
Meets the 1st Saturday of each month at 1:00 p.m
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cincinnatiNINO/
http://www.nineinnineout.org/mission.htm
API-Cincincinnati Parenting group
Leaders: Rhonda, Megan & Clay
Meets the 2nd Saturday of each month at 4:00 p.m
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/API-Cincinnati/
Here are links to the comfy carriers I love for babies older than 6 months:
Ergo Baby Carrier (complete w/ how-to videos!)
http://theportablebaby.com/ergo.html
Patapum
http://store.attachedtobaby.com/detail.aspx?ID=105&Na...#
Sutemi Carrier
http://store.peppermint.com/sutemi-pack.html
* We have his crib in our room, and we do a combination of crib sleeping and co-sleeping. This velcro-baby stage is intense, so we try to fill up his cup (his needing to be close to us) at night by bringing him into our bed after his first wake up (NOTE: we have made our bed safe for cosleeping - firm mattress, no heavy blankets or pillows, neither of us smoke or take drugs/prescriptions of any kind to make us drowsy, bed is on the floor as our little guy is crawling but doesn't know yet how to safely get down on his own). I really do think this extra physical closeness helps him out, and oh my gosh, at 8/9 months old they're so cuddly and pretty sturdy (it would be *super* hard to unknowingly roll over onto my 20-pound 8 month old - he'd kick us!). Some nights he'll go for most of the night in his crib, while others he will about 4 hrs into the night, need to pee (he wakes up mad, crying because of the pressure in his bladder!) so we potty him, and then he may want to nurse or he may just fall right back to sleep. Anyway... yeah, second a previous mother's suggestion to move his crib into your room for now.
Sorry to ramble... Feel free to email me if you ever want to get our kids together - I've not yet met another local mom with kids so close in age to mine! :)
