My Seven Year Old Daughter Tried Running Away.

Hi N.,
Sorry to hear of your situation. I was a single parent for a while and my daughter tried to run away while in the 6th grade. I caught her outside on the porch with her shoes and jacket on...thinking about it. She told me that is what she wanted so I told her I would help her. I explained I loved her very much and I would be really hurt, but if she didn't want to live with me any longer I would help. I told her she could only take her jacket because her arms would be too tired to carry anything else. She could use it at night as a cover or a pillow because there are no pillows in the desert. I told her the shoes are what I bought her, but I would be nice enough to let her take them so she doesn't get cut on the glass in the streets. I told her I never ran away, so I was not sure what homeless people eat, maybe someone would leave some food behind that she would find. I told her I would get her started and drove her to the dark school down the street. I told her I wasn't sure how many other homeless people would be there, but I was sure she would meet someone. At the school I told her to go ahead and get out. She cried and changed her mind and promised she would never do it again...and she didn't (now 24).

I think it is somewhat normal for kids to get upset and think they are going to run away because their parents are mean and unfair. I don't think kids realize how good they have it until later in life.

My daughter was also caught stealing make up from Target a couple of years later. She could have purchased make up if she just asked for the money, but chose to steal it. We made her return the make up to the store and they just explained that is really all they wanted was their money back, but they did show her her pics on the servailance cameras.

Is there possibly a network of adoptive parents who can share some of their issues and results? I think you may have a more sensitive issue with an adopted child because she may feel a little more unwanted more easily.

Best of luck to you.
C.

I haven't had this issue yet since both my children are under two but something that might help is for her understand what can happen if she does run away. If it does continue you could always arrange a visit to juvenile hall and get her to understand that if she does it that is where she will go when she gets caught. I would also talk with her therapist maybe they can help find out what else is going on. She might not have been running away because she was punished but helping her friend to go see his mommy. Maybe you could also compromise. No makeup at school but she can wear it when she comes home. That is what my sister in law did with my nieces. They had a light pink shadow and translucent powder they could wear when they got home. Hope this helps.

Oh Man! I really feel for you. My brother was like that growing up. In fact he and a friend stole the friends mother's car @ 10 or 11 yrs old and drove all the way to Ohio to see family and drove all the way back without getting caught. Needless to say the friend- now in mid 20s- still doesn't have his liscense. I don't know what meds your daughter is on but maybe those aren't the right ones for her. Maybe you can try something else or maybe even a natural solution. You might also want to take a look at www.saferforyourhome.com and check out what these chemicals can do to your family (ADHD). She may be chemically sensitive. The only way to confirm this is to purge your home of the chemicals and see what difference that makes.

After you check out the website, email me and I will do my best to answer your questions.

How is the brother? Are they close? and one more.....How old was he when the "bad situation"took place? Okay so now, if he was old enough to remember is it possible that he has told her things that might make her feel out of place or alone? Have you ever talked with her about her birth parents? Let her know that you're sure that they loved her, but sometimes people get into situations that are just too overwhelming and life just gets mixed up. Let her know that things like running away can lead to this kind of bad situation, and that if she feels the urge to do something compulsive such as this, she needs to find someone she really trusts to get those feelings out. It may not be you, or your husband, but the important thing is to find the right person and talk about it. Sometimes when we talk things through we see that they probably aren't the best choice to make. Also, I am wondering if the two meds contradict eachother at all. I would check to see if the bi polar med would work better alone, or maybe a different bi polar med. Sometimes for ADHD, just like for dislexia, there are programs you can attend about managing time and staying on task. This would give her little tricks to overcome the battle. I would just worry about all of these meds together doing any harm to her ability to overcome the diseases, and also the impact they may have on her physical health. Good Luck to your daughter as well as you and your family!!