My Man Is a lier...and Doesnt Seem to See the Problem...???

Been there, done that and in my case I had to leave because he will never change and I couldn't allow him to continue to play with my head. Like someone else said no amount of tears, pleading or ultimatums will work unless he wants to change and he needs to understand that if he isn't doing anything wrong, then why is he lying about it? You can't threaten to leave, you have to walk the walk and he needs to know you will NOT tolerate it. It's hard, good luck!

I completely agree with Meghan. I've been there, too, and I'm very glad to be out of that marriage.

I'll add a couple of comments, too. I obviously don't know your whole story, so I apologize if this is off base. My intent is only to help you make an honest assessment of your situation.

1. Do you really want him to "ACT" like he wants to be with you and he is happy? And quite frankly, if he's not even pretending to be happy with you, what are you doing with him?

2. You said you've threatened to leave, but you're still there. Idol threats don't work. You are basically accepting his behavior, so what is his incentive to change?

3. Don't stay in the relationship for the sake of your child. Your child would be better off to grow up with a happy single mom than a mom who is treated badly. Remember that you're setting an example for the way your child will live, and what they will tolerate in their own relationships.

I wish you the best of luck.

This is a problem and if he doesn't quit when he knows it bothers you then there's your answer. How would he feel if you did the same? You can't change him only the way YOU deal with him. Good luck. There is nothing like a woman's tuition.

Hey there Khysti. I agree that you cannot change anyone, they change because they love us. It sounds like this guy is NOT going to change. If he knows how you feel and continues to do it, I would throw his stuff on the front lawn the next time he went out and that would be that. Of course being a Single Mom is most definatly hard, but it sounds like you are practicly a single mom now. Bes of luck Hun.

The others are right. You can not change someone who dosen't want to change. I have been with my husband for 11 years. He still does things that drive me nuts. So you have a choice. Accept the man that he is, or leave. If you choose to stay, then you have to know that he will go out again. Be prepared for that. Look at your life, and tell yourself what is best for you and that precious little baby of yours.

I feel for you, and it's hard to give advice to leave the situation if you're not sure. I always tried to live by the old saying, " You can only be treated how you allow yourself to be treated, and what you're willing to accept" In life we all put up with certain things but some are little things that really don't matter, I believe your respect and dignity isn't a little thing. You deserve better, and you have to believe that on your own, and then you'll know the answer!! I have two children and put up with alot to try to keep my little family together, but in time it just wasn't worth it, and I should of divorced sooner, my ex took my love and caring for granted, but never was jealous or degrading to me, but believe me he made up for that part in other ways instead. Life is too short to live like this, and you need to start thinking about you and your child having a more pleasant life. It's not easy being a single mom, but it was all worth getting out of a bad situation, and to move on.
Good Luck, and keep your head up, and believe that
you deserve better (that's the first step)

Jennifer's comments are great and i agree, and heck who hasn't been there, but. yes i have a but, i am great at playing devils advocate so here i go.

relationships are about give and take and after all you did get involved with this man and i would hope it wasn't just so you could try to change him. Did this behavior bother you before or is it somethign that has just been comeing up since the baby, and pregnancy?

how much of what he does would be a problem if you trusted him? and why don't you trust him, is it something specific or more jsut how you feel, don't let your own insecurities make you distrust him, it isn't fair to either of you.

and what kind of parent is he?

put yourself on the other side, he lies to you because he doens't want you to get mad, and you get mad because he lies to you and you don't trust him because he lies but he only lies to you because you don't trust him. his friends are girls ok, that doesn't mean he loves you less and they were his friends when you got together as well right? you can't really want him to give up his friends for you that isn't fair regardless of thier sex. but you have this pattern between the two of you of negative and detrimental behavior and you both feel justified by how you are feeling, if you break the pattern then the relationship can be saved, you try to trust him and not get mad when he goes out and he will then tell you what he is doing so the lying stops and you feel like you can trust him and things are better, you create a pattern of trust and communication instead of one where you are both struggling. good luck in whatever you decide but so often we throw in teh towel over something that can be fixed if BOTH people are really willing to make the changes and take the time and give a little.

Kick him to the curb....

K.,
I am sorry you are going through that especialy after having a baby. I felt most vulnerable then, I also felt at the same time most empowered. My husband had some problems lying and having "Friends" that were women. Our rule of thumb is if you are doing something you don't want your partner to know about you are doing the wrong thing.
I was at my wits end with my husband and we sat down and I told him there were certain rules if he wanted to be with me. At the time I told him I would consider everything he told me to be a lie until it was proven otherwise. I wanted to know where he was going and who he was going to be with and what they were going to do. He had a choice he could go along with the rules or he could just go. I asked him to be a man about it and if he wanted to be with someone else to tell me before he was, I let him know I would let him go no problem, just be respectfull about it and tell me first. There is no reason to cheat. If he wants to be with someone else he should but I am not going to share. If I am not the only woman for him then obviously we are not right for each other. He realized the error of his ways and he changed his behavior. We spent a good 6 months as not much more than room mates but I finally felt like I could trust him again. At that time we had a 2 year old and 4 year old and had just lost a newborn.
My advantage is that we are his second family. His first wife left and took the kids he did not see them for 10+ years. He knew what it is like to loose a family.
But more to you. I knew then I didn't want to live without him but I wasn't going to live with him acting like that. I deserve better and so do my children. I was willing to live with out him if he wasn't willing to change. The good news is that was 8 years ago and we are happier now than I ever thought possible.
Don't make empty threats, Mean what you say, say what you mean and don't say it mean. For me to do that I had to write it all down first and then read it to him. It was the only way I could stay calm and get everything I needed to out.
Good Luck to you and I am here for you.
J.

LEAVE HIM!!! When i was preggo my husband thought i was the most beautiful woman in the world because his child was growing inside me, and that's how it should be! I don't think that you should leave the home-just him, if it's an apartment, tell the landlord that your keys were stolen and that you need the locks replaced and find out when it will be done so that you can make sure that "he" is out of the house, or if its a house, get your butt to home depot and buy new locks, either way in no way shape or form should you uproot your child because his father is garbage, because garbage belongs on the curb, he needs to go! i am sorry if i sound harsh, but no woman should ever be treated like that and if sees nothing wrong with that then he has issues and needs to go, as for the mother, if you want to make a, how should i say, blunt point, stop taking your baby to her house, stop asking her to come over, etc.. if she can't treat the mother of her grandchild with respect then your child does not need to be around that negativity! kids, no matter how young, pick up on that! or just call her out on it! that is my method pf preference seeing as how i had to do it myself, i simply asked her what her problem was with me and if it couldn't be resolved with talking it out then she needed to keep it to herself if she wanted to continue her relationship with her grandchild! want to know what happened- it worked, she kept her mouth shut and if she started being a b***h me and my girl left, after doing this 2-3 times and turning down her requests to see my daughter because we "had plans already" she sweetened up for good!