My son is going on 12 and doesnt want to go see his father this summer.i dont believe a parent should be stopped from seeing thier child but he doesnt want to go because in 2008 when he went to his dads he didnt spend any time with him would even lock him outside to baby sit his younger sister and go take a nap just leaving the kids to run the nieghbor hood for hours most of the summer.he hasnt even heard from his father since christmas and it had been months he had heard from him befor that...im stuck in the middle and dont know what to do.
I dont know what the law is in FL but in Texas at age 12 the child has the right to decide if they want to spend time with the noncustodial parent.
K.,
As a parent to a child that went through a similiar situation. Here is my advice to you. Don't force him to go, you will eventually drive a wedge between you and your son. If it is court ordered then that is something different all together. I would seek getting it changed. However, your son is at that age where he should be able to help make the decision as to where he would like to spend his time. And it sounds to me like it isn't going to be a lot of fun for him anyway. It isn't his reponsibility to be taking care of his younger siblings and his father should be making sure the kids are taken care of. Hasn't he seen the news lately. I would advise against sending him. Don't force him, it is just going to make him resentful and unhappy.
Good luck.
S.
Tell his dad just what you told us. Take a stand, dear. If his dad wants to see him, then he can get on a plane and visit. Your son really needs for you to stand behind him.
Have you talked to the dad? Maybe he wouldn't be opposed to not having him this year? You said the dad hasn't even contacted your son since Christmas, is that right? Maybe your ex is just a looser and if given the opportunity to Not Parent, he would go with it? Just a thought?
So summer 2008 was not a good one...how did 2009 go?
I am not for depriving parents of spending time with their kids...but if neither the child nor the parent are having a good time, it might be time to go back to court and get things changed...or maybe the dad will be ok with skipping this year and trying to be more involved during the year and then when summer rolls around next year things will be different?
My instinct would be to do what you can to allow the child to choose.
I can understand this. My father lived in town but once I was in middle school, I had a lot of stuff I wanted to do all summer. At my dads place was not really set up for visits from friends, being able to go anywhere during the day ect.. He was not used to all of the running around I was used to.
Maybe your son could just go for a week or 2. Let your husband know your son wants to spend TIME with is father.
Even if they just went swimming every other the day and a movie twice. Maybe a free concert in the park with the family..
Dads are not like moms who plan or are creative with activities..If your ex, does not appreciate these types of suggestions, have your son tell his dad the things he would like to do while there in that town and area.. Maybe your son could do some research about what will be going on and help his dad plot it all out..
At a certain age, depending on what state you live in, the child is allowed to decided for him/herself if they want to see their other parent. If he doesn't want to, don't force it, there is a reason. If he's a dad worth anything, he will do whatever he can to see his son, but from what you wrote, it sounds like he was just looking for a free babysitter.
Sounds like summers at my grandparents'. Don't force him to go, if he actually has any say in it. Let his father know that he can come visit him, and maybe if they get some quality time in together, it would be better than the whole summer. Also, let his father know why, maybe they could even try a weekend and see if he can step it up for a better visit?
Please do exactly what is best for your son! If he does not want to go, I'd keep him home! Your son, is no longer a baby and he is old enough in the eyes of the law, to have his input considered! So follow this guide line; and let him stay home! He should never be made to be a baby sitter all day long! He is a young man who at this age, needs to explore the world and start finding his own place in it! He is sure to be having enough on his mind, to have to worry about adult decisions! Explain to your ex that it is his choice and you stand behind your sons decision in this matter! May God bless you all..
Sincerely,
Kathy N.
