My Son Is Sad- Wants to Be a "Boss"

My son is boss of his construction site. He is 5 and has tons of cars, trucks, tonka construction, fire trucks and all. He takes them to the sandbox outback and builds bridges and roads. He gets to be foreman out there. He tells my husband and I that his guys are on break or they have to work overtime this week. He gets to play out all his little guy fantasies. We play along and pretend to work for him - hey boss - can I take a break now? He gets a kick out of it.

Hi Susan, in first grade my oldest son wanted to drive the ice cream truck. Not, like, when he grows up, but now, right NOW he wants to drive the ice cream truck.
It made him sad too, to learn there are limitations at all phases of life. Eventually he stopped asking to drive the ice cream truck (sadly), after the zillionth time I said, But James you CAN drive the ice cream truck! You can do anything you want! But you can't drive it NOW, it's against the LAW, not mommy law but THE LAW!

I think he learned to not waste TOO much time dwelling on what you can't immediately achieve (a little is ok, right?), and use his positive drive (pun intended) to what he CAN achieve right now, and beyond.

I love your story. You're a beautiful writer.

:)

When I was a little girl, my parents gave me a red wooden phone. I would sit on that phone and conduct business deals. I liked the sound of well used paper stacks rustling and would keep a folder of drawings and notes next to me so that I could pick them up and put them down, making the noise. It all made me feel very grownup. Very much a boss. I remember that vividly.

It's hard being a kid sometimes, isn't it? They have not realized yet that none of us are big-boss ALL the time (thank god). And that being "boss" isn't really all that fun. None of us has control of everything, but kids feel that much more, I think. I think they THINK we have much more control than we really have.

I remember the first earthquake I was in. I thought my sister made it happen. I kept on yelling, "turn it off!!!! Turn it off!!!!!" I didn't understand that big kids and grownups aren't all powerful. It makes me laugh to remember that now, but at the time I was so frustrated and bewildered.

Why not take him down to the Ocean. Explain that none of us are boss of everything. It's good to not be all powerful or controlling. When we swim in the ocean, we are able to feel the power and control of something much bigger than us. I was swimming in your Ocean during a storm and was knocked against something - hard. I really woke up that day, and realized how small I am. It was very humbling, and very freeing.

To be a child is to be able to relax and let others run the show. At the time it's frustrating. But it's very important for a child too. Not being the boss is a lesson I am relearning. And a good one, at that.

I hope your storms are over, and that your home did not become damaged.

Maybe if you have a pet, you could make him the boss of feeding and watering the pet? Or something similar. The boss of making sure there is always toilet paper in the bathroom? These are real things that someone has to notice and take care of. I would just make sure that you help him as needed, etc. so that he can feel successful at his boss-job.

awe, thats cute! Maybe he can be "boss" to his favorite toys, or a pet? When my daughter got her cat, oh my, the bossiness sure came out... it was pretty funny. The cat learned to walk on a leash, be pushed in a doll stroller & "enjoy" (tolerate) being bathed. She also had her teeth brushed. She was (is) a very tolerant cat.

He's fine. Just let him work it out. All children want to be the boss so that no one can tell them what to do or say no. I mean, who wants to be told that they can't have ice cream and candy for breakfast? If you're the boss then you can have six bowls of ice cream, all different flavors each time, covered in chocolate and candy.

It sounds like he understands anyway, so I really would just let him be.

Well my 7-year-old control freak would explain to him that he's "the boss" of himself and "the only person you control is you, and the only person who can control you is you too!" My husband and mother both flipped out when I started to teach him that he's right, he is the boss of himself and he is right, no one can make him do anything. At the end of the day, that's true - we can lay down rules, and he chooses to follow them, or not follow them and live with the consequences. My little control freak is much easier to deal with when I appeal to his need to be in control.

Your little guy is much younger, and sounds like he's OK behavior-wise, but perhaps instead of letting him think he's powerless, introduce (within reason) the idea that he is "the boss" of some things already - perhaps what he wears, or what he plays with, or which cereal he has for breakfast. And being "the boss" isn't about telling people what to do, it's about taking responsibility for making sure that people have what they need to do "their jobs" to the best of their ability. In the classroom, it's not about telling the kids what to do, it's about leading and facilitating learning. In a school, it's not about the principal telling the teachers what to do, it's about making sure they have everything they need to be great teachers. So if he really likes "the boss" idea, let him know that it's about helping and responsibility, not commanding. And he can certainly be helpful and responsible!

He sounds like a great kid with big dreams!

He'll get over it and bottom line is that in your house, he's not the boss. My son (3) went through a phase where he insisted that he wanted to be "the parent" because he wanted to be in charge. We didn't make a big deal out of it and just told him that when he's older he can be in charge, but for now we are!

My daughter wants to be boss too - she is almost 4. She already acts like she is the boss of her 2.5 yo brother and tries to be the boss of me and her daddy. We have talked to her about it and told her she has to wait to have her own family to become Boss....she realizes it is a long time. But, there is no way (no matter how well-mannered my kiddos are) that I am going to let my kids be Boss of our house. Just be careful :)