My Parents Are Getting Divorced

Updated on February 06, 2008
E.L. asks from Marblehead, MA
6 answers

I have a 5 year old daughter. My parents just told be they are getting divorced. I am wondering how my daughter will feel about this and how I should present it to her. Any suggestions or maybe books? It seems like everything I find is for children who's parents are divorcing not grand parents.

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T.L.

answers from Boston on

Divorce is hard for anyone! I was about 14 when my parents got divorced and my son was between 1 and 2 years old when I divorced his father. I think that my son handled my divorce better than I handled my parent's divorce.

Regardless of age or who is getting divorced, the truth is the best way. You, of course, must speak in a language that your children will understand. You explain that everyone loves each other but that sometimes even when you love each other you can not live together. I found that it was important to explain to my son that it was not his fault and that it was nothing to do with him.

I hope that this is helpful and if you need anything, please do not hesitate to contact me.

God Bless and Good Luck!

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K.T.

answers from Boston on

We had a family member recently get divorced. How I explained to my oldest was just that so and so arent living together anymore, they decided to be just friends and live in separate houses. This family member wasnt extremely close to us so he was just fine with my explanation. I dont know if your child is extremely close with your grandparents or not, or how your child reacts to things in general. I'd think the most important thing would be to remind her that her grandparents still love her and she will still see them, that it wont change her relationship with them. Best of Luck to you.

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J.F.

answers from Boston on

there is no way to really tell them im goin to be 24 in march and my parents (my dad behind my moms back ) got on one and on feb. her has already gotten remarried and its only been since 10-3-07 that he did it in the state of TX. and they have No ruled its hard bc my mom gets really upset about the whole thing and my Daughter is goin to be 5 in june .. and i still dont no how to tell her that papa really isnt commin home and then when were with Grandma that we cant talk about papa bc it gets grandma upset....i think that if she sees them once in a while but she sees them and there not together it might be ezer .. my dad just up and left on 12-26-06 and my neice hasnt seen him since then and she has a Friend that hurts her (imaragry one) and we think that its from ppl leavin her ...If u find a ezer way of tryin to tell a 4 1/2 -5year old that there not together PLEASE tell me ... GOOD LUCK with UR daughter..

____@____.com

GOOD LUCK
J. Marie

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G.L.

answers from Burlington on

You could make a book yourself with pictures and explain it to them through this book which can be expanded on as things progress and change. It can be very simple and helpful. Your daughter may even want to put some pages in of her own describing how she feels and it would be great for her to "see" how you feel too.

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

I feel so sorry for you. This is just as hard on adult children as it is on little ones. How are you taking the news? Remember, your daughter will take cues from you on how to handle this. The one that said to keep it simple and to tell her that they love her and that they just decided to live separately is the best thing to do at this point.

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K.R.

answers from Bangor on

Im so sorry to about your parents divorce. I know somewhat what you are going through E.. My husbands parents divorced last March after almost 40 years of marriage! My father in law is already getting re-married this April! We are all not going to the wedding, a big reason is that it is in Nebraska, but I also dont think the kids are ready to see that. My husband is going is all. I also have a 5 year old and a two year old and are a stay at home mom. When we finally explained it to our five year old son we just explained that Grandma and Grandpa live seperatly now and that Grandpa has a lady friend. We didnt say the word divorce. We didnt make a big deal about it so he didnt either. Now, my son is super easy going and I think that helps. My sister in law also has a five year old, but a girl and she is taking it much harder. The first visit Grandpa makes out here with his new wife will be very tough. I am not looking forward to that. I guess my advice would be to not even explain it to your 2 year old. Much too young to understand anyway. Do you live close to your parents and see them often? What helped us I think is that Grandma and Grandpa live far away so it wasnt uncommon to have one or the other come for a visit. As is the case with my sister in law, they lived close to g/g and did things with them often, which makes it harder. Visiting them has been a different story. Lots of wheres Grandpa/Grandma? We would just casually say "Grandpa is at his house". Im sure we wont be able to get away with that for long, but for now it works. I have a girlfriend whose parents divorced when she was young, but now her kids have lots of questions. What she does is sends the kids to her parents with the questions. That might be an option once your kids are older. Let them explain themselves. But, what worries me about that is that there is no "filter".

I will pray for you and your family. Good luck with what you decide. Please post how things are going. K.

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