My Kids Will Always Be the Oldest in Their Class.....

I have an October baby, and she is older than most. It has never been a problem, but she is 14.

Kindergarten red shirting is such a problem right now, she probably will not be the oldest in the class, and some may be even older, so the expectation is shifting to accomodate them. She is within the cut off, so she will be fine. Be aware, any intervention for children with special needs is based on grade expectations, not the age of the child, so if any unforseen issues pop up as she ages, you should be dillegent with getting her services, as some windows of opportunity close for good remedial instruction in the middle elementary years, and because she is already older, she could miss out on a golden opportunity to catch and fix little issues before they become big ones, if she slides by unnoticed for a year or more (as often happens.) Just be aware that if you are given the idea to wait and see, to insist that you act sooner, and not wait.

M.

She might feel like that now, but in a few years they will all be about the same, and kids who read better or do better in math are put in groups with kids who are at her level. Especially as they hit high school and college, it is better she be the oldest rather than the last to get her driver's license, be old enough to date, old enough to go to bars..etc.

Both of my girls are the oldest too (sept & oct). I was very worried as they both too are very smart. We have been fortunate in that their teachers pick up on this and give them more advanced work.

They both also gravitated towards the other older kids in the class as well, so most of their friends have fall birthdays.

My advice is to be sure to keep up with what they are doing in class and that they are being challenged, if not talk to their teachers!

My oldest (who is turning 11 three days from now) is one of the oldest in the class. He is in fifth grade now and has always done well in school. He scores in the 99% in standardize testing too.

He has a classmate who is almost a year older. That mother purposely held her child back so that he would be the oldest and school would be easy.

I do think that it 'evens out' over time but not before around fourth grade.

If your child is 'bored' in school, you will need to find one that provides a strong curriculum in art, music, social studies, science, etc..... Schools that have strong programs in these subjects keep kids from getting bored in reading, writing and math. Look for teachers that differentiates the curriculum too (taylors her/his lessons for strong and/or weak students).

I personally would not rush her into the next grade. Schools these days tend to be challenging and the focus is definitely academic. Let her play and develope her social skills. Look into other preschool programs; not so much to change her school but to see if there would have been a better, more academic choice.

Good luck!

Both my girls are the oldest (both Sept babies). I too was the older kid in school (Dec). My girls are doing well in school and are challenged. Their teachers make sure they give them enough work to keep them busy. Keep doing what your doing. Read a lot of books and ask a lot of questions. I have my girls write a lot for fun. I'm sure your child will do ok. Buy workbooks or flashcards to keep busy as well as board games to keep the mind active.

My son will be (he misses the age cut-off by 10 days) and is already bigger than a lot of kindergarteners, but he doesn't start until the fall of 2012. I think he will do very well because he is very verbal and a quick learner, but a lot of schools now have advanced programs or challenge programs for kids. I was one of the oldest in my classes as a kid and spent a lot of time in advanced classes or learning in the hallway with the other "smart" kids (not the best social experience, but I was not a child who had friends, I just liked books). I ended up deciding to take high school in three years and go to college early, so that worked for me. When I was 11 we moved to a small town with only 1 class per grade, so you pretty much knew anyone in the school and I didn't find age made a big difference. I have always had friends who were very different ages from mine, either decades older, or a little younger even. There may be some opportunity for her to advance a year, and you can see then how you feel about it, otherwise, just keep in good touch with her teacher and make sure she is not too bored. I actually asked for homework in 6th grade because it was such a boring year.

In the beginning the age difference will show in different ways, so just make sure she is challenged once she is in school. I agree that work books.. 1 page per week day night, will get her ready for the homework portion of school.. Our daughter loved doing "homework" when she was 4, so once she went to kinder, she was a little disappointed there was not more.. (I know, she is strange).. I used to continued to give her more work pages on our own..

By 3rd grade it all seems to even out.. Kids that are extremely bright will still be bright and the kids that struggle, will continue to need to work harder on new concepts.. This is because by 3rd grade the kids that are really proficient readers will now be reading to learn and the kids that are still struggling are still learning to read..

The difference is really going to show up in the 8th grade (she will look and act very mature compare to her classmates) and then in High school when it is time to learn to drive.. Your child will seem really young to be driving her sophomore year, so make sure you keep her busy with school activities so you always know where she is..

It all seems to work out in the end. They may want to test her to see if she needs to skip kinder, especially if she is in a daycare setting.

my kids are always the youngest in their classes and it's cause soem problems with maturity and readiness for certain subjects. But since my kdis are very tall (always the tallest in their grade) I didn't feel I could keep them back a year - they'd be freakishly tall! For my duaghter it was aobut amaturity & feeling inadequate as compared to the other girls, and for my son it was about reading readiness. So - as far as extreme ages go, it is better to be on the older end of the spectrum than the younger. But it will neve be perfect!
The only advice is to have your DD offer her help to other kids and to the teacher. Since my DD is pretty bright she often waited for the class to catch up in certain areas. I suggested she offer to help other kids who were struggling - it was a great thing for her - it solidified the things she learned and she was able to feel a sense of accomplishment. She became a mentor for some kids who had special needs and was a part of a program to mainstream kids with special needs. It ended up being a great time for her and she really go to know not only the kids but the teachers and the other adults.

My sons birthday is just after the cut off as well. Really that age difference is only noticeable in pre-school, and somewhat for the younger kids in kindergarten. The middle and older kids even out by than, and the youngest ones tend to catch up by first grade or so.

i was one of the oldest in my class, and it made almost zero difference. everyone is "known" as something in school - i was known to be one of the smarter and more mature kids. one of my best friends was the oldest in our class. no biggie. occasional ribbing but if it hadn't been that it would have been something else, that's just what kids do. i think it's a lot kinder to give them a leg up rather than advance them. she'd probably be happier being "higher up" on the age scale, rather than being the youngest, the last to do everything, and (although i'm sure it wouldn't happen) possibly having to play catch up. isn't it too late to put her in kindergarten this year, anyway? and to answer your question, yes, the ages do sort of even out - one year isn't going to make that much difference unless a big deal is made out of it by the grownups.

both of my sons were among the oldest in their classes.....& loved it! One has a Sept bd & we had NO choice on his placement. My younger son's bd is the end of July, but due to his inability to stay focused we chose to wait one year. Academically he tested out at the top of the KG placement process so he was placed in a KG readiness program to help him to learn to focus.

Thru the last almost 20 yrs of making choices like this, one very wise teacher told me the phrase which eased my mind: she said that she had never, ever known "waiting" not to benefit the child. I applaud her for her take on the situation. AND as for trying to get a late bd child into school, it's almost impossible! Again, I do not know of a single child who was allowed to do this.....in the last 20 years. Instead the child had to wait & then was placed in the gifted program.

Now to address your child being bored. A couple of options: talk with the teachers & ask if they intend to begin academics.....switch your child to a different school which focuses on academics.....or pick up the slack at home as you have been doing.

& as for the whole "one year difference".....that doesn't make sense! There will always be younger & older kids in each class! The older ones will grasp the context quicker & the younger ones will tend to struggle....unless they fall into the gifted program. & then there are the children who require remedial help. Everybody is all together in the class - usually - with the brightest helping the slowest. You will also find Down Syndrome & autistic children mainstreamed at times..... Our public schools today are quite a mix!

Both of mine are in the group of oldest in their class kids. I was oldest in my class because I was held back a year.
Being the oldest isn't that much of a big deal.

Let the teacher know that she is bored and ask her to give your child more challenging work. Also ask the teacher what she things about moving your child into Kindergarten. They could test her to see if she is ready to move ahead. You don't want her to be bored and loose interest in school before she really gets started. You have to advocate for your child and make sure they are getting the best the school system has to offer.

We were in the opposite boat... so here are my observations from that side of the fence:

In the school my son went to, he was the ONLY 5yo in K. All the rest were 6 & 7.

Going from a multiage school (2-6) to an equal age school the differences didn't bother my son at all, but they bothered a number of kids who had been in preschools where there were 2yo rooms, 3yo rooms, 4yo rooms, etc. Same token there was a lot of discord in the other classrooms in the upper levels (when 5th grade can have 10-13yos in it there is a HUGE developmental dissonance).

I found it to be really really *strange*, because schools that *intentionally* have multiage classrooms the opposite is true. Younger kids pattern off of the more mature (calm, focused, behaving) older students, and older students go the extra mile to be kind to / help out the younger kids. And regardless of ability those who are more advanced help out those who are less advanced (so a 4yo could be teaching a 6yo how to do a certain work that the 4yo know and the 6yo doesn't as well as vice versa).

I think the problem comes from expectation. In single age classrooms there is an expectation by both the teacher AND the students that "everyone is the same"... and people who know more are nerds and people who know less are stupid... as opposed to people just knowing different things. Or that younger kids are going to be bouncier on average and older students are going to have longer attention spans so one student asking an advanced Q isn't a "nerd" they're just older (usually) and the expectation by the other kids is that when THEY'RE older, they'll have similar Q's. Or that the person just knows more about x than they do, but if they spent as much time on x instead of y they'll be equally good at it.

It's OBVIOUS that a 5yo is going to be less developmentally mature than a 7yo... but when they're both in the same class (in a single age school) the same expectations are placed on both. Creating a lot of frustration on everyone's part. Add in hormones in later years by the older kids and there was real strife. But in multiage classrooms the expectation is that kids are at different levels, so both the teachers and the students are a lot more fluid & accepting of individuals.

If we had to go back into the PS system for any reason, I would fight tooth and nail to get into one of the multiage/montessori programs. The 3 year split between students (5 turning 6, and 6 turning 7 creates classrooms with 5, 6, & 7 yo's in K ... 10, 11,12yos -and sometimes 13 in 5th .... 11, 12, 13 and sometimes 14 yos in 6th). And that's not even including the MUCH older students... there were two 7 turning 8yos in my son's K class, and then there are kids who are held back for academic reason. So it can easily become a 4 year spread. Of course, in middle & highschool students are grouped by ability instead of age... but elementary is super dicey.

In my experience/ observation ages don't really sort themselves out until college, although it can sometimes happen in highschool. Also... that a 1 year difference means very little overall, but a 3-4 year difference (when one finds 5 turning 6, 6 turning 7, and 7 turning 8) creates a HUGE difference.

I will have this issue in a few years. My daughter is an October baby but was supposed to be born until December. Regardless of the cut-off age we will not put her in kindergarten until after she turns 5. Even if your daughter is bored now she still might not have been ready. My sister-in-law was a first grade teacher for many years and always said she could tell which kids were the youngest on the first day of school. She would tell many parents every year to have their kids repeat the grade because they just were not ready for the next level. Too many parents push their kids at a young age to go to school when they are not ready thinking they are giving their kids an advantage when really they are hurting them in the long run. I think you made the right decision.

One of my daughter's birthday is early in the school year, too. She was very advanced through middle school in most subjects, but about eighth grade began to struggle with one subject. I think you as the mom need to encourage her learning by reading, going to the library, doing things that picque her interest. Things tend to work themselves out eventually. I don't mean to say that you should just let things happen, but don't over analyze things as you may end up putting more pressure on her. There's nothing wrong with her being the 'smartest kid in the class' and you should really be thankful that this is the 'problem' you have as opposed to the other end of the spectrum.

As parents we are our children's primary teacher and they will follow our lead -

I have a daughter who was born in September, so she began kindergarten just before she turned six. There is a varying age of kids in her class as I'm sure you will find in every school. A few older then my daughter (by up to a few months) and some younger (by up to a year younger). I haven't found it to be an issue. I like that she is one of the older kids. My daughter is in 1st grade now and if there are kids who easily master the standard things the class is learning the teachers give these kids more challenging work. Be it for spelling tests, reading or math.

If your daughter is bored at her preschool maybe she would be happier at a preschool that is more academic. You could look into different preschools around your area and switch her after the holidays if she would be okay with switching during the school year. Otherwise you can continue to teach her at home.

She'll be 6 in kindergarten then? I'd try to get her into Kindergarten this year. I homeschool so I haven't had to worry about this. I have two of mine with October birthdays and one I started younger and one I waited a year. But in the end, they all graduate at the same age with homeschooling. I had my daughter in Kindergarten when she was six and she hated it. That was the only year I put her in school while I was in school but they wouldn't put her in 1st grade that year. I didn't push it because I was just going to homeschool her that next year anyway. If she's bored in preschool, then she'll most likely be bored in Kindergarten next year. That's just my opinion based on what you've told me. I may be wrong. =) Good luck!

My friends daughter is older too. she went to a private Christian preschool and in that school they taught reading and all other things. It was not a play school. They did have some playtime but at the age of 4 she was reading level 1 books by herself and when she started K she was already in the level 2's.

Just keep working with her at home if she is generally happy at her school with friends and a supportive teacher otherwise I'd look for a more exclusive school.

You may want to look for a different preschool, maybe a multi-age one. Play is really important but many preschools do help the 5 year olds start reading and my son's taught them to write their letters at 3. For later on if she remains unchallenged, skipping a year may be an option. I skipped 8th grade and my younger brother skipped 4th grade and I think it was absolutely the best thing for us. We are both summer babies so pretty much in the middle of the pack age-wise (it was before this odd age of holding kids back).
D.