My Poor Little Girl

Dear W.,
You are not the worst mother of all time, you just feel your child's heart, as a good mother does. And you want to fix it !
Our fast paced American society sometimes tries to push us and our children into a life that is too fast paced and self serving. It seems to me that a 3yr old is too young to push away her parents, though this is a naturally independent move on her part at this age. What is missing today is a strong bond of family in society, and the sense of living for and serving others. Sometimes we have to pull ourselves and our children back into the family, the first school of love. From my own experience raising a strong first born daughter you have to project the positive. Our children learn a lot from their parents by observation. I always tried to change my (poor me, my poor child mindset ) and/or keep my emotions to myself about the situations you mention, just involve her in more positive situations. Do you have a faith based organization you go to once a week ? Is there a preschool nearby where she could go for a few hours ? Do you have a pet ? A puppy might be a good place to start with responsibility to something other than herself, like making sure the puppy has fresh water daily.Of course it will be up to you to take care of the pet and share the responsibility a little at a time.
Your daughter may have already a high standard of a friendship relationship which others may fail to come up to, but just tell her to be the friend she wants to have for someone else. Talk with her about her experiences and how it makes her feel and guide her to see how to be a happy person others will naturally want to be around. Not a give to get, but just a "happy, secure in the love of my parents" kid.

Once again, children learn the mindset of their parents when the parents are unaware, so it would behoove us as parents(not just mothers but dads,too) to make a good picture of health and happiness that they are seeing. Children are for growing and stretching our hearts, our education, too. Hope these thoughts help, from my experience. My daughter just graduated from university and is married so I am looking forward my grandmother and good inlaw stage. Wish me luck !

have you tried involving her in a mother's day out program? How a bout something along the lines of "Brownies/girlscouts" ? also it is important for her to learn to play by herself as well! not all the time mind you, but to have a good imagination and creativity, it is important to be able to entertain herself. I had an only child, and I grew up as an only child. Both my son and myself actually enjoyed playing by ourselves when each of us were little! Or maybe it is time for a sibling? ok just a thought! HA! good luck!

It's hard. My daughter goes through the same thing. I don't ever show her that I pity her as it seems to add to her misery. I tell her that I understand and that it is hard. We at times talk about maybe how she said something, or what she did that might have been misunderstood. I also let her see things from the other point of view. Mostly, I tell her that most of what other little kids do isn't at all personal. But, I don't dwell on it and teach her how to move on and be happy anyway. The quicker I get off the subject and show her how to move on to another activity without needing someone else to be happy, the quicker she gets over it. It will always hurt, everytime she thinks about it, she gets sad. So, I have to redirect her thoughts and attention to something else. She soon gets happy again and has fun without the other person. Playing by yourself is sometimes/many times better than playing with certain kids. It's a hard fact, but part of life. My daughter is learning to adjust well and I've seen her "redirect" herself without my leading. I think she's getting it.

My daughter is 7 and she is ver social, but she also has a problem meeting other little girls. She loves playing with the older girls, but because she has a little sister anytime she sees another little girl younger then her, she can't help but want to play with her also. Even help them learn new things. Unfortunelty little girls can be mean. Se tells me all the time that other girls tell her they don't want to be her friend, or that they already have friends. I have found that putting her in a group activity helps she is in Ballet she used to go once a week, but have a break because of summer.