My Mother

While reading your post all I could think of was that it sounds like your mom might her own personal stuggles.
By the fact that your kids are crazy about her means that when she is able to be with them she connects with them, which is awesome.
I understand your concerns very well, it could me my story.
I used to expect way to much from my mom......I mean come on you are my mom you are suppose to rule the world ,take care of me, be strong, never faulter, be perfect, have all the right answers, be there for me always. The reality was
she never was ever. I expected way to much from her.
She was human but I didn't allow her to be. I only expected perfection from her. Your kids are smart they get it already. They love grandma just the way she is even if it is only a few times a year......the hardest part is perhaps for you to except her just as she is.
Don't explain anything to your kids. They love her already, if you start judging her to them, they will start seeing her differently. You have to power to keep her a positive person to them. I know I find it hard to seperate
my hurt feeling because of my mom and not manifest it on to my son. Just feel blessed that she is there sometimes and that your kids love her. That is way better then nothing at all.
warm wishes,
M.

S., Did your mother raise you? Have you ever been close?

Why do the kids call her Grandma Lori and not just Grandma?

I know there are a lot of questions there, but being called Grandma Lori seems a bit impersonal and one I would be offended by (if it were me). The first and second question come, because if she was never able to bond and develop a relationship with you (being close) she may not know how to with your children. She may feel like the 3rd wheel.

I lost my mother when my children were young, but my MIL has NEVER in my childrens life sent them a B-day card or called on their birthday.

If you were ever close, I would talk to her and ask her flat out, what am I suppose to tell my children? Let her ponder it. Or even go to her and say, I need your opinion or advise .. then let her know it hurts the kids feelings.
I wouldn't put the kids in the middle .. I would handle it between you and her and see if there is something that can be done .. I know of PLENTY of divorced parents that put their feelings aside for the Grand kids for ONE DAY ...

Best of luck ..

Hi S.,

When I read your post, what came to my mind is to speak from your heart.

Don't focus on the birthday aspect, but do convey you would like to see her more because you and your kids miss her.

And be pro-active on your end, by not giving up on her.

Good luck to you, I know it must hurt at times.
As the labor and delivery nurse said to me as I delivered my third child (Thank you Ann, at Crittendon in Rochester), "Push through the pain!" =)

Your Friend,
R.

Hello S.,

Could your mom be a bit depressed? how is the weather? does it affect how she feels? does changes in barometric pressure make her feel exhausted and achy? that is something to keep in consideration. In terms of her not calling on his birthday, I would make it a point of you calling her on your children's birthday and casually mention ...it's so and so's birthday let me put him/her on for you. Even if she's coming over...at least that won't be an issue. I have another question, do you talk to your mom often? and about the question why Grandma Lori didn't come to the birthday party... she was not feeling well. Well, I hope your mom is feeling better and that you can feel better about her not being at the party. By the way, congrats and are you ready for your new baby?! God Bless! ~Carmen~

I agree with the last response. You really can't demand the type of relationship a person has with you or anyone else. My dad was a pain, but my kids thought he was the greatest! They loved him w/o judgment and I was amazed. He moved from NJ in 2003 and was constantly complaining about MI and talked of there being nothing here for him. I'd be crushed. When I finally did tell him that it hurt, I was hurtful and I regret that all the time. He was a depressed person. I don't know your mom's story, but I would suggest you accept the relationship your kids have with her, and don't take it personally. You'll still feel how you do, but have the feelings and don't let them have you. Nothing wrong with telling her "We'd love to see you more" and invite her every time regardless of whether she'll come. My dad was uncomfortable driving at night so sometimes my husband would pick him up and take him home. I had to ask him if that was why he didn't want Sunday dinner in the winter. So, my dad is gone now. His being a disappointment to me is entirely mine, and he was just who he was. Best I can do is learn from him.