My Son Is Havig Troubles in school..any Advice??

Hi,

I have a son who is not fitting the norm either and we have behavioural issues with him and homework from day one was a desaster. Now he is in 3rd grade and we found out that he as dyslexic dysgraphia (lots of spelling mistakes, sloppy handwriting, difficulty to concentrate) and since I know that and have found the right tutoring I am much more relaxed with him and I don't care much about homework at all anymore which helps on all levels. See how he does with a different teacher once you move.

ADHD and ADD is so often used to diagnose things but I think that is just helplessness and then wanting to fix things with medication.

My husband and I are in family therapie and we have done 3 family constellations (check internet) and since our frist session for our son he can sleep 99% better and fall asleep, does not talk about not wanting to live anymore. It's a very different approach but our family has seen so much improvement over the past 6 months including getting good grades in language test. He still has lots of spelling mistakes on an ongoing basis but he is able to pull himself so much togther now during the tests that the grades have gone 2-3 grade points.

Good luck to you!

E.

My goodness I can relate. My second son is similar although he does give us the school notes. My feelings are that some children are more difficult to raise than others. The fiesty children take more time, energy and effort to get the same message other children seem to grasp and follow more easily. I am a BIG believer in remaining firm and consistant. As my child matures he seems to demonstrate he is indeed learing the lessons I have been "knocking over his head" for so many, many years. That is my "You are a GREAT Mom! Keep marching along and you will succeed." speech. Now with some practical advice. I will tell you how I am approaching my son's lies. This child does best when he has decided it is the thing to do and not simply because Mom and Dad say so. Therefore, I am pointing out to him what the consequences of his lies are i.e. I can not believe him when he tells me something. I am also trying to teach him to take care of his honor and that his words can harm his honor. (He is into knights and soldiers.) He is the only one who can control his words, not me or Dad. I do think this is working for me but it is definately a slower way to teach a lesson, my other two seemed to get the concept simply through my displeasure and a couple of punishments. Not getting teachers notes is an easy fix, the teacher can now email notes to you and not have them go through your son. I have worked so hard on my second son's behavior but I have no magical words or advice for you. I am betting your son does best with a schedual he knows and can anticipate. I suggest finding a teacher who also likes to run her classroom on a strict schedual, holds strict rules in her class, and is consistant in her expectations. I know it sounds ridged but with a loving and caring teacher this "old school" structure is a comfort, especially for children with mild ADD or simply mild behavior issues. After a while they can succeed with the good behavior expectations because they learn what is expected and know the consequences when they make a poor choice. There is comfort in the knowing and repetition of their day. Well, no quick fix from me but I will tell you my middle child's behavior issues have decreased (not gone away) so much between the ages of 5-7 that I am one happy Mommy. (Please note that I know he will always be a bit more work, require more patience from me, and I will have to keep an eagle eye on this one at all times. That is OK too. I could give you a list of things he does better than his two brothers. He is who he is. Not perfect...me either. Same with your son? Perfect for who he is. You just hang in there and keep on top of him, one day at a time.

I highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic. it's a Fabulous book/resource.
They have a copy at the base library.

How old is your son?-that would help with ideas.

What types of activities is he in? I don't know how old he is, but maybe you could let him choose an activity that he's really interested in. This could serve multiple purposes. Number 1, it would teach him some discipline, responsibility, etc..., it could burn off some energy, and it could be used as a motivator for doing his schoolwork. For instance, if he starts slacking at school or getting into trouble for behavior, then no activity. I've heard kids with ADHD can really get a lot out of individual sports like karate, wrestling. Swimming is also a great sport that wears you out! Also, have you though about getting into an online group of parents of ADHD kids? They would be a tremendous resource.

Hi M.

I am sorry you are having problems with your child and school. I understand your frustration. I had a similar thing happens quite a few years ago with my eldest son. After doing much digging I found out that what was actually happening was he was being bullied and ridiculed by his peers at school, so this was making him act out. All I am saying is, there may be more to it than ADD or ADHD, the teachers and doctors are way to quick to always throw those two reasons out there these days, and it seems very quick in your case to medicate the problem without finding out what really is the problem. It may be they are correct, but has anyone really looked deeper into his behavioural issues? Just something to think about. I think children usually act out because they are hurting in some way. I am also a big believer in the old addage "negative attention is better than no attention at all" (Just me being senstive not trained or anything:) Good luck to you and your little boy.

N.

M.,
Some of the previous responses are spot on... doctors/teachers are too quick to define the problem and solve it with drugs. You do need to investigate what's going on and get his attention by taking away something he cares about.

You said you are PCSing soon... perhaps he's afraid of the change and it's affected him in a way that he just can't communicate it right now and acting out is the only way for him to get attention.

One step to solving the issue that people seem to have left out... prayer. Allow yourself and your son to pray together (or separately) that he can focus on his behavior at school and concentrate more on his studies. I know there are "prayer warriors" out there who know what I'm talking about, if not, try reading Stormie O'Martian's "Power of a Praying Parent".

I love her books and have read most of them. The Power of A Praying Parent book is filled with guided prayers that can help you focus your attention on your son's needs.

You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers throughout this week and beyond.
I will continually pray that you will be given strength to know that you are a good mom and doing the best with the tools you have, that you will be filled with peace that you are doing all you can, and that you and your son will be guided toward something/someone that will lead you to the answers you need to help your son and get through this trying time.

I hope I haven't offended you in any way with my comments.
Blessings,
H.

M.,
Request to speak to the School Psychologist. Tell the teacher you are not looking for a full up evaluation (Special Education Evaluation), but just that you know the school psychologist is well versed in behavioral issues at school and can give you suggestions as to what to do at home. You can also talk to the school Counselor, but their specialty is more directed towards vocational/future occupational needs/services.
I suggest the School Psychologist, becuase he/she can talk to the teacher and get all the particulars of the behavioral issues that the teacher may be unwilling to talk directly to you about. The School Psychologist should also be unbiased about the situation, and will be able to identify maybe what the teacher is doing/not doing that could be a factor. Finally, the School Psychologist can give you ideas about what to do to mirror/compliment the disciplinary tactics used by the school with your son.
I am a School Psychologist; however, I am currently unemployed due to this overseas assignment and twins. Good Luck, and from now on be proactive in continueing to talk to this and future teachers. Don't wait for her/him to contact you, because his/her idea of effective communication obviously wasn't effective.
W.

Well I dont have that problem with my daughter since she is only 3..But my Mom did with me pretty bad actually..I think sitting with him daily and doing it is the best start. I dont know if they have them still but i had a eduactional therapist she helped with disclipine. Most of all he has to have a whole picture if he understands homework leads to better grades..better grades mean rewards in life it might be easier for him to want to try..I hope it gets easier for you, I still feel bad for what i put my mom through. Good luck S. A..