My Kindergartner Will Not Do Right in School. Any Advise on How to Handle This?

Take him to a pediatrician or therapist? I don't know what else to say. Maybe he is in some sort of pain so he screams, or has some type of unaddressed disability, or just doesn't know how to express himself properly without disruptions to the classroom. Do the teachers have any advice/clues as to why it is happening or when, what may be causing it? Is it the entire day?

Your previous posts indicated that you were living alone, holding down a full time job, and that your children's father was not living in the home. That's a lot for kids to understand, or to handle emotionally. Mom is incredibly busy with three young kids and a job, and Dad has another family and doesn't live there. Although the father of your children may be kind to them, that's not the same as being there for bedtimes, and being a solid stable presence in the home. Even if he visits, his attention is divided.

So your statement that your child's behavior has nothing to do with the fact that you had children with someone else's husband is terribly inaccurate. Your children may be feeling very confused, and like they don't have a secure stable home.

Of course many mothers work full time. That's not what this is about. You can hold a job and be an effective mother to your kids. So don't think that's what I am saying here.

How does the teacher handle your son's screaming? The teacher is there to teach, but also to control the children and to have an orderly classroom. If your son refuses the teacher's instructions and corrections, then the teacher may refer your son to administration or for evaluation for behavioral issues. Make an appointment with the teacher and ask careful questions.

What does the teacher see in your son? What has she tried? As others said, ask about times when this happens, and what's going on. Your son might be hungry, or afraid, or tired. Or he might be screaming for some attention.

It's not "immature" to go back and see previous posts to get an idea of what's been going on in the past. It's called being well-informed and careful.

What is your home life like? Are you still working full time? Who watches the children after school? Do you eat meals or at least supper together as a family? Does their father come regularly or infrequently? Is there time for your kids to play, to get outside? Are screen times limited?

it's on the school to handle it. you can't fix what you're not there to see.

what are they doing? what have they asked you to do?

is he a problem at home?

ETA people like this make me clutch my head. almost no information in the post, then a frothing furious SWH lambasting anyone who didn't intuit all the missing info.

no wonder this little fellow is frustrated and confused.

khairete
S.

I read that your son did well in Preschool and that he napped. Kindergarten is very, very academic now and the pressure might be too much for him all at once.

I would make an appt for a phone or in-person conference with the teacher asap and see what is triggering the screaming, what time of the day it is happening, etc....

Is he one of the youngest in the class and needs more time to adapt to the long day? Is the class very academic and he is, therefore, acting out? Does he sleep through the night and get a full 9 plus hours of sleep? Hopefully, there is no tv is his room or screen time before bed and less than an hr or so of it a day. Does he have breakfast? Is he eating his snack at school? Does he feel like he does not have any friends there? Any delays?

Set up a plan with the teacher. Ask her if u can work as a team.

One year, a Mom I knew gave her child an extra yr. She pulled her out and put her in a private remedial Kindergarten which was more play, snack, naps, experiments, music, outdr play, etc....

Is he on the young side for kindergarten?
Where we are you have to be 5 yrs old on or before Sept 30th to begin kindergarten.
Our son has a late October birthday - so he was only 5 yrs old for 2 months before turning 6 in kindergarten.
He was almost always the oldest in his class unless there were any earlier October birthdays.
It really worked out well for him.
A little bit of maturity really helps with sitting, listening to the teacher and following instructions.
Perhaps he needs another year before starting kindergarten.

I've never heard of anyone screaming in the classroom.
That seems like over the top behavior.
He's old enough for you to talk to him and ask him why he's doing this and to tell him he's going to be in trouble every time he does it.
School has been in session for about a month and if he's not settling down it might be time to talk to your pediatrician about having your son tested for behavioral issues.

I see kindergartners and even first graders that loose it during school. Whoever said that screaming in class is over the top needs to come work with me for a day.. Screaming happens in school more than you think. It happens more than once a day!

Talk to your child. Ask the teacher questions. When is it happening? Who is nearby? I have a child in my class that will cry till they throw up if asked to go on a certain learning site on the ipad. Another cries till they fall asleep after lunch and we do not have nap time. they are just tired and still used to an after lunch nap so they cry for it and eventually are so tired they fall asleep!
Kindergarten is tough on kids. So find out when, how and what could be causing these out bursts of screaming and why the child is having trouble listening. It could be a personality clash, we have 6 kindergarten classes in our building. We will switch the child to another class as a last resort. (Of the 6 kinder teachers we have many teaching styles. From military style expectations to easy peasy go with the flow and have fun.)

Your child might do better in a transitional K class. What time does he go to bed at night? Is there a lot of running around, noise, TV, confusion until everyone is finally settled? He may not be getting enough hours of night sleep. The nap he needs may be mostly because he doesn’t sleep enough at night.

No TV after dinner. Baths and pajamas and brushed teeth. Reading books and quiet time, lights out, no matter how old these kids are.

If you don’t want people to go back and read your prior posts, don’t write on this site. People don’t prefer to answer questions in a vacuum. They look to see if there’s more information about your situation so they can think through their answers. You are the one who is being immature about that.

I think it's very difficult to do something at home at 4 p.m. or 7 a.m. that will transfer over to help a child manage his emotions at 11 a.m.

I think teachers have to have good classroom management and behavior modification skills. I also think parents have to work with the school to see what else is needed: an evaluation for an underlying issue like ODD or anxiety, an assessment of whether his screaming/disobeying occurs randomly throughout the day or just in the afternoon when he's tired or before lunch when he's hungry, if it's related to transitioning from one topic/station to another, and so on. They need to keep a simple log/chart of what he does and what was going on right beforehand. They need to jot down what worked and what didn't. The school should have a guidance counselor, psychologist, or assistant principal who can provide a second set of eyes for part of a day.

I knew my child wasn't ready at 5, so he didn't start until 6. He did another year of preschool - a pre-K program. He napped for 3 hours a day until a few months before he would have started kindergarten, and I knew he wasn't going to make it through the day. Other kids don't transition well and can't handle stopping when the teacher says "stop." They need a warning ("in 5 minutes we will....") and that has to be given when the child is making eye contact with the teacher. Kids often struggle with preschool play in small groups vs. kindergarten work in large classes.

If the teacher and you work as a team, maybe you can use the same language as each other so your child gets consistent messages in both places.

What does your son say about school? Is he happy to go in the morning, or is it hard for him? Does he talk about missing you? Liking or disliking his teacher? When he gets home from school can he tell you anything about how his day went, is he making friends, does he like any of the activities? It is hard to know how to help him without knowing how he is feeling.

Starting kindergarten can be a big deal especially a full day program for a five year old. Make sure he is getting enough sleep, he still needs at least 10 hours.

Do you have any concerns about his behavior at home? If not, then I would continue talking with him and the teacher and help him adjust. If you do have concerns at home too, or if things don't improve at school, then it would make sense to find a counselor to work with him and you so that you know how to better help him.

If whatever they are doing at school isn't fixing the problem then the teacher is going to need you to think of something that will help at home.

I found rewards sometimes worked even better than a consequence. My son's school gave a stamp in their take home book for good behavior like a star or smiley face and a note if there was improper behavior. At first it was a small treat everyday he got a stamp and not a note. Then it was a slightly bigger one on Friday for a whole week of stamps. Finally, he didn't need the treat.

Days he got a note there was no TV after school instead of a treat. (Just no TV didn't work alone).

I would say if you try rewards and/or consequences and it doesn't improve call the school guidance councilor and ask her where to go from there. They can be a good source of information.

Also at this stage if he is an "old" five or "new" five can make a big difference. Where does his birthday fall? If he is newly turned five the transisition might take longer as he would be younger than some of the kids.

School issues need to be handled at school. Is your son a young kinder? If so, perhaps give him another year of preschool to mature.

Also, what is the school recommending?

Updated

School issues need to be handled at school. Is your son a young kinder? If so, perhaps give him another year of preschool to mature.

Also, what is the school recommending?

My first piece of advice would be to have him evaluated. Could there be a touch of Asperger's? What does he say when you ask him (and the teacher) why he
Is he getting 12 hours of sleep every night and waking up on his own?
In preschool, there is a lot of free play and far less structure. Your little boy may miss this and not be ready for kindergarten. Boys are less mature than girls so it may be that he is just not ready. I made my gifted son (tested by the board and could read at grade 6 level at kindergarten) repeat grade five and attend a French school because he was the baby of the class and was obviously immature. He became popular as one of the older kids in the class and went onto to do very well in university and have a good career.
Education is not a race. Maybe even ask him why he is 'screaming'. Do you mean actual temper tantrum, in a rage screaming or crying? Crying at age 5 could be normal and he will adapt. He may just be a poor shifter and as one person below said, the teacher can give warnings about what is going to happen next 5 minutes before. That could help out the little tyke.
How is his nutrition? Does he take a vitamin/mineral supplement? Does he eat plenty of vegetables (in soup form is easy) and fruit at breakfast, quality protein such as real chicken in the sandwich? No cold cuts, I hope. Candy and other sugary foods can affect one's mood and make one feel tired. Eliminate for sure!
Good luck with your son. I'm sure things will work out with a little tweaking of sleep, diet etc..

Did he go to any daycare or preschool leading up to kindergarten (anything structured)? Because it can take a while for kids to adjust to school, and to taking/following direction.

One of mine had a hard time even just sitting at a desk all day. I remember going in for parent teacher interviews, and even though he'd been in daycare/preschool and had done really well there, the kindergarten teacher said that my child was having a hard time - which floored me. She said he wanted to keep sitting on the floor. Well, at preschool, they sat on the floor. He didn't like sitting in a chair staring at the teacher the whole time.

He did, eventually, get used to it. I just made sure he had a lot of playtime when home, and exercise.

Is your son getting to bed on time, lots of exercise, good food (not a lot of sugar), etc? For some kiddos, sitting in a classroom is really hard.

Talk to his teacher. Schedule a meeting to go in. Ask what you can do, work together. If there's a school psychologist/counselor see if you can meet with them - see if you can observe (even from the doorway) or whatever. Get examples - when he's acting out.

Screaming seems a bit extreme. If he's just upset - find out what is setting him off (triggering the behavior). If it's after snack time, before snack .. certain times of day .. afternoon vs. morning, or if certain kids are bad for him to interact with ..

Try not to get upset with your little guy, because that just makes it worse. He may be struggling, finding it too hard. I really recommend going in and getting some suggestions from the teacher.

Did he have behavioral problems before school? Have others mentioned any?

ETA - Tadpole, that's sad (about the kid who cries). I forgot that some kids might be used to naps. When I was in kindergarten, we had nap/quiet time on mats. It's all changed. My kids had stopped by then. What I might suggest then Mom is to move his bedtime up (gradually). He's probably finding day super long. Keep same bedtime at weekends, just to keep it consistent so not a big change come Monday.
We do go back and look at previous posts (I often do). That give us a bit more to go on because sometimes we can gain insight into a behavioral issue, or see a pattern.

ETA: The fact that you really believe that YOUR decisions do not affect your kids (and their behaviors) is beyond frightening. Uffda.

____________

You had 3 children with a married man in less than 5 years . . . did you really think you two would produce happy, well-adjusted children?

Find out what the school says you should do. Then do everything they say.

Your question is about your son and difficulty at kindergarten. When you add that his father is married you caused answers to move away from your question into a situation about your life style. We didn't need to know your marital status or that his father does or does not see him. Actually, all we need to know to answer your question is what is happening at school, what you and the school have tried to stop this.

You and another recent poster told us a life story which, in both of your cases were not needed to answer your questions.

I hope you learn from this that there is such a thing as too much information.
Please consider that your lifestyle is not only different for most moms, it's painful for moms who have experienced their or a friends spouse being unfaithful. Consider your audience before giving information. Instead of defending yourself, ignore what she said so it doesn't take over the conversation. Consider that it's 2019, 2 years later. You might not have him in your life now except for him seeing his children. We do not need to know your lifestyle to answer your question.

How to get over relationship is a common question. We do not need to know he's married to answer your question. Protect yourself from answers that don't answer the question.

Meet with the teacher and school counselor to try to figure out what is going on and develop a plan for how to deal with his behavior. This should be a team effort for your child.

I would talk to the teacher and ask her what the plan is and how you can help. Fully support her in how she wants to handle things and be on her side. Your son will learn he has to listen to his teacher or else he gets consequences at school. Tell him so...let him know you and his dad EXPECT him to behave in class. When my son was in Kindergarten he was having some issues. I was letting the teacher handle it in school for a long time but it kept happening. It reached a point where I told him ok, I am VERY disappointed in your behavior and you are too old to be acting like this. If this happens again you are also getting consequences when you get home. I told him what would happen and then yes, we had to give him consequences at home...but only twice. He realized he didn't like getting in trouble at school AND at home. Kids like to test boundaries. Some kids are extra stubborn and hard. Good luck. PS - School really just started and getting used to no naps during the day is really hard for some kids. I am guessing it will take another month for him to get used to this. When he gets home make sure thing are nice and calm and relaxing and give him an earlier bedtime. 7pm is a bedtime for many Kindergartners.