My Son Is 15 - Saint Petersburg,FL

Hi. I was in the same boat, so, I bit the bullet and bought myself a wii. My son was more than happy to help me put it together, and now, whenver I want to spend some time with him or the family as a whole, we play wii games. They actually are a lot of fun, and suitable for everyone. I even got the tiger woods golf game, and when friens from up North came down to play golf and got rained out, we spent the whole evening with them playing wii golf. Good Luck.

I think Barb D. had the best advice. I don't understand the people that said just leave him alone. I think there can be a happy medium...you don't want to smother him but you don't have to ignore him either. I think learing to play video games is a great idea if that's what he's into. You may find you like it. I have 2 boys, no daughters, and I'm extatic because I love video games...lol. Good luck...and remember that even if he doesn't want to spend as much time with you, he loves you very much and he always will.

Hi C.,

If you like games, you might want to consider signing up and playing Maple Story. It's an online role-playing game. Since my grandkids are all over the ocuntry, it is a way for me to play and interact with them even though we are all so far apart. I have a friend in Iowa that plays it with her kids and we all get together online to play. The "monsters" in the game are snails and mushrooms and the like. No cursing is allowed. It's fun and a great way to "connect", especially with tweens and teens.

Good luck,

N. K

Hi C.~

As you are a musician, have you heard of the Wednesday Night Jammers? Lots of fantastic musicians in this area, and many of them meet in this venue. If you're interested, send me your email address and I'll send it to Jim Glover, who sends notification each week to the Jammmers to tell them where they'll be meeting each week. I'll include my phone number at the end so you can call me if you have questions.

I think its normal for your son to be pulling away at this time. He'll start being "yours" again in about five years. We forget that, until the past couple of hundred years, people went out and got jobs and got married at that age. God and Nature is demanding he now become his own person. So glad you have the younger ones who still need you! I hope I have not offended with my "radical" ideas.

G.
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I am sorry that you feel this way. I feel like that sometimes too. What does he do in his room when he doesn't come out? maybe you can knock on his door and ask if you can come in (when he is alone) and just sit down and let him know how you feel. If you show him honest feelings maybe he will show them back to you.

I hope you get through this soon!
God Bless!
K. J

Hi,
Maybe you can take him to bush Gardens just the two of you and spend time there together for a day.Or maybe take him to the mall and let him do some shopping at the stores he likes.
Hope this helps you.

Thanks for asking this question, C.. My son is 10 and I can see this in my near future! I'm going to read what others say...
(I have a 14-year-old daughter and the same is happening, except she does like to read with me, go to plays and watch movies with me.) What about taking him to a concert? The Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center has some great shows, many of them free. FYI - A group from Peru - Andes Manta - is playing April 3 at 6 p.m. on the Tampa downtown riverwalk for free. (I'm taking my kids!)
good luck,
L.

I have daughter that is 12. It breaks my heart everyday as I see her Computer, friends, sleep overs etc. My daughter looks like she is 15-18 years of age and that scares me. We have been doing more family things. Find out what your son like, outdoors, fishing, kyaking etc. My husband and my daughter go 4 wheeling, mudding and jeeping. My daughter and I spend time in the kitchen, baking, cooking and making homemade candy. We also have taken up kayaking and we both are very much into photography, my daughter had her first camers before she was born. FIND HIS LIKES and try your best to participate, you may not like some of it. Have his firends over. This helps A LOT!

I'm 41 and my husband is 48, we've been together for 18 years. I'm an avid photographer. I have just one child so I'm sure this makes it some what easier, not always true.

R. M

Hi C., I too have a 15 y/o son, and have experienced the same thing you talked about. Are there any tv programs on that you both like? I noticed that my son will sit down and watch certain programs with me which then leads to us talking, etc. Also, he really likes to go to movies, would your son consider doing a movie? I know there isn't much talking during the movie, but the drive there as well as waiting for the movie to come on is some great alone time with each other. Also, sitting down and playing cards is also really fun. One of our favorite games is gin rummy. Hope these ideas help. Good luck!

Hi C.~

My oldest son is now 18 (will be 19 in June). When he was around 14 or 15 he really started to pull away. I asked some of my mom friends why and what I could do. I was told that boys need to pull away from their mom, to feel independent, and to start to become a man. This really does make a lot of sense. All I could do was just watch him pull away and hope that he would soon see that he needed me as much as I needed him. A couple of years went by with him being distant, but eventually he started to grow near to me again, and this time it was different because he had changed some, seeming more mature and non-chalant(sp), but I was definitely back in the picture again, getting hugs, watching movies, hangin' out, talking.

Your son probably doesn't want to hang out with the girls because he wants to start to become a man. He needs his space to figure out who he is apart from you. And he can only do that if he separates himself from you for awhile. I know this is hard, I cried because I missed 'my bubba'.

I hope the best for you, when times get hard, lean on other mom's that are willing. If we all worked together as a community, things would be a lot better, and we wouldn't feel so alone in our situations all the time. God bless you!

A little tidbit about me:
I am 37, my kids are 18, 11, 9 and 4. The older 2 boys, younger 2 girls.

Tell him how you feel. Maybe he will be moved by the situation and can come up with something. But, I can tell you from my experience. My children were very independent and I got the same response from mine. Its not that he doesnt need you, its that you taught him so well to take care of himself that he is doing it on his own, which is good for later in life. The always come back to mom. Questions about life or children, if he is married, showing more that he needs you in different ways now. Just tell him you love him and you are there "when" he needs you.

Blessings

This is a hard one, but here are some thoughts.
Learn to play his video games. Practice on your own or have him teach you. Then have competitions.
Teach him to cook something he likes.
Learn something new TOGETHER. Take some lessons like tennis or pottery...anything you think he'd have some fun doing.
Go to a movie and dinner to talk about the movie - just the 2 of you.
Have family days where all of you participate in a hike or bike ride, etc.
Try a co-journal. You write to him with some questions and give him a day to write back. Tell him to write questions to you. It is a "safe" way to communicate without any embarassing face to face conversations with Mom.
Probably the best idea is teach him to drive the car. I'm sure that is something he really wants to learn. You'd be alone together. You could say he has to spend some doing something you want to do together to get a lesson.
Don't be afraid to sit him down and talk to him about how you feel. Pulling away from his parents is exactly what a 15 year old should be doing, and missing him is exactly what a mom should be doing. If you tell him how you feel, that you miss him but don't want to cramp his style, he'll likely respond more to you. Make sure he knows you aren't just getting in his business, but you really are interested in him and want to stay close.

Good luck.

B.

Well....Welcome to a teenager's life. If I were you I wouldn't force the issue....just let him know every day that you love him and that you miss spending time with him. I went through the same thing and my solution was....I made one night out of the week a family night....where we all had to have dinner together and discuss problems and sollutions and I used to ask them "what their favorite moment of the week was" and ofcourse I started out.It became a night that we all looked forward to. They are all adults now and one has her own teenager....and she keeps the tradition going.
But also...always know where he is and with whom and know who is friends are.

I wouldn't worry too much, you will be close when he gets married and has his own babies...He will call you off the hook when that happens...Hang tight, I have a two year old son but I even told my husband that he will probably be the one he'll go to when he gets older, and I have no interest in guy things (sports,etc.) and will not fake it in the future... but that seems to be the norm. As long as you know what he's up to in life, I wouldn't worry too much about closeness for now.

Since music is the interantional language, why not involve him with your music? Or, learn some of his music on your guitar. It may be the common thread. Also, try to make your house "THE HOUSE" that all the kids want to come to. That way, his friends are comfortable with you and he will start to see you from a different perspective. Hope this helps.
There is no easy way with teenagers..........
Good Luck.
L.

without knowing more detail, our job as mothers is to raise or children to be independent. along with this priviledge, is responsibility---to self, family, and socially. family time is mandatory; staying in his room is optional. make memory days for your family. plan a private meal time with each of your children---once or twice a month do breakfast or lunch at their pick of restaurant, home or picnic. your son will grow away, but he will come back---he will be a man and he will think differently than you think. ah---success when the apron strings are gently untied.

C.,

It is going to be very hard for you to do but leave it alone. Teenagers are in there own world. I have a son and he is 19 months. HE is getting more independent and does not want mama anymore. now if you want to know how I am an expert I have 3 brothers and 2 younger. Boys will always come back to mom. He cannot relate to you right now because all he thinks about is girls, video games and hanging with the fella's. The only thing I can suggest you do is go to him, ask him how his day is going, if there is anything you can do or dicuss with him. Give him a big kiss and tell him "I love you and let me know if you need me for anything" and walk away. We have to let go of our kids and let them be individuals. Family outings might consist of going to a park, church or theme parks but your son is trying to find himself and be a man. Just be that strong woman he can talk to. Don't worry My brothers are married and still come home sometimes to get momma's love. That is a love no one else can give but you!!!!

He is growing up and you can't stop that. To try and push your way back into the relationship you had when he was younger will only alienate him more from you. At his age doing things with mom would lable him as a momma's boy with his peers. This is a normal growing process for teen boys. Independence and privacy are the most important to them at this age. It is time for the apron strings to be cut,let them.As he gets older, he may come to you for advice on a girl or something but now he is old enough to do somethings without parental supervision and he is feeling his freedom. From a wise granny.

Hi! When I read your request, I felt an immediate connection! My oldest of 3 is a 13 year old boy and I have started to see the same things occuring in him. He seems to really connect with his Dad as they talk "like guys" about guy stuff. When it comes to spending time with me, I just try and go into his world. Just get him talking about something you know he is into - maybe driving or cars - and just LISTEN. You really dont have to give a lot of opinion, etc. Just LISTEN and let him talk and you'll start to feel the connection when he sees you are really there for him and interested. Believe me it is not easy to sit and talk about video games for an hour, but if that is what he wants to talk about, just get the talking started and give him 100% attention like he is the only person on the planet. You'll see his eyes light up. Then based on the conversation, make a plan to go and shop cars or whatever he is interested in just you and him. I think that at any age, most everyone is just looking for validation and feeling good. It is just making that connection. I have two girls as well and it is easier to do girlie stuff like you mentioned. It is more of a challenge to connect with a son on that level. But the rewards are priceless when you do. Good luck!

Hi C.,
I know how you are feeling. I have 4 teenagers ages 15..16..17..and 18 all 11 months apart 3 girls 1 boy that is the 16 yr old.
Probably was 14 they started the staying in the room and on the phone and not really needing mom any more so I felt. It's a very hard thing to go through.
What I did was to make a DATE with each of them alone at least once a month to go out with just them. We did a movie or lunch or dinner it was their choice. I might of hated the restaraunt or the movie, but I still went to connect with them one on one. I played video games with them and believe it or not they were most accomodating on teaching me how to play the games and all the special moves to get from one level to the next.
The fact that you like music could be a prime opportunity to get some time with your son. You could take him to see a band he likes (not that they would be your first choice), but you would have the ride to the venue to talk and back home so he could tell you how much he loved that concert.
I've taken them and friends to places and done things with them as a group also. You son sees you are versatile and you become the cool mom with his friends.
Teaching them driving is a fun thing also as one of the responders mentioned. It's really fun to teach them the things that you take for granted they will automatically know when they get behind the wheel from watching you drive for years.
Hold your chin up they do come back around. My 18 year old has even started asking us to go back to Disney again as a family unit instead of her just being with friends all the time and not really wanting to be around the family.

hi my idea for you is to find out if your son is into any sports, and maybe take time with just you and him and go to a game or something. i pray you find the answer you need

Hello, My name is A.. I here ya! I understand completely. I too, have a 15 yr old and he doesn't like me much anymore these days.
If you'd like to talk, look me up or send me a message.

I am going through the same thing with my 14 year old son. The only thing I have found that we can do alone (without my 4 year old) that he enjoys is going out to eat. He loves to have breakfast or lunch dates with just the 2 of us. This way it gives us time to talk alone and catch up on stuff. I am not sure how long this will last, but I am enjoying it while I can!

A.

Maybe it's time to learn some new things. My daughters are both in college and I miss them alot. But when they started drifting away I took it upon myself to learn to do new things. For example, I now play Play Station 2 with them when they come home for breaks. We play sims and dance revolution. We play cards and board games. Sometimes we just all go out and throw the frisbee for the dog. Talk to him and see what he would be comfortable doing with you. You just might be surprised by his answer. Everyone is different, you will only know the answers when you ask the questions. Good Luck!