My Mother -In-law Is Driving Me Nuts!

Girlie, welcome to the joys of mother-in-laws. You need to talk to her and tell her that she is overstepping her boundaries. If you don't it will only get worse.

HI B.,
Sounds like she is a bit overpowering!! I'm sure she has the best of intentions when she does these things.
You're probably right, someones feelings probably will get hurt but you cannot continue to let het over-step like she is or it will only cause more resentment on your side. If your husband doesn't want to talk to her, you should. I hate hurting peoples feelings too but, I have learned sometimes it's better to say what you need to say than let it continue to build up. Just have an attitude of "love" & "truth" when you approach her. Maybe tell her suggestions are fine but you really have a plan that you're working out & between you & your husband, you are making it work. Good Luck....
M.

I am in the same boat -
1st why does your MIL have access to your house?
Mine used to babysit DD while I was working, so she knew where the spare key was - used to invite herself over so to speak. Even if we were at home sleeping she would let herself in. Best advice - get the key back.
Your MIL seems alot like mine, she used to think she had to be involved in everything with my life - from how I cleaned house or lack thereof to how I dressed my DD - which was never appropriate enough.
Sometimes it takes putting your foot down to get the respect. I had to do that.
But I have a very manipulative MIL, she would give hubby the woe is me when I did something she didn't like. But now she has realized that doesn't work anymore because he has realized he has to live with me not her.
Sometimes it does take hurt feelings for the point to get across. Although you may not be the type that does that, sometimes you have to think about yourself and your own sanity.
My MIL even went to the extent of involving my mom to try and get her way - which my mom is like me and knows how MIL is.
Just stand your ground and eliminate her necessity to know everything that goes on in YOUR house. Get your key back or move the spare. Hurt her feelings if you have to, things that go on at your house is none of her business.
Talk with your hubby though, so that he knows whats going on so she can't play you against each other when you do "hurt her feelings". You are in a hard predicament I have been there and it took the standing up and hurt feelings to get the point across.
Good luck to you on this.

B.,

My MIL was the same way.. and what's worse.. i have 2 of them!! YIKES!! anyway, same thing with hubby's mother as you describe. If he is afraid to stand up to her for you. You stand up for yourself. I had to do this about 5 yrs ago, been married 6 yrs but together for 11. Be polite about it, but tell her point blank that you are in charge of your own life and that husband and yourself know what you are doing. Explain to her that you both have to make your own mistakes in life and no one can tell you how to do it. It will hurt her feelings, but it will make her respect you for standing up to her for what you believe in. She should not stay hurt for long, and you can tell her i'm sorry i hurt your feelings, but i feel like you are overstepping the boundaries in our lives.

It worked great with my MIL and I. She asks me questions about the same things but she doesn't pry when I tell her that everything is fine and under control. And since I control the budget and everything, since my hubby is military, he can't give her the information she needs except tell her that i am very capable at doing what i do.

Good Luck sweetie. (((hugs)))

I have that problem.It was worse because I was living in her house with my fiancee and our daughter.She always stuck her nose in everything and would bust in our room to ask us stupid questions.When I had the baby she insisted that I bottle feed and get my 5 day old baby on a schedule.If she didnt like something I did or some decision me and my fiancee made together she would stomp around saying over and over that she didnt like what we were doing.Well I had to move back in with my mom and she hasnt changed.I would try talking to her and setting up some boundaries.Explain to her in a nice way that you will ask her if you need her help with anyhthing.I dont know if that will work but I would try it.I hope zi hel[ed a little.:0)

wow, you and I are in the same boat believe it or not I thought that I was the only one experiencing inlaw problems but as a christian myself I too have to share this with you.
(Psalm 133:1) How good it is when brothers and sisters live together in unity!-if one is down the other can lift up.
I want to start by saying you have to let your mother in law know how you feel first. You are the mother and the Lady of your own house you take control and set the tone in your home.
Then, ask tell GOD what is happening and release all burdens, hurts and requests to the LORD. VIP, pray for your husband always to keep the enemy away from your family. Make sure your house is a peaceful sanctuary for your kids and husband to dwell in. Ask the LORD to show you how to make your home a save haven that builds up your family~Stormie Omartion
I too am a mother of three, school full time to continue my BSN so OH sister I know what you are going through. But you can't let that mother in law intefere with what GOD has blessed you with. Give it to the LORD in prayer with a new heart. Ask GOD to renew your heart each morning before you begin your day. Cover your family with the blood of Jesus. I know its hard, who says it will be easy?
You will come out on top. Remember this is YOUR husband who isn't your mother in-law little boy anymore. Be willing to lose the arguments and disagreements in order to WIN the battle.~Stormie Omartion
Sincerely,
1strongmom

The best thing that you and your husband can do is to let her know in a calm and loving tone that she is overstpping her boundaries. She might get a little upset at first. But you have to think of your family.
Good Luck,
J.

You need to say something NOW!!! I am 25 years old and I too am a Christian. I could see the bundle of problems that were going to come along with my husband and his parents. So when we went to our counseling sessions I told my husband these exact words.... "I am marrying you, not your mom, dad or anyone else. I can and will only take direction from my husband on what is best for our family. That means no outsiders. I don't want our personal decisions discussed with my parents or your parents or anyone else's parents. As your wife I expect you to defend my honor against everything and everyone. KEEP YOUR FAMILY IN CHECK AND I WILL KEEP MINE IN CHECK!" I told him those exact words and wouldn't you know he and I still had a major blowup about his mom. There were things being said and done that were subtle hints to me about certain things. I would come and speak to my husband on these things and if it were something that was really irritating to me... all he would say in the beginning was, I know baby, you're right baby, do you want me to say something to them. I would say... If I am all of these things and someone if being unfair and picking with your wife, why would I have to ask you to say anything? So, we went through that phase for a while. Until one day I just found myself SO ANGRY and my husband knew it. I had always told my husband.. I will never disrespect your parents. I would never respond to any negativity that was being dished out to me from his mom. Trust me when I say this is very hard to do, but it works. I was angry one day and just decided to turn flip the situation. So, now when something is being said or done... I do one of two things.. I either openly agree with her.. "yeah mom, you're right." " Oh, Okay, I can see that." Or when she's aggravating my nerves and being overly opinionated on things that aren't her concern, I do my now all time favorite which is to openly DISAGREE with her. "I don't know about all of that" or "umm... I don't like that" or "that's ugly". You'd be surprised how that works. Sweetie, my MIL was so good she had ME giving in to the act. HAHA! Now, I couldn't possibly give any less care to what she says or does now. If I did it would probably be a sin. Her newest quest is to talk about how SAHM's don't really do anything and ETC..hahaha.. get this I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM!! hahaha. She started that one about a month or two ago, because anytime she says anything about if she were a SAHM she would cook everyday or something to that nature. I do cook everyday, but she's referring to her husband asking her to cook. Or she'll say I wish I could sit around all day and do nothing. Then I'll say... I WISH I COULD TOO!!! Then she'll sit around looking crazy.. just itching to say something, but she doesn't want to be perceived as the bad person. So, inside I am laughing, but on the outside... I am... well, on the outside I'm laughing to because I know that the tables have turned yet again. In the midst of it all, I love and treat my mother MIL like she's my own. She really is a good person, but it's just something in them that makes them act like a DONKEY sometimes. I still have never disrespected his mother and I still never will. I never allow a person't actions to change my actions or make me step outside of who I am. The way to deal with your MIL is to OPENLY disagree with her and not keep silent. It WILL NOT help you. It WILL harm you. You will be stressed out and aggravated and soon you will grow to despise her and all communication lines will be long gone. Don't think that it is better not to say anything because it is not. Always be open about how you really feel, that will keep you from being disrespectful or snapping on her. And when you are finished giving your thoughts... let that be that. BOTTOM LINE.
Well, I could keep going on and on, but duty calls... (my son needs me to get him another cup of peaches. I hope this helps.

C.

If my husband had a brother, I'd swear we had the same mother-in-law. There's only one way out of this situation and it's for you to tell her that her demanding ways are not acceptable to you or your husband and he needs to cut those apron strings and stand up for you. He really needs to understand that the mother he has is an accident of birth and he had no choice in it, but he chose his wife and needs to stand up for you.
It was hard to stand up to her but I did and she started backing off about it. My MIL was getting to the point that she was asking me personal finanical questions about my friends and family! My husband generally stands up for me when the stuff hits the fan though. It got to the point where I hated her and I think she finally realized that she was damageing the relationship she had at her only child and his family.
Have you figured out why she's doing this yet? The only reason I could think for mine was that it was her way of making sure we were taking care of ourselves. Even when we can't stand the way people act, sometimes we have to look in their heart to see where they're coming from so we can deal with thier behavior better and put a stop to it.
You said you love your mother-in-law so there has to be redeeming qualities in her. I couldn't stand my MIL until I put a stop to her meddling ways.
You can also use Miss Manners old standby for intrusive questions.. reply with, "Why do you want to know?". It's actually very effective.
Have a talk with her, let her know you love her but will no longer put up with her invasive questions and demands.
Best of luck to you and the kids.

Well B. good luck. I have been married now going on 13 years and my mother in law still gets into everthing we do. my husband in his mother have like a best friend relationship he tells her evething and then she calls me and fuss at me about stuff. HE can do no wrong in her eyes. She calls 10 to 20 times some days and knowing he is at work. Just to see if he is home yet because she misses him. I love her to death and always do stuff far her. I have tried to talk to her about us needing to deal with some of "our" problems on our own because one day we can't depend on others all the time and all i get is "If my BABY needs me i am here". Telling her he is a grown man doesnt help. She has to other childern and he isnt the baby of the bunch he is the middle child . Dont get me wrong i dont mind him going over and helping her with stuff i just wont he out of our personal business. So good luck B. my be ur mother in law wont be as hard headed as mine lol

as all others have said you must talk with her and request the key back if she refuses change the locks. also your husband needs to talk to her. good luck.

I would take her to lunch and explain to her that while you value her opinion, you and your hubby must make all final decisions. If she can't respect that, you are sorry, but that is the way it is going to be. Hubby has to be behind you on this. Tell her you are sorry if her feelings are hurt, that is not your intention. How does she get into your house when you are not home?

Prayer always works for me, too. Good luck!

She does sound pushy.And I feel your husband should be strong enough to stand up for his beliefs and speak his mind. However it should be done with respect, even if she isn't showing you any.Since he is afraid to, this falls to you.Politly tell her you respect her opinions , so if you ever do need advice you will ask her, but that since everything is going along fine ,you think you have made wise choices.Be sure keys to your house are not available!

Unfortunately, your husband will never learn to stand up for you. My hubby and I have been married for almost 5 yrs and I still have the same problem. My advice is to tell her like it is. You have to stand up to her to make her realize that she will not be making decisions for your family. If you don't, she will continue to push you around. My mother-in-law has backed off a lot since I gave her my little speech. It doesn't have to be mean, just firm. Good luck and God Bless.

Hannah

B.,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you brought up several issues. It sounds like your mother in law really needs to feel needed and important. Give it to her.

I have some stock responses for busybodies:

"I'll have to remember that!" (said enthusiastically with a smile and nod)

"I can see you feel strongly about that!"

"I'll think about that one!"

That way I'm not conceding to them, but helping them to FEEL important and like they've said something of real value.

FWIW I'm a LLLL of 14 years. Their leader training was helpful in this department. It sounds like we have a lot in common.

Re finances -- there is no shame in telling her that's none of anyone's beeswax (with a smile on your face). Of course, there is the possibility that she's learned some things the hard way and paid some stupid tax and is trying to help you avoid her mistakes by introducing you to Dave Ramsey. (If so you'd be well advised to listen to her.)

Re coming into your house when y'all aren't there -- Change your locks! They are "getting old."

Seriously, I have a mother in law who is two tacos short a combo platter and I learned a long time ago that smiling and nodding goes a LONG way.

I haven't personally been in your position, but I agree with everything the previous poster said!

J.

I feel for you B.. That would drive me nuts. My in laws are very respectful of my life and if they weren't I would let them know. I think it is up to your husband to say something to her. If it is hard for him to do it alone perhaps both of you could sit down with her. This contiuning might put a strain on your marriage. Best of luck!

I love my mother in law as well. but once I had my son she stated stepping over the line too. What you need to do is stand up for yourself and stop watching on someone else to do it for you.
I know this can be a very hard thing to do, but you need to remind her that she raised a good man and should give him a chance to show her what you two can do by yourselfs.
The door key needs to get took away from her!!

Also tell her that you want her around and love the advice she gives when you ask for it.
You have to set limits with her.

I have a granny who is wanting to push herself right in my door and make demands, but I had to tell her I love her and would love her more if she didn't come over everyday.
She also wanted a door key and instead of hurting her feelings I just acted like she never said any thing. She caught on.

I wish you luck. ~T.