My Son Has Had It All!

L.,

The mantra I have learned about parenting is this: This will get better, right around when he does something else horrible! Each phase of difficult behavior ends, only to be replaced by something more annoying he's figured out. Each developmental challenge gets resolved, only to be replaced by learning to do something else that's challenging and frustrating and worrisome. So, yes, what you're going through now will get better, and this stage will end, but it will be replaced by something else that drives you nuts.

I don't know whether or not lead poisoning has an effect on behavior, so I can't answer that one for you. However, your son is not whiny and fresh because he hates you ar blames you for his medical issues. He's those things because he's three, and that's what they do. The healthiest three year old in the world is combative, defiant, and generally difficult. It's the nature of the beast. Some people get lucky, but most don't. This is the age where our kids learn to be independent in wants and feelings, and having some control over life is their primary objective. So they throw tantrums, hit people and pets, yell No! while they reach for the cookie in your hand, etc. That's just the deal.

Yeah, he'll not be three someday. Then he'll be four, and think he knows EVERYTHING. After that, he'll be five, and it's time for school and all the fun that comes with that. (That's not how my teacher does it...ARGH!!)

It just keeps coming. Someday he'll be 16. Wanna think horrible thoughts? There you go. Sex, keg parties and driver's licenses.

What you need is a girlfriend who's in the trenches with you. Someone who knows where you're coming from, who you can call and tell what horrible thing he said or did now, and will laugh. Then you can laugh. That's the whole key. Then she tells you what her kid did, and you laugh at hers. It makes all the difference.

The sad truth is, L., it's never going to get easy. Kids aren't easy. But they're only little once. Savor the little moments and really LIVE them, because you'll never get them back, and they're what get you through. If he doesn't fall asleep in his own bed independently, build a routine aound what he is doing, and savor that time. My son is the same way. Either he falls alseep in my lap, or I sit next to his bed and hold his hand while he drops off. I've tried everything to change it, and it's just not working. So I've built my evening around doing that. Someday he won't want to lay in my lap, and I'll NEVER get that time back. So I let him do it. Sure it's frustrating when I"m tired and and just done playing Mommy for the day. But one of these days he's going to figure out that holding Mommy's hand is for babies, and that whole part of his life will be gone. And it's going to happen long before I'm ready. So I take it when I can get it, and remind myself that this too, shall pass.

So, when your little man is sleeping, however he gets there, and all is quiet, make yourself a martini, grab a book, and sit in a hot bath. And take one minute to think of 3 things he did that day that melted your heart. It's remembering those that will keep you ready to get out of bed the next morning and do it all again.

L.,

I am sorry to hear that you are so overwhelmed by everything going on with your son. I am NOT going to sit here and tell you that it will get better (even though it probably will), but instead I am going to tell you to find a babysitter, grab some girlfriends and go out for a fun, RELAXING night. Your son may be picking up on all of your stress which could be making it harder for him to handle everything going on. Take some time for yourself. God bless you for doing it on your own. I know how hard it can be when you have a husband to lean on for support. Good luck and feel free to contact me if you want to vent.

H.

You really have been through it all. And a single mom to top it off. It must be rough. Pat yourself on the back for sticking in there and being there for your son as much as you have though. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and I'm sure all on here can agree. I can't tell you it will all be fine because there is always another stage and always another germ waiting around the corner. But you're not alone. And you're not the only one who's wanted to hide. Make sure you can get a babysitter every once in awhile and do something for yourself. It's a good sanity break.

Your son is not taking it out on your or blaming his problems on you. Children don't understand those things yet. He is getting to the point where he can so his oats so to speak and so attempts to be fresh as you say are attempts at pressing limits, making sure they are there. As for the stages...well, life is full of stages, and that is how it goes. People used to say "terrible two's" and now I laugh, because I don't think they are terrible. I think each stage is different, posing different challenges and different rewards as well. Take heart and enjoy the good with the bad. Sometimes, I know, it can be really hard to find the good, but he is still growing and developing into a wonderful person. Take heart, this too shall pass, though onto what you do not know, life is still so much an adventure. Find time to rest yourself, you'll need to keep strong, especially as a single mom. I know that too. It's so hard to do things by yourself sometimes. That's where creativity comes in. Best of luck to you. S.

I have no advice - just wanted to tell you to keep your head up. Your son needs his mommy to be his "rock". I will say a prayer for your son's health tonight.

Hello L.,
You are not negative. You are just human, a female, a mother in this case who has gone through a lot for his son and now she is tired.
Have courage.
L..