My Son Has Really Bad Separation anxiety...help Please

First, take a deep breath and relax for just a second. It's going to be okay.

My son has struggled with seperation anxiety on and off, since he was about 13 mos. and I went back to work part-time. I'm a single Mom, and I depend on my parents a lot for childcare and help with my son. For a while, he wouldn't let me out of his sight and would fuss and be angry for sometime after I left him for anything!! It broke my heart, but something I learned is that my stressing about it made it worse. He could sense my own anxiety over the situation and that made it harder for him. He could tell Mommy didn't want to leave him, and that hurt. Eventually, I took him out of school and even his teachers agreed it was best...but, he never got super happy about being at school.

What I did at my Mom's suggestion is I worked on creating time that was special just for me and my son. I work full-time now and he visits his Dad every morning for four hours and then is with Grandma until I get home from work. When I get home, we go upstairs and get into 'comfy clothes' together, and either go outside and garden for about 30 minutes or read and play upstairs in his room for 30 minutes. Then, he helps me cook dinner. But, it's just us and he knows he's going to get his 'just us' time. On the weekends we have a routine on Sundays where we go get donut holes and grocery shop together, he helps me with putting stuff in the cart, etc. Every other Saturday I try to plan a big adventure for 'us', either the zoo or park or beach, something that doesn't require a lot of money but that allows us to share in some educational bonding time.

Your son is just trying to figure out where he fits in the routine. I saw my son be confused and frustrated and start doing things that were totally not in his character. Don't worry, he knows you love him and this is just his way of trying to make sure he gets his 'Mommy' time. Try to create a pattern of 'Mommy and son' time that allows him to have something to look forward to and antcipate during his day.

If he's happy in school and does well, then I would talk to his teachers before you make the move to change that. You don't want to disrupt his routine too much, as that could make the clingyness worse.

I felt so lost until I sat down and asked for help, and it's good when we finally do!!! You're working really hard to provide a future for your son and that is awesome! Just try to give yourself a break, and enjoy the right now too.

Good luck and keep doing your best!!

sounds pretty normal. My daughter had a rough transition at 3 1/2. She's very independant but still didn't get that 'mommy always comes back' Now at almost 6 she still likes lots of mommy time. When we're home she'll do her own thing but loves to know that I'm there. I bet your little one will grow out of this. For me I just reenforced that mommy is close by. I always let her know where i am in the house and let her know I am here if she needs me. We also spend alot of time together out and at home. Sounds like you have a busy schedule. Don't beat yourself up!! Best H.

Hi

I've worked in preschool 13+ years. How long is he in school each day? Children usually do better coming to school when they are older 3's, young 4-depending on the maturity. At 2 they cannot understand what is going on, where mom is & is she coming back, etc. Your son has good number of years ahead of him in school, let him be little now and enjoy your time. If his behavior and personality has changed, this is not a good sign. Sounds like he is not ready for preschool yet. There are definitely behavioral differences (for the worse) of children who are in daycare all day from young ages. I know sometimes it is a necessity for families, but if your son doesn't have to be there, take him out for now.

2 year olds developmentally do not set out to play and interact directly with other children. They participate in what is called parallel play. They play next to each other. Fighting over toys and the "mine" attitude is still prevalant. Play involving interactions starts around age 4. Being involved in playgroups, mommy and me, the park, etc. is all he needs socially now. He will learn and benefit more from you, his dad and other family.

You are obviously uncomfortable with this new arrangement and your stress isn't good either. it is no doubt hard to concentrate on your studies with this heavy burden on you. Can you defer law school until he is in kinder or 1st grade? All of you are being effected in negative ways. It's OK to say you tried and it just isn't the right time. Law schools will be there in a few years but your sons childhood won't be.

Hope this helps...