Wow, I am so sorry! I hope that you have someone close to you that you can confide in - like a best friend, spouse or sister/relative so that you don't feel so alone in this. It must be overwhelming!
Do you remember when he was little - around the toddler ages- and those tantrums would come and you would just have to continue on in the activity until the activity was complete simply because there was no other option?.. For example - he is screaming and crying, but he HAD to have a dose of medicine. Or he was freaking out but he HAD to learn to sleep through the night in his own room, in his own bed, and that was that?
This is just like one of those times. He has to learn that people cannot lie and manipulate one another, and that he shouldn't be using others the way that he is. He needs to see that its wrong and mean and that he must stop. You will need a therapist for this - not just for him, but for you too. There isn't really another way around it honestly - in my opinion I think thats your best option. Involving a third party professional can help mediate this huge transition in your relationship.
You may consider notifying a guidance counselor at his school about all of this and requesting help from them as well. The sooner people around him become aware of the situation, the sooner they can help you help him. Thats what they are there for.
As for the internet - disconnect it. Trying to take it away from him will be hard because he'll just rebel and find it and plug it all back in - it would be a big ordeal - I'd call the cable company and just have the service canceled for a while. Call and cancel it right now unless for some reason you need it every day for work related purposes.
I agree that you should notify the girl's parents. They can find the appropriate way to tell her what has been going on - if you do it, he may just come up with some awful, hair-brained story about you to convince her you're crazy and to keep her with him. Let her parents know so you have more back-up.
I know all of this sounds so overwhelming and crazy... and I know its really scary - but save those feelings for time when you are alone or with a friend or counselor - right now you need to be strong for him. You have to teach him that his behavior is unacceptable... even though he isn't a toddler anymore, he's still your child, and he will not behave this way.
Counseling will help tremendously. He will fight it at first. Maybe for a long time... that it why you need help.
The important thing to remember is that this is your child... nothing is more important right now than getting him the help that he needs so that all of this can be resolved. It might seem like you're "ruining his life" by telling the girls' (both of them) parents... the long distance one and the local one... and he will freak out - but it is in his best interest.
If I had a dime for every time one of my sons (4, soon to be 5 in June) told me I had "ruined their life" I would be rich. I turn off the TV.... life is ruined. I take away the game box.... ruined! I send them to bed hungry.... life is ruined! ...I have even pulled one of them off the soccer team for lying about winning tournaments and what not... he had to tell his coach, then apologize and turn in his jersey until next season - but you know what?.... They don't watch too much TV, they're not obsessed with video games, they eat their dinner without complaining or using awful manners, and they've learned why its important to always tell the truth... And you know - I only stayed the "bad guy" temporarily... it wears off.
Best of luck to you, hang in there!!
