My Son Is Still Hitting

If he's fine in all other social situations and at home, maybe it's a problem related directly to the school. Maybe a lack of supervision or individual attention.

First things first. Teachers are not doctors and are not legally allowed to tell you your child needs medication. I have a child that was a premie and sick for many years, one miserable teacher called me daily and insisted he needed ritalin, which of course would not mix with his other medication. She refused to believe it had something to do with his heart problems and swore that he was sleepy because "those are the hardest kinds to diagnose". I finally had to go to the school board to get her to stop and have him placed in a different classroom. Any teacher that is insisting on you medicating a three year old needs to be reprimanded by their boss. That being said, a teacher that recomends that a child be tested is a different story.

Your child is 3. Typically they hit when they are overwhelmed because at 3 children aren't emotionally mature enough to express what is frustrating them. It could be something as simple as a toy that he wants and he doesnt know how to ask for a turn. If he hits someone he needs to be removed from the situation until he is able to control his emotions. You might find out about a play therapist who can help you find out what is upsetting him and help him learn to express his frustration in a more healthy way.

And yes, a new class is an excellent idea.

I am having the same problem still....my son is 5 and he is good everywhere but at school. It is getting better though. I sware the teachers must not believe that he doesn't have tantrums or hit at home. We are doing play therapy. We were doing meds, but we decided to stop that. If you would like the number to my play therapist, she has worked wonders and takes insurance, PM me.

Not all children with ADD are hyper. It seems when behavior becomes the problems they always want to medicate. Years ago they put a few kids on Retlin and they calmed down the teachers saw how wonderful that was so they wanted to give it to all. But Then they found not all respond to it and the side affects are bad. When my son acted out they would not give it out and held off. He is Dylexic not Add. But it has t do with attention span. At age three he could just be normal but they also say that when a child acts up they are not getting some need met and explore what he really wants and let him earn it. G. W

I agree with Jody and I think maybe try changing his diet. I can't personally say that I have tried this however I have heard of people who have done the gluten free diets and it has really helped their kids. Let us know what you try and if it works.

D.,

I agree about not drugging your child. Generally, the drugs cause more damage than good. It could quite possibly be a diet issue. It could be an issue with communication links in his body. Both of these can be resolved WITHOUT the use of drugs. I would highly recommend seeing a chiropractor who is established at working with children or seeing a homeopath.
My chiropractor is in Plano and her focus is pregnant women and children. Her name is Dr. Sue Hegel, D.C. and her number is ###-###-####. She has seen both of my children for over a year now and my girls are healthy and happy at ages 6 & 2 1/2. She has many success stories with children with similar problems to yours. You can also check out her website at http://www.drsuehegel.com
My homeopath is Joyce Allenberg and she is in Plano also. She can help from an emotional standpoint also. The main idea is to create balance in your child. Her number is ###-###-####.
You could also enroll your child in a calming kid's yoga class. Very good for balancing emotions and learning how to temper anger. A great studio just opened in Old Town Lewisville. Here is the website: http://www.blueanjou.com.

Good luck!

He may just need more physical activity then the school you currently have him in provides. Boys need to be running, jumping, playing in the dirt, exploring, etc. Sometimes aggressive behavior like hitting or pushing is to get the physical stimulation he craves. Two books that might be of interest to you in this situation is "The Out of Sync Child" or "The Power of Play". I know how active boys can be--it is part of them and to manage their "enthusiasm" requires some additional energy expenditure!

It is too early to have him tested and expect good results. You are right 3 yr olds (especially boys) are hyper at this age and it would be impossible to tell what was natural and what wasn't. Also, if he does not act out with you, then he is in control of his actions. He may be craving attention at school. You may try to make lectures about bad behavior shorter and give a time out and praise him longer for good days. Reward with your full attention, a game, trip to park, watch a cartoon together. Kids that crave attention will take it any way they can get it. I'm sure you give him plenty of positive attention, but if for some reason he is craving more, this should help to get more good behavior for attention. Also, you might mention this to his teacher as well, this is happening at school so it may be their attention he is craving. Hopefully, the new class will make a difference. Kids like structure. Maybe the other class just is not structured enough for him. The bottom line is he is too young to medicate or get accurate test results for ADD or ADHD. The only thing you can do is try new things and continue to let him know that this behavior is not acceptable. I hope he grows out of it soon for your sake as well as his. Good Luck!

As a Master's level counselor/therapist- it is extremely difficult to test for ADHD in that young of a child. ADHD is extremely over-diagnosed. Most of the time it is a situation of diet, exercise, lack of structure, boredom, etc... I would wait. Also, the only way a child should be diagnosed with ADHD is if they exhibit that behavior over all situations (school, home, public, etc...) I would question the teacher/school- maybe he/she isn't that great of a teacher.

It is WAY too early to test for ADD or ADHD. Our neurologist said they can't accurately test for it until they are at least 7 years old. He's still very young, so your chances are he will grow out of it. I really think that your teacher is jumping the gun here. Just the fact that he's good for you in other situations makes me think that ADD or ADHD is not his problem. BTW, does his school make plenty of time for physical activity? That is sooo important for young children to stay focused, especially boys!!

He may always be active, but that doesn't mean it's a problem, it just means that you have to learn to work with him. My boys are both better if I get them out and active at least once a day, even on school days. With us, even an evening walk does wonders. For my older son they recommended a trampoline (or blow up jumper) to help him cope. They say it does wonders for children with a variety of different issues (ADD, ADHD, sensory integration, autism, etc). We see a huge difference when they get just 15 minutes of jumping in.

All that said, if you really feel like it's an issue, trust your instincts and see a specialist. At least you will have peace of mind. If you need the name of a good child neurologist, let me know and I'll give you mine. He was recommended to me by SEVERAL moms at Our Children's House Baylor and these are moms with kids with severe problems!!

I think it's great you are taking a proactive measures on this.

Good luck to you!!

I would see if he is allergic or sensitive to wheat. There is something about gluten in some kids that triggers them to act out. Try http://www.glutenfreeforum.com/ for more info on how to eliminate wheat from his diet.

You will probably notice a big difference in him when he moves to the older class. Is he hitting one child, or just whoever is there? The teacher should be able to tell you what is happening when the hitting is occuring. Children at that age are still learning how to express themselves. Maybe he's tried other ways, but isn't being heard. If he is just hitting at school, it's probably the situation.

ADD or ADHD may not be his problem and you might want to ask the doctor if there is some kind of testing you should do. Even if he does have ADD/ADHD you don't have to drug him up, there are alternatives.

I would not stop looking for help.... try the doctor, try a child psychiatrist, try changing his diet to no additives/no sugar... whatever options are out there to try, because you don't want it to get worse.

He could have a hard time expressing himself in situations where there's alot going on (home is safe and comfortable, maybe daycare excites his system too much) and hitting is the way he finds to express himself.

Hey D.,

I completely understand what you are going through. You are doing the right things. I have a 4 year old son that used to do the same things. It is a progession sometimes in correcting their behavior. With the ADD, ADHD testing; my advice is wait. It runs heavily in both my side and the father's side. I know my children may have it, but like you said, aren't most kids hyperactive. If you have him tested and the doctor thinks he has it, you will be putting him on medication for the rest of his life. I have never had medication, my ex-husband did. I however, for example, did well in school, where he struggled. Medication does not always correct the behavior the way it should. My parents disciplined me and made sure that I understood why there were each time...I learned, through being trained, what was exceptable behavior and what was not.

Also, there is a book I read a while ago speaking about the 5 love languages of children. The behavior at school may be something he is reacting to from someone there or elsewhere... I know when I had that problem with both of my boys. The school behavior was because I was not being attentive enough because of other situations in our lives. No excuses on my part, but when I figured that out, that improved drastically. It may be something as simple as an hour of alone time with you or daddy he needs... just a thought!

Don't give up on him! He is the most precious thing you could ever sink your efforts into! You are doing a great job!

L.