My Kindergartener Was Bullied!!

Updated on August 28, 2008
L.G. asks from Carrollton, TX
7 answers

My son is in the after school program at his school and today he came home with a shoe imprint on his thigh and multiple bruises. I asked him what happened and he said a bigger boy called him his brother and friend so my son hugged him. (My son has ALWAYS been a big hugger.) He said the boy then started kicking him and punching him in the stomach. My son tried to run away. The bigger boy starting calling for him to come here and began chasing him down. The boy caught my son and continued hitting him. Some other boys joined in and began hitting my son as well. Well my son now started fighting back. FINALLY a teacher sees what is happening and puts my son and the older boy in time out. I was never told what happened and the other children did not get in trouble. I am reporting this to the principle first thing in the morning. In the mean time does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? I think this older child should not be allowed in the after school program! Further more why was a Kindergartener placed with older children?? It should not take that long for a teacher to see and understand what is happening! And why was I not told this happened?? This happened in the PISD school district. I am beyond upset right now! My son is so sweet and kind. He believed that child liked him. He wants friends very badly and he hugged him because he made him happy. Now he is wondering why he can't hug or play with the big kids.
** I was promised that the after school program would be divided by age. Up until today he was been with the younger children in a different room.

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So What Happened?

I talked to several people this morning about what happened. The child is a repeat offender by the expression on the teachers faces. I also talked to a few parents and they are also having issues with this child being a bully to their children as well. This boy is in my son's class but from his size you can tell he should be much higher in the grade level system. My son alone is the size of a 1st to 2nd grader and this child is almost a foot taller! They have been warned to keep him away from my son at all times. Hopefully this will not happen again but if it does I will go even higher in the school and as was mentioned I will file a police report.

More Answers

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A.

answers from Dallas on

And people wonder why I am so against these afterschool programs!! Kids from 5-12 grouped together after a long day of school, with minimal supervision...yeah, that is clearly a recipe for disaster. My advice, get him out!! There have been kids that leave without an adult noticing, clearly kids get bullied or picked on, and then there is "what is my young child going to learn from these older kids?" I am sorry if I sound harsh, and I do empathize with working moms who have to find a good solution, but this type of corralling of children is just such a bad idea. Find a day care, or better yet and in home care (numbers are far lower, and the likely hood is that the kids are all on the younger side), and get him there. I also know that these programs are cheaper than in home care usually, but you are getting what you pay for, and most of the time, it is just not good enough. I hope not to offend others, it is just such a concern for me, I wish there was a better way to do these extended care programs. I am so sorry for you, and your son, I can only imagine your pain! For sure discuss it with the principal, and the afterschool people..whoever they are. Good luck ~A.~

1 mom found this helpful
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S.C.

answers from Dallas on

I must agree with what Amber said. It would probably be best to find alternative care. The after-school program at the school I taught at was terrible. I could hear and see all sorts of chaos coming from the kids down the hallway from inside my classroom. The little kids were with the big kids who behaved TERRIBLY. So, of course, the little kids did, too. The workers were hired from an outside company and often sat on the cell phone for a whole shift while the kids were out of control.
I talked to my principal about it many times, but she had no control except to report what I had seen since it is not part of the district.
Another suggestion: You might sneak in a few afternoons and check out what's going on before they know you are there.
I am sorry that happened to your child, and I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you both.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I'm so sorry this happened to your son. As a mom of two little boys, I would be outraged and probably in tears. I feel for both of you!! I used to teach in Lewisville ISD, so my experience is limited to how their after school program works. All after school children are grouped together no matter what grade they are in and I've never heard of a teacher supervising an after school progam. Usually the people are just hired workers. However, that is no excuse for lack of supervision. On the other hand, no one can watch more than a couple of children at one time. Generally when children are fighting or appear to be, everyone is put in timeout to cool off and so the person in charge can find out what was happening. I'm sure that the incident has been or will be reported to the principal by whoever was in charge. I would definetly speak to the principal first thing, but be as calm as possible. Remember, he/she was not there and wasn't in charge. I seriously doubt the older boy will be removed from the program. It will be his word against your son's unless he tells the truth which may or may not happen. I would role play with my child about what to do in the future if something like this would happen again. Good luck to you and your little boy. I hate this happened to such a young child at the beginning of his journey through school. Good luck and God bless!!

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I am sorry your son's week started like this. No fun. Good for you for jumping on it quickly. My tactic might be a little out there, especially for kinder but here goes.....

Yes, there are a lot of repeat offenders. I know it sounds off base BUT, a police report can deter. The school does NOT want you to file a report.

When my daughter was in 6th grade, she was in PE participating in an activity as instructed. She won her race or whatever they were doing and another girl (BIG 14 yr old in 6th grade???) began attacking my daughter. My daughter happens to be a black belt. She also is well aware of the PISD policy that if she fights back, she also is suspended. We have always told her that if she is suspended due to self defense, she will have no issue with us.

As the big girl was attacking, my daughter did NOT hit her back, instead she used her skills of blocking and she was not injured. The more she successfully blocked, the more agitated this big girl got with her and tried harder to hurt her. FINALLY, a coach noticed and of course both girls were sent to the Dean.

I was called in by the Dean and my first question to her was....Did my daughter hit back? She laughed and said no but she is a very good blocker. That is when I told her that my daughter is a black belt and very capable of killing the bully.

The Dean/Principal and school Police officer practically begged us to NOT file a police report. Of course, hubby and I wanted to go beat the you know what out of this child. We were told that they would be separated and it would never happen again.

They were separated, however, the bully's friends attempted to intimadate my daughter in other areas of the school. At that point ALL girls who tried to intimidate were called in with the bully and parents. The school officer notified everyone that a report had been filed on the bully. They were told that the report has a statute of limitations and IF this bully gets another report on her she could end up in JV.

We NEVER had another issue. No one has ever bothered my daughter again. Word got out that she is a black belt and that the bully was unsuccessful. My daughter is well respected at the school now. The bully is gone.

Kinder is young for reports like this but if the bully's parents and the school know that YOU mean business it can be managed. The school does not want any type of info like this leaked out to the public so they keep it all hush hush.

I apologize for TMI here. I just realized how long this response is. Your son has a right to be at school safely and it is the school's responsibility to keep him safe.

Yes, this was in PISD. My daughter is now 13 and in 8th grade.

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

This program doesn't sound like a safe place for your child. You are doing the right thing by jumping on it. Kindergarten children should not be out of sight of teachers and I would make a fuss about that. If you don't get satisfaction quickly I would move on. In the meantime start looking for another place just in case. Reassure your child that you will protect him. I'm so sorry your year has started out like this!

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

I am so sorry that this happened to your son!!How awful for both of you! I would have to agree with one of the other posters and recommend filing a police report. Even if the assailant is too young (in the judicial system's eyes) it will still be on record and if he continues the behavior there will be a pattern that is documented.I would take pictures of your son's injuries with written documentation. I would then take copies of the pictures and documentation to the prinicipal and file a formal complaint against that child with your school. The school is responsible for the safety and well being of your child and they did not full fill that responsibility. If your prinicipal does not have a plan to rectify the situation go to the superintendent. Every school should have a bullying policy and no tolerance policy. Most of the school districts have them posted on their websites. I would do my research and come armed with their policies when you speak with the prinicipal. The last thing that I would do is find a day care that provides transportation to and from school. There are alot of daycares in Mckinney that provide that service so I'm sure you can find some where you are. If not I would try to find an in-home day care that he could go to after school. Good luck!

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T.C.

answers from Dallas on

I'm so sorry this has happened to your son. In our district bullying is not tolerated. By all means talk to the school principal and if that doesn't work then talk to the appropriate superintendent in which the after school program falls under their direction.

I have to say though that the ATB program in the school I work at is run by our teachers and college students. We use one teacher as the director and the others teach. We split the program up by age group. If a program is run properly then the after school program at a school can be an excellent option for some parents. Our teachers teach the enrichment courses and the college students help with the tutoring and homework as needed. I can say that bullying would never be allowed in our program. If we even suspected this was going on we would handle it in the appropriate fashion and the student who instigated the bullying and any others involved would of been dropped from the program.

Again, I'm terribly sorry about your son. Please be sure to talk to the principal a.s.a.p.

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