WOW! E. you are very strong and very brave. Although you may not feel like it right now, I can hear it in your writing. Keep reaching out to people and especially Christ. It's awesome to hear about your faith at 16 and I only hope that my children have a double portion at your age (as Elisha requested from Elijah :) I want you to hang in there and know that you know that you know, things are going to get better for you and your family. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and it hurts me to think of what you and your family are going through.
There is this marriage conference that can help restore marriages. Maybe if you can get your parents to attend. The tour for the bay area is done, but there are two coming in Nov. to Monterey. They even have sponsorship for those having financial hardships. the website is www.familylife.com and click on attend a conference.
E., if you leave to stay with your sister, you will only be running away from your problems and that's not what God wants us to do when we endure these trials, you have to get ready to face this battle and you WILL come out in victory. You may feel guilty leaving your brother behind. I know you don't want to take the role of a parent to your brother, but he is going to need you, especially when he begins to rebel because of all he is going through. Teach him how to strengthen his faith so his rebellion is not too bad. you need to get out of the home and do some volunteer stuff around the community. Call your church or anything to where you can volunteer and let them know your situation and anyone will be willing to help you out as you are helping them. If you need an ideas or help with this, I can help you find something, but I think it would be good for you.
Don't give up on God, continue to trust Him. I know what it feels like to be angry and want to give up on Him, and that's ok. We sometimes get angry with our earthly father right? So sometimes we also get angry at our heavenly Father because we have that "tight" relationship with Him. Just remember though that as much as we try to get away from Him and get angry, He is always there, arms open wide waiting for us to call for Him. As you yearn for His arms around you, they are. It's just really hard for you to feel his presence around you because your mind is on other things. Try to focus on Him only and how good He is.
You know Satan is out to destory families, but as long as you keep your faith, he has not won. You have the victory in Christ who conqured the grave.
One more thing, keep your focus on your goal and go to college. I go to college with three kids and it's hard. I sometimes want to give up because I can't get through math which is my weakness, but I find that when i keep my eye on my goals and vision myself in that position that I want to be in, it keeps me going. I think your goals are awesome. My husband just graduated from SJSU with his BS in Psychology. He went full time with a full time job. It took long, but he did it and eventually he will go back for his masters. We have gone through are college years fully on financial aid, which is a blessing. So don't let financial burdens keep you from going. If you have to go part-time, then do so.
If you want to talk more, you can email me at ____@____.com
Happy Birthday to you sweetie and God bless you and keep you. I will keep you close in my prayers.
