I guess my question is a little opposite than the usual. Mostly questions on here are about how to keep the neighbor kids away. My issue is how do I get my son to realize this neighbor boy is the only one around to play with. We currently live in the city and believe it or not, there are no kids around. The house across the street has grand children come over that my son (8) loves to play with, but they are not reliable to always be there. This "new" boy lives down the street a block and around the corner, so I had seen him outside every so often but a lot of those houses are apartments, so was unsure exactly where he lived. Well, the other day while my sis in law was babysitting the new boy "Bradley" (9) came riding his bike over. My sis in law invited him to come back after a family event we had going on that evening. The boy literally came to our door 3 times that night, but event went long and when it was time that my son could play we went out to look for Bradley and he was gone.
The next morning around 11am, Bradley is at our door asking to play. I let him in and my son and him tried to play but they don't seem to have a lot in common. Sure, Bradley liked our toys and was literally sitting out on our couch watching tv or talking to me more than he talked to my son. At one point I had to sternly tell my son to get off the computer, he was sitting there playing a single player game while Bradley was looking around for something to do. I suggested that maybe they play a Wii game together, and they tried but apparently Bradley does not have a Wii, so everything was new to him. We showed him how to use the controller and he tried to play, I just don’t think he is a “gamer”.
This boy has told me a LOT of personal information. He is a natural talker and is extremely polite. From what I have gathered, he lives in the apartment with his mom – whom I’ve never seen – which is odd that she is fine just having her son come over to my house for hours at a time. He told me she does not work and his mom and dad are divorced.
I am trying to teach my son that not everyone comes from the same background and that his family probably can not afford some of the toys he has been provided with and to appreciate that this little boy wants to be friends. Because soon the grand kids from across the street will only be here every so often, but Bradley will be around for days that he wants to play with someone besides mom and little brother.
Any suggestions on how I can engage the 2 to help them get along? Also, any suggestions on what I can say when my son does not want to play, so he does not ring our door bell 5 times during the day?
Thanks for all the "advice". Bradley and my son are getting along well. I have a few concerns that I will be asking in another format, but I think my son realizing having a newer kid to play with who lives around the corner can have it's benefits.
i would definitely not force it. if your son is content being on his own, why push it? if he gets lonely, maybe bradley will start looking more appealing down the road, but you can't create a bond that isn't occurring naturally.
khairete
S.
It sounds like your you now have an opportunity to teach your son to be a gracious host. Good hosts, conversationalists and good sports and players of games aren't born that way, they learn these skills with adult interaction. Obviously, you know there is more to life than computer games and watching TV.
The world could use more skilled players of Monopoly, Scrabble, Checkers. We need sidewalk chalk artists, Lincoln Logs & Legos builders. We need to feed & water the budding artists, offer markers, crayons, colored pencils, stencils, they can draw pictures of clouds, trees or a sketch of the neighbors house etc... Playing catch or tag, is one way to get them moving.
In the house, on the porch or deck you can teach them to play cards. Simple games such as Go Fish, Old Maid, Crazy 8's. After a few hand of cards, keep an ear open and lend a hand (if needed) when they're playing a new game.
You are the adult, the teacher, it's up to you to teach your son to talk & play with other children.
When you know the other boy better, consider letting them build a tent.
A card table and a sheet will make a tent inside or outside. Outside, (give them a sturdy TV tray, they can make their own snack or lunch of cheese & crackers, fruit and a drink. They can do this in the kitchen (if you can stand it!) My kids & friends were told in advance they must clean up any messes & put away "stuff" together, including bringing in the tent & toys from outside.
I am wishing you & your son a blossoming friendship.
A.
I live in a neighborhood where there are lots of children to play with however i'm a mom that doesn't like kids over that I don't know never been introduced to their parent i'm not going to their house to introduce myself and family to them i'm not the one letting my children roam the neighborhood house to house and besides that I don't want my kids to play with these kids.Sounds harsh I know but I refuse to be taken advantage of as a "sitter" for someone elses child.As far as them coming over and wanting to play I simply tell them no you have to go home.Your son is the same age I assume have you asked him why he doesn't like Bradley?I would just let Bradley know not to come over anymore if you don't then your doorbell is going to be ringing non stop till you put a stop to it.
It doesn't sound so much that he doesn't like him as that the other boy isn't a "gamer". As Ann D. said, there are so many more things to do in the world than play video games! She gave you a lot of good suggestions, too. I would just like to add that I would introduce the neighbor boy to the grandchildren - sometimes all it takes is for another child to show interest. What does your son do with the grandchildren? Hopefully they don't all sit around and play video games! I hope you can find some common ground, both for your son's sake and for the neighbor boy's sake. It does sound like he is lonely.
We recently moved into a new neighborhood. There is one neighbor boy who is about the same age as my son. He came over to play at the beginning, but unfortunately my son didn't care much for him. I didn't want to force him to play with someone who he doesn't like. The boy came over and asked for my son to come out and my son always said that he didn't feel like it. It didn't take long and the other boy wouldn't come around anymore. I was really surprised that my son didn't want to play with this boy since he usually is extremely social. He can go to a playground not knowing anyone and have 10 friends after playtime is over.
I was a bit disappointed that this relationship didn't work out, but I just didn't feel like forcing him to play with that boy if he didn't want to.
I think, however, that it is important that he has relationships with other children. I go to the park with him and his brother so that they can play with whoever is around, we play after school at the school playground and I set up playdates at my house with kids from school.
I wouldn't force it but I would make sure that your son is the one who goes to the door every time to tell the boy that he doesn't want to play - don't do it for him. I'm pretty sure that the other boy will stop coming around if he gets refused all the time.
My son loves the Wii but he hates to play with "newbies"! lol Try a different Wii game--O. where they take turns like Wii Sports, etc.
When a play date is getting stale, I'll often take them out to the park or out for a special lunch where there is a play area--thus kind of forcing them to concentrate on the same activity/resources.
As for how to say "no" when he rings the bell--no clue--haven't had much issue with that situation......
How very interesting that your problem is mine, but switched. My son wants so badly to play with a boy down the street but every time we (his mother and I) get them together, all the other boy wants is to play with his Nintendo DS or some other 'gaming' stuff. My son isn't familiar with the DS and I have been at a loss as to what I should do. I don't really want my son to be a 'gamer' (he's only 6.5). What is interesting to note, is that this other boy is an only child, and my son is the oldest of 3 boys. (My other two are 4 and 2) I wonder if this has an affect on how kids play together and also if families with 'only children' are socialized in a bit of a different way. I'm just pondering out loud :) Well, maybe it's just a matter of finding that 'one thing' that they have in common. But after a while, if my boy and the other one don't find something in common, I'm not gonna push it. Maybe they are just too different.
Best of luck to you!
Jen M.
