I am a 14 year old female and something has struck me this week that surprised me. Heres the background srory:
My mom is usually really strict, not letting me go to freinds house because she doesnt know the parents, no mall with freinds and me, and so on. I totally understood that she wanted to keep me safe. But this week has been weird. I have a small group of friends, only 5 girls, and no boys. Let me tell you about them a little:
April- cusses a lot, parents let her do whatever. Good grades
Trisha- cusses only a little. Never gets in trouble. Good grades. Parents let her do whatever.
Isabelle- cusses like april. Gets in trouble a little. Allowed to do whatever. Ok grades.
Liliana-cusses mildly, but not like april. Parents discipline her from time to time. Bad grades
Me-never cuss, dont get in trouble, restrictions on everything. Good grades
So basically I am the good child of the group. We all click together as freinds. My mom knows april and isabelle, and knows how much they cuss and she knows what kind of kids they are.
Well yesterday, thinking my mom will say no, I ask her if I could go to a coffee shop with these 4 freinds until 4 30 today. And she says, "sure hun, have fun, call me when you get there, k?" Now at this point, I am beyond surprised. My mom just said yes to me for going to walk from school to a coffee shop 3 blocks away with my friends! This may sound wekrd but this is a huge thing for me! I just got home an hour ago from the shop, and now I am wondering, why is she being all nice, sweet, and giving me so much freedom? Of course I am happy, but she is being all nice to me now, like she trusts me so much more! Please answer, I am so happy and confused!!!!
She's giving you some freedom and testing you to see how responsible you really are. If you screw this up, it will be back to No. Make sure you follow the rules!
I suspect she may have talked to some other moms and either heard what a great girl you are or that they thought she should loosen up. Believe it or not, we listen to our friends, too!
Don't let her down. That means saying no to your friends sometimes!
She's realizing that you're off to college in a few short years and she has to start letting you out into the world without her hovering. It's practice and a test. Show her that you're responsible. Show her that you're trustworthy. Call her when she asks, be home on time. Don't get sneaky, even if your friends try to. Continue to be a "good child". Tell her you appreciate her giving you some slack. And keep the lines of communication open. She wants what's best for you, you want what's best for you. Help her give you every opportunity to grow into a confident, responsible adult. And have fun!
So, the obvious answer is:
Why don't you.... simply go to your Mom, and ask her about why?
Or, sit down and have a nice grown up conversation with her about it?
Instead of wondering about it yourself and guessing what the answer is.
I am assuming from you stated age that you will be a freshman next year correct? At some point us moms just have to trust that we have instilled the values in our children and trust them to make the judgement. So she is letting go a little to see how you act. My advice, act as if she was there and conduct yourself in a way that would make her proud, and she will continue to give you the freedom you want.
I don't know, but I would say to you - show her that you can be responsible with the freedom that she's giving you now, and it's more likely that she'll trust you with more freedom in the future. Go where you say you are going to, call when you say you will, and get home on time - show her that you can handle freedom without getting into trouble!
Hey K. - That's wonderful! It's possible that because of your "women's issues" that you've been discussing with us, she is starting to see you as a "young woman" rather than as just a child. This is very good. Now, it gets harder for you because you need to reinforce her trust with continuing to be the responsible young woman you are. Enjoy the freedom she give you, but don't push it to the edge. Start to think of yourself as a young woman. Keep reinforcing your mom's trust in you with trustworthy behavior. Keep the lines of communication open. You are a very mature and caring young woman - I can tell from your posts that you care about what your mother wants for you, and that you also want to make the best decisions for yourself. Since you are young, her input is still very important for your development, but being aware of what you need - really need and not just "kid stuff" - is a good sign. Think of your mom as a partner in helping you to become the best young woman you can be. :)
Sounds like she trusts you and trusts your judgement.
As parents, we need to give our kids roots and wings.
She's moving to the wings part. ;)
Tell your mom you appreciate her trust in you.
And tell her you had fun.
And tell her thanks.
