My Marriage Is Being Compromised by a Video Game!

I divorced my ex because of his addiction to the playstation as well as chat rooms and porno. You need to get this under control asap. My ex was either working, on the computer or playstation, period. No interaction with me, the kids, nor did he do ANYTHING to help with the house and I worked full time outside the home. You need to sit him down like a little kid and tell him it's out of control and needs limits. And TELL him what you want. If he can't do it, then you know what is more important to him. I had a friend who was very blunt with her husband and he shaped right up and even got rid of the whole game system....me....I wasn't as lucky and am divorced from him. I'm now happilily married to a man that has NEVER had and has NO desire to own a game station and we don't even have a computer at home (his choice). He is attentive to me and the kids and does everything in the house and outside as well. So be blunt with him and see where he stands. But be very aware of where it may lead...it may not be where you want it to. Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!

This worked for me, hopefully it'll work for you too.
The moment he left for work, I took his game (call of duty (all of them jajaja)) Of course he came home and went ballistic, that I took it, I just let him rant for a while and told him just calm down, listen to me for a sec and you'll have it back. (you might agree that my approach was a little hostile, but nothing else seemed to work at the time, I tried talking, yelling, putting myself in front of the TV, and no response...)So when he finally listened I told him that our kid and I needed, wanted, and deserved time, and that we all helped around the house, and things, but most of all that we really wanted to be with him, he understood and got a schedule, he now plays every night from 9 (after putting the kid to bed) to 11, and on sundays he plays before or after our family outing. I think it has worked quite well for us.
I dont know your relationship and maybe your approach will have to be different, but my point is dont be afraid to tell him exactly what you want and if you cant find the right time to do it, you make the right time.

Best of Luck

When I moved into my new home with my new husband (and out of Mom & Dad's house), Mom (married nearly 30 years) taught me an invaluable phrase, "I don't know where it is honey...?" I questioned her logic initially, but have since uttered that phrase at least a dozen times... Now I understand some "Mama's" might be offended by this, but if I were you I would make that game disappear - permanently. And, if you think he is just going to run out and get a new copy then unplug the computer (or other game console) and have it stored someplace (not in the house) for a while. I think that he is going to go nuts when he realizes what has happened. Really manic. Don't fight with him, just let him go truly crazy. Sit back and let it happen. Then, after he has been at it for a while, literally walk up to him and hold a handheld mirror up to his face and ask him is this really the man he wants to be and can he please re-join his family in life now, his wife and daughter have been waiting? If that doesn't snap him out of it, I don't know what will. And, uh, that game? You don't know where it is. You see, once you throw something out, or donate it, you really do not have any idea what happens next, do you? Therefor, "I don't know where it is honey". :) Good luck.

Hi Mom To Teen,

I am a World of Warcraft Widow (AKA WOW Widow). I know what you're talking about. In my case I married him knowing his need to play the games.

What I did was tell my husband in clear terms, I need 1 hour a day & 1 day a week with him. Beyond that, I let him have his game time. I also try to understand when he is in a fight, and wait until he is done before I "bug" him.

I suggest you clearly state what you need and what you expect. Use terms like, "When you ____ I feel___, I need___." Men react well when you tell them what you want.

There is always the threat I have used very often, and trip the circuit breaker to his game room. =)

Good Luck, and welcome to the club.

R. Magby

My husband plays MMO's, like World of Warcraft and Star Trek Online. This was never a problem until our daughter started not going to bed until almost 8 (she used to go down at 7) and his brother stops playing at 8. So the compromise is that they have 2 weeknights where he's allowed to play immediately after he does the dishes after dinner (I make dinner so he does the dishes). We also have one night a week where we watch tv together or a movie. It has helped us to have a schedule for things.

How about opening a conversation with something like:

"Sweetheart, I've been noticing lately that my needs are not being met, nor are your daughter's needs being met, when you spend more time playing Dragons' Age than interacting with us. I feel hurt and furious when you spend hours daily playing this game. Our daughters have expressed (sadness, confusion, anger). So I am wondering what needs of yours ARE being met by the game, and whether we can mutually consider how to achieve a better balance of family needs here. Will you please help me with this?"

This incorporates several critical components of a life-changing process called Non-Violent Communication (which you can google for more details, books and classes. A basic guideline is to speak in terms of both parties needs and feelings, which are always real and legitimate, and avoiding concepts which tend to lead to further division and defensiveness (which in your situation, could serve to drive your husband deeper into his game life). Instead, you acknowledge that he has needs while reminding him that you and his children also have needs. By being respectful of him, he's more likely to WANT to be respectful of you.

My best to your family.

While he's gone to work, find the game and hide it. When he asks about it, tell him that the game will be MIA until you locate your husband who has currently been MIA for however many months while he played this game and missed out on life in general! It is SUCH a guy thing to be sucked into a video game for hours on end. I start messing with cords when my husband goes MIA!

My husband is a huge gamer and can easily spend hours on end playing. I have my own hobbies and shop or play with the kids (we have 2) or cook, watch TV, etc. One thing I have discovered which has actually brought us closer is that I will sit for a bit and watch him play the game, ask him about the draw, the strategy, the community, and there have even been a couple that I thought looked fun that he even got me an account and we played together. It was fun to go "hunting" exotic creatures or fighting monsters, but doing it together was great because I was getting a chance to share in something he was truly passionate about. The coolest thing was, is that I am big into fashion and sewing, and my husband got interested in watching Project Runway with me and started taking some sewing classes with me. It is so nice to be able to have our own hobbies, but it is even better to share interests as well. Believe me, it is worth trying. Don't resent the game or him, look at what is really bothering you. You are saying the game is a marriage wrecker - your resentment of the game and the time your husband is spending on it is what is wrecking your marriage. Sit down and talk to him and let him know how you feel and why you feel that way. Your husband loves you and should be responsive to you, but in return you need to reciprocate. Don't forget marriage is one of the hardest jobs and the most rewarding. Not only see your partner as your husband and lover, but also as your best friend. Be open to his experiences if you want him to be open to yours. Best of luck to you!!!

This is the STORY OF MY LIFE! My husband does the same thing! And it drives me up a wall. He used to play for hours when he got home from work, or if he has a day off during the week, and ignore our family(we have three children under the age of 6). While I am writing this he is currently playing Grand theft Auto for the PS3.....Anyway. What I did was delegated a time when he could play his games, since the hours in the early evening are the busiest in my house b/c of dinner, homework, baths, bedtime, my husband can not play between the hours of 6:30pm-8:30 pm. That way I know he has to help out and I am not stuck doing the brunt of all the work and stressing. I know it seems silly, almost like he is a child and I am the adult, but men are like big kids and as long as he helps out, I am happy;) Hope things look up for you, and just know that you are DEFINATLY not alone!!!

I agree with SuziR. I would probably have done the same thing. Drastic addiction needs drastic measures. The game has obviously gotten his attention more than you, so make your statement and get his attention. I would more likely lean toward moving into his game room and you and your daughters play a game together (see how distracting that would be) after all, you are important right? The other thing would be to unplug that game and tell him your needs. You're not his mother, but you need his attention and you deserve it.

Seriously?! This is the example of a man/husband/father that your girls are witnessing everyday? Not to mention what a married life looks like between husband and wife? You're right to be concerned and to know that now is the time to stop this in order to save your family!
I think the replies that nudge you to hide/sell the game are good ones. Then you can get his undivided attention to really talk (without kids present if possible) about what's going on and make a plan together to change and grow from all of this. Your concerns are real and valid. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but you can do it. Think of what is at stake!

Sounds like its becoming an addiction, maybe he needs you to show him how many hours he is spending on tv and computer with visual proof ( chart, schedule of the day). Bring the girls in on act with them pleading and telling him what he has missed. But first hid the remotes and game.
Tell him there needs to be a limit on tv and computer game. I know how I counted back the hours he was on it to him and now he helps me out with the kids more.

Wow, I could have written this post about 4 years ago. My husband did the same. He became addicted to World of Warcraft, lost a huge job that paid amazingly well, stopped showering, eating, sleeping, and neglected me and my baby daughter. He'd ignore me if I tried talking to him and would play for 24 hours straight, sleep a bit, wake up, get food, leave the left overs and dirty plates in the room, play, and same thing over and over. He would only get up to pee and to get food into the room. My daughter cried, I cried, his parents begged him to stop, hell, even the ministers of his church tried talking to him, holding an "intervention" and a prayer meeting. Nothing worked. He refused to acknowledge he had a problem and asked us to leave him alone, bought a new door lock with a key, and locked himself in the room. I became disgusted and left him for over 3 years. People like this have psychological issues, they are OCD to say the least (he was also bipolar so he'd get in these angry moods), and no one can help them if they don't accept they have an issue and do something about it. After he was alone for almost 4 years, he realized the game was not fulfilling his social needs and he was able to wean himself off and stop cold turkey. He started looking for a job and went back to his normal self. He got himself majorly in debt though from not working for so long but he's doing better, and trying to fix things with us. Sometimes, it takes something as drastic and impulsive as leaving to get them to realize the game is not a substitute for a family. I tried taking the game itself away, but I was naive back then and didn't realize he could download a full copy, which he did. I couldn't take away his computer as he used it for work, so there's really no way of getting the addiction away from the addict -- he has to want to help himself. He now plays the occasional computer game and even has my daughter participate, but he won't play longer than an hour or 2 now and won't let it replace outings to the park or any other fun activities with his daughter. Good luck, it's tough.

Show him this post. Don't think you could say it or explain it any better than you have to us. My husband is a gamer. But he learned real quick from me that he has to play when our son goes to sleep. If he chooses to pull an all nighter that is on him, but he isn't allowed to sleep in or be cranky on a family day. Your hubs is just in the game zone right now, wake him up!

Have you tried talking to him about this, while he's not playing this game? Maybe if you get him to go out to dinner or somewhere away from your home where there's no TV or computer, and talk to him about this, see what he has to say about it. Maybe he doesn't realize how obsessed he is? I would try to compromise with him and get him to agree to only play this game 1 hour per day, and set a timer. Maybe if your daughters talk to him as well, that would help. I think your first step is getting him to realize that there is a problem - I think that is the key with any type of addiction, right?

I also play Dragon Age, and it is easy to get caught up in the story line. But that's not excuse.
I would set up times for him to play and times where he spends time with the family. write out a schedule if you have to.
You might try it yourself , gaming is a great way to relax and get out some aggression and frustration.
My husband and I play some games together and it's helped up be closer. At first I was completely against it and then I tried it, and we've been playing together ever since. After the kids are in bed, and there are some games we play with the kids , like Lego Rock Band.

He has an addiction like any other addiction. Consult an addiction specialist and stage an intervention to get him help to find out why he needs to escape. Usually the common thread is unresolved feelings from childhood that have now come to the surface. Don't try to talk to him without professional help because you are not talking to the same man and the same brain that you married. Good luck with this modern day mess.

Momtoteens,

I agree with a good portion of what the other moms are saying. After 18 years of marriage you should be able to talk to him without being hushed in any way. I have compromised with my husband on his video game playing and the hours. However, there have been times when I couldn't get him off the system to listen or to spend time with me so I had to be creative.

I ended up putting on a sexy nighty or turning the lights down, something to completely distract him from his objective. That is playing the game and it usually works, once I had his attention I told him what I wanted and expected out of him. Tell you what, I got my way! We women have lots of power over our men believe or not, you just have to get very creative some times.

Good luck, don't give up and don't back down.

S.

Talk to him, tell him what you just told us.

In our marriage I am the one that is on the computer all the time. My husband complained about never seeing me because I was always in the spare room on the computer. Since my daughter came back home from college there is no spare room so I moved my computer to the living room. Now I can be on my computer, spend time with the family and we are all happy. But then my girls are adults and not small children. Tell him how you are feeling and that the kids are feeling neglected. If you don't tell him he won't know. I spend my time on the computer first thing in the morning and then get off when everyone gets up. Then at night when we watch television I use my computer. Maybe you should move his computer to you living room. I know my friend got divorced because the computer took over their lives. She is now happily married to another man and her ex is still sitting in the same spot on his computer every free minute he gets. Other than feeding him I don't think he even realizes she is gone. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and the kids feel. Give him choices.

I can definately understand. I would recommend that you talk to him about it when he is not playing it. Explain to him how it is taking away from.....(fill in the blank) and you would really appreciate if he could limit it or recognize his obsession for it. Be very careful, though, not to accuse him or try to make him feel guilty because most likely it will backfire on you. But if you talk to him with kindness, gentleness and concern for your relationship and your family, it will at least give him something to think about. Also try to relate how you feel when he is obsessed with the game to how he feels when someone else has ignored him for something else. This kind of approach has always helped my husband to understand much better how I felt. I hope this helps.