My Son Interacts with My Daughter in Way That Makes Me Uncomfortable.

I think you are probably reading too much into it..you are thinking like an adult...not a 4 year old!! He is simply mimicking what he sees you doing...you pat her bottom to comfort her...HE pats her bottom...you sniff her bottom to see if she needs to be changed ...He sniffs he bottom too!!! Relax...don't make this mole hill into a mountain!! He loves his little sister..be grateful...and watch them grow up to have a really fabulous relationship!!!

I think you might be reading something into this that isn't there. He's 4, not 14. He is still getting used to having a baby sister around and not being the baby anymore. He might be doing it for attention or he might be mimicking what you do, but just doing it more often. I dont' think he is trying to harm her at all, but if it makes you uncomfortable- redirect him when he does it. Tell him, "no, we don't pat the baby on the bottom, but you can rub her hair softly," or "you can give her a soft kiss on the cheek," or "We can help her play with her toys."
You can also give him little jobs to do to help out with the baby. Have him get you a diaper when she needs to be changed, or have him through the dirty one away. Have him help you pick out her clothes or p.j.'s. Or pick out a story you can read to both of them.
And then, relax. He is just getting used to having a sister- a baby sister. He would probably do the same with a baby brother too. Maybe you could have him rub her tummy or lightly pat her back instead if that makes you feel better. ~C.

Honestly, I pat my baby's butt all the time. For comfort, for fun, for cuddling, whatever...people have turned "heinies" into such a thing when it's not. It is what you make it, basically. I think I stopped patting my older child on the butt when she was about 3 or so (maybe)...

I agree that you are reading something that's not there. I mean, as long as your son hasn't been abused or exposed to pornography, what is your concern? It's a nice, soft place to pat the baby where he doesn't have to worry about hurting her (and you just need to reiterate that gentle touch is important with a baby.) I mean, HE isn't putting some sort of sexual overtone to it, so I don't think you should either.

He's four. He sees how you interact with her and, unless he's been around a lot of babies, he doesn't know how to treat her...so he treats her the way you do. If you pat her back or bottom when she's fussy, he's going to do the same thing. If you sniff her to see if she needs a diaper change, he will to.

He's mimicking you and I wouldn't worry about it.

I don't think this has to do with the fact that he is a boy and she is a girl. I think that it has more to do with the fact that she is "his" baby and she is important to him.

I don't see this as abnormal, but what you should do is to redirect him to do other things. Babies should ALWAYS be supervised around children, so it is good that you are paying attention. But I don't think that it's a good idea for you to keep asking him why he does things he does. What do you expect him to say to you? He's 4. He doesn't know why he wants to pat her bottom. I kind of think that the idea of "if she is real" is probably closest to the truth as you are going to get.

Don't make her private parts sound so much like forbidden fruit either. It will make him even more curious.

The older she gets, the better, especially when she starts walking around and taking his toys. Then he'll know she's plenty real, and instead of patting her bottom, he'll be grabbing toys out of her hand and yelling "Mommy!!!"

Dawn

He is probably mimicking you and it seems like he's doing it more since you are uncomfortable with it, you naturally notice it more. Seems perfectly normal and innocent to me. I think the boy vs girl thing is irrelevant to the situation as he is only 4 and she's an infant (to everyone but you). I would only be sure he's not patting too hard and try to persuade him to stop the sniff-test but the patting seems ok.

Maybe it makes you uncomfortable because all the horror stories you hear in the news these days or if there is some underlining history we're not aware of...that my color your perception differently than ours.

I still pat my 4 year old's booty. It's so giant and cute, lol. I wouldn't worry about it at all!

There's nothing about the situation you describe that seems to me to be out of the ordinary. Touching a baby on the outside of her diaper/clothing is almost inevitable, because that's how she's carried. And you probably do have various ways to check for dirty diapers – many parents sniff (I do!). And of course those bottoms are awfully adorable, and pattable. Not many adults can resist patting babies on backs or bottoms as a natural nurturing impulse. If your son could pick her up, he'd almost certainly do those pats more "legitimately."

A behavior like this could be to some degree natural curiosity. Kids are intensely curious about just about everything around them, and what could be more worth investigating that another small person? I would be worried only if there were alarming sexual overtones, which seldom or never happen in children who have not been handled inappropriately themselves, by an adult or an older child (who have themselves been touched sexually by older children or adults).

I find your son's explanation of wanting to know if she is "real" to be utterly charming. Sounds like normal interest to me.

I think he's showing normal interest and patting her bottom is better than patting her head, right? He's curious about his little sister, it's very normal. You could use this time to teach him the differences between a girl and boy as well.

I would try to have him pat her back and just say this is a softer and better place to pat her. Tell him babies like that better and then just remind him when he pats her bottom. I think children are sometimes curious when a baby comes and this is the first baby and they haven't seen diapers changed before. I would try to be more private about the changing and checking for her needing to be changed and focus on how he shows her toys and talks to her, etc. I would think he is just curious which is not uncommon. I assume he has been the only one until this baby so not around babies much. I also am assuming he is patting her bottom with diaper and clothes on but if he is patting so hard she cried I think you need to really stress gentleness with him and the baby. He'll learn and I wouldn't worry about this unless it became much more severe.

I wonder if you pat her on the bottom. Most people do. Someone suggested you stop him from patting her bottom. If you do, I suggest you also need to stop patting her bottom. When you do you're modeling the behavior for him. I would suggest teaching him when it's appropriate and how much strength to use.

Yeah, I don't think it is anything to worry about either, but I would put a stop to it personally. As you said he did it too hard once and it is her little bum, not his ;) My son's have tried to grab each other's stuff at times, which they find hilarious, they are 4 and 21 months, but we nipped that in the bud right away. Everybody has their own private parts, period. Just like you said, only mom, dad, grandma, and maybe a few select others ever need to see the goods. My older son still likes to be around when I change the younger bc he always wants a poop sighting if possible, gross, but harmless ;) Kids are curious and boys seem to have poop fascination, so I say just keep doing what you are doing and remind him that you will take care of checking her diaper etc. Sounds like you have it handled ;)

I wouldn't worry too much mama. He is 4 and I too have a 4 yr old that touches everything! I would just keep re enforcing the no touch, I think that's a good idea but I don't think its necessarily sexual. When you see him doing nicely tell him to stop. Its a phase and I think he will grow out of it.

Well. My kids did tons of normal, awkward, harmless things, but it's still OK to tell them not to! I'm sure nothing is "wrong", but if you think he does it too much, then he might be doing it too much! Kind of reminds me when my son was flashing us all too much, and/or all my kids went through the "touching boobs" (just mine, but you know, they would purposely touch my boobs all the time-totally common) and you know what? I don't want them touching people's boobs! so I had to teach them, "No touching boobs!" Now my 2 year old is learning "No touching boobs" because she's always feeling up my boobs! (sorry if anyone is offended by "boobs" as a term). They also know "breasts" but I save that for the gyno office, personally. So anyway. Don't be worried, but firmly tell him he doesn't need to touch his sister's bottom. If he then still "pats her" innocently from time to time, fine. But there is no reason he needs to be touching her bottom all the time even though it's innocent. Just teach him, he's fine. Don't even remind of the time I was driving and heard my 3 and two year old giggling. I finally turned around at a stop sign to see they were "touching tongues" and thought it was hilarious EWWWWW! Believe me I was like, "NO doing that!!!!!"

Your son is still young. I don't think he understands that she is another child just like him, a human. Maybe he thinks of her as a baby doll? I don't think he is trying anything (not sure, just trying to be nice here and helpful!). He sees you doing it, he must think its okay. I don't think he understands that is her bottom and its just like his. Maybe he thinks its something fun as in a game or just doing it out of what he sees. If he asks if she is "real" he does not understand she's a baby. I don't think its a huge concern. Just tell him maybe not to touch her bottom area. I've heard and seen of similar situations. I saw a boy sniff his siblings bottom area. I'm sure he is just unsure of what she is, if she is doing what he does and why she poops in her diaper. Maybe he doesn't remember wearing a diaper and doesn't understand that is where she goes potty not in a toilet like him.

Just keep reminding him. I'm sure he will grow out of this phase. She's only 7months old, he is still adjusting as well.

i think you should stop talking to him about it & just keep a close eye.....sometimes when us moms constantly tell children to stop doing something, they want to do it more

I agree with Jennifer H. I do not see any reason to be concerned!

I think that if this peaks your gut feelings to honor them. I would keep doing what youre doing. Keep reprimanding him and explaining things to him........it will become more inappropriate as she ages.

A mom knows when things seem off...better than no one else. The good thing is, your son is showing signs of being a good caregiver and big brother.

Try seeking a play therapist to help him interact with your daughter in an age/gender appropriate manner. Get him involved with other boys his age as well, without purposely keeping him away from his sister.

You know, I think chances are very good that your son is picking up on the fact that this makes you uncomfortable and that this is prompting him to do it more. It sounds weird, but when kids don't understand the logic behind a social convention, they try to figure it all out by transgressing that social convention. Hence my kindergartner's absolutely endless supply of bathroom humor. And, hence most humor: Things that make us slightly uncomfortable also make us laugh. You might just sit down with him and explain, very straightforwardly, that certain parts our bodies are private, but with babies, we have break those rules a teeny, tiny bit to see if they need a diaper change. If you demystify it a bit, the fascination may fade away.

It sounds like he's doing things that he sees you doing, but he doesn't know what is an "acceptable" amount of bottom patting or diaper sniffing is. Just tell him that this is only something for adults to do. Four year olds are curious about private parts, poop, etc. If you don't want him patting her bottom or sniffing her diaper, then perhaps you should avoid these behaviors too. When my kids were babies, I never sniffed their diapers. If they were dirty, who would want to smell that?