My Kids Do Not Listen to Me

What worked really well for me (in addition to giving warnings) was this:

I was planning to take you boys to the zoo today. However, I remembered that it was so hard and such a problem to get you to obey when it was time to leave. That ruined all the fun for me, so we will not be able to go today.

Stand firm, don't go.

Next time: I know we missed the zoo last week because I couldn't trust you to be ready to leave when it was time to go. I would really like to take you with me to play at Thompson's today while I visit with their mother, but I would have to be able to trust you to say "thank you" and "goodbye" happily when it is time to go. If you don't think you can do that, I will need to leave you home (or we will have to stay home).

And... "Wow! You boys did such a good job not begging me to stay today! It is good to know that you have learned to obey when you are told it is time to go. Don't we all feel better than when you were younger and I had to fight with you to get you into the car!"

You could talk to them about this-they are old enough to know that when it's time to leave-they need to gather up their stuff and head for the car. Before you go somewhere-tell them that when you say it's time to go-they need to respond to you right away. Don't tell them you will leave them-they know better-they just see you as making another fake threat. If they don't listen-don't take them out for a while- like weeks-then try it again-if they don't listen then keep them home longer-why would you reward them if they flat out refuse to listen to you -when you say jump-they should say how high? Why would you want to condition them to disrespect you-you don't-you're just trying to be sweet-and they're not responding to sweet-so you may as well muscle up. I had five children 7 and under-when I said let's pack it up-they said okay-at times reluctantly-no one wants the fun to end-but they would listen because they knew it would be some time before I would take them anywhere again. They were conditioned early on to be able to go anywhere and behave and the reward would be to go places with more and more frequency. You can do it!

When I know leaving someplace fun is going to be a problem, I talk to my daughter (she just turned 5) on the ride over there. I tell here that when its time to go, she is to say "yes ma'am" and help clean up or help me get her brothers' shoes and things together. I also give her a little notice before its actually time to go. It has helped a lot. If she tries to stall I say, "What did we talk about in the car about when its time to leave?" Be firm.

The 5 more minutes is really a great idea!! If you were heavily involved in something that you were really REALLY enjoying...and someone said...ok we are going NOW!!! Wouldn't you react to it a lot better if they said "Mom, we really need to get going....could you be ready to go in say....5 minutes???". I always gave my girls a "heads up" that it was time to go somewhere. My daughters do the same thing with their little ones...I sat in the car for 5 minutes this weekend, while my 3 year old grandson enjoying himself, racing around our front yard...he finally made the compromise with my daughter ( his Mom) that he could finish running around the yard AFTER we got back from the grocery store!!! So....we had a happy smiling little boy in the car with us....and a helper in the grocery store, instead of a 3 year old in the middle of a serious melt down.
If we treat our children with respect...they will learn to treat us, and the rest of the world with respect.
Don't think about just having your child "obey" ....think about helping them to become the very best people that they can be.

Well, you need to get firm!
My kids never argued or fussed about leaving. They could say they didn't want to go, fine. But they dang sure came when I called them without crying or pouting because they knew if they did, that would be the end of the park or birthday party or wherever.
There IS no more 5 minutes and if they don't get in the car, there will be NO going back to the park or so and so's house.
Then, stick to it.
If they say, "Mommy, we want to go to the park"....You say, "I'd like to take you, but you won't leave without a hassle when it's time to go. You don't listen to me. Maybe we'll try in a week or so."
Stick to it!
It won't hurt them!
I know you want to do fun things with your kids, but it's not fun for YOU when they won't go when it's time.
No point in taking their toys away. That hasn't worked. No point in taking story time away either. Let them have those things at home. At least they are semi-corralled.
Tell them you'll just have to find things to do at home because fussing with them over leaving when you take them out isn't working.

For a week, go straight home after school.
It's not the end of the world. They need to believe that you are serious.
I think that's the only way you can get through to them.
Then, when you DO take them somewhere, tell them ahead of time,
"I will give you a 5 minute warning before it's time to leave and then I will tell you ONE time that we are leaving. If I get any guff from either of you, next time we'll wait two weeks."

That's just my opinion. I raised two kids by myself and I did not have time for their monkey business and they knew it.

It's worth a try.

My kids learned this lesson the hard way. I've only had to do it twice, but it works. first time was at chik fil a playground & they wouldn't come down. I stayed calm and I had the worker dude go & get them out. We left and i was not happy to say the least. they were disciplined at home by having to give up 2 toys each. situation forgotten. Next trip to chik fil a, they did not get to play!! Oh they were crazy apologetic and making promises etc.., but I held firm and fit throwing left. they had to pay me another 2 toys each for the scene. third trip to chik fil a i warned them before we went in that they were not going to play and that if they created another scene, we would not return to chik fil a, which is their favorite place. So we went in and they behaved properly and we left without a scene. Fourth trip I agreed to let them play but told them that if they did not come when I stated it was time to go, it would be the last time they would get to play there. We have not had this happen ever again. I say their names and tell them to finish it up and get their shoes on since it is time to go and they hope to it. it was sooooooo hard, but they believe me when I tell them caue I followed thru.

Kids acted up in church and when I got on to them, they moved down to their grandparents and repeated the bad behavior. When we left, i let them know that what they did would not happen again and that from now on, we will not be sitting with the grandparents until they can sit and behave properly at church. We went 4 times before they realized that I mean business and they straightened it up and now we are sitting with granny once again. it was hard and crazy cause people thought since we didn't sit with them that we were having a family fight. LOL Kids learned they do not make the rules and what I say, I mean. It is so hard though and embarrassing, but so is the other and it happens more, so I chose to be the "meany" and now I'm glad I did.

Went to chik fil a with them and a friend and my kids were great about the whole thing and her daughter had serious issues and while i felt so bad for her, i was proud my kids behaved. they even helped getting their friend to chill and i could feel her pain.

Kids just have to push to the limits....after I told her not to worry the worker dude will get her out as i knew from personal experience she just laughed. Best of luck. tough Love & natural consequences.

I have one boy who comes and one who will hide. If I give him a 5-minute warning, he'll spend it hiding (in a very obvious place, usually, like under the coffee table) instead of actually playing! And then he sobs and cries and swears it's "the worsest day ever in the whole entire world."

More often than not, I end up throwing him over my shoulder and hauling him out like a sack of potatoes.

Even better, I had a friend witness this (DS was leaving her house) and she said that Love and Logic would "fix all of this." Hmmm...yeah. I've read the book, and although I really could use a refresher, I felt really judged.

Something we started just today is taking some time away from them. This is actually a suggestion from the "judging" friend. She says, "you didn't obey me, so you're going to bed 5 minutes early tonight." And if they don't do it again, it's 5 more minutes. I didn't think that would work with my boys, so we started with 10 minute increments. I don't know if ti's going to work, since they're master stallers and don't get in bed at 9 on the dot even on a great day.

I've found the thing being taken away has to be immediate to work really well. That's why i'm doubtful about this bedtime thing. Taking away story/reading time before bed has worked wonders--for getting my boys to brush their teeth before bed. it's like my kids don't have the foresight to realize at 10 am that they're really going to hate it when bedtime rolls around 1/2 an hour early, because the consequence is 10 hours away. And it's not 'cause my kids are dumb, they're not. I think it's either part of personality or just a developmental stage.

I've got to do better about this and think of something immediate that I can threaten to take away, but it's hard.

I would like to point out that you are probably only seeing the good kids running when their mom calls out that it's time to go home. You're not seeing the other moms who are don't even bother to call because they know it won't work. Or maybe the kids who come running are going somewhere else fun, or have been bribed by fruit snacks that are waiting in the car. I know it can be embarrassing, but don't compare the things you have trouble with to the things that other moms don't have trouble with. I guarantee there's something your family sails right through that other moms are pulling their hair out over.

Let me restate that: women tend to compare their weaknesses to other women's strengths. And the only good that does us is to make us feel bad about ourselves.

Good luck!

My daughter is the same age. This is what works pretty well for us:
:
Intead of saying, "it's time to leave" when it's time to leave, try saying, "five more minutes, boys!". And then in five minutes say, "it's time to leave now!". If they don't come then, say "if you don't come right now, then <insert discipline here>" and mean it. For me, threatening to take away my daughter's TV watching time or dessert usually works right away. A couple of times she still didn't come, then I upped the discipline ante (taking away two things if she didn't come). And I held firm. If she lost TV privileges, then she lost them. And when she asked me later for them, I would remind her why she lost them.

It's worked pretty well for us.

I give my kids a 5 minute warning or tell them 3 more times down the slide or something. When 4 minutes have passed by my clock i let them know that there's 1 minute left and they should do whatever they want to do now, or when they've gone twice down the slide I say something like "ok, that's two, you get one more slide-let me see your awesomeness." Then I keep the committment by leaving when I say I'm going to. I never leave my kids or threaten to leave them. If they do not come I Remind them that playing here is a priviledge and let them know that if they don't leave when it's time to leave that they won't be coming back

I have a friend who's son USED to do this every time he came over to play. Huge, major meltdowns that I could tell were embarrasing for her. And then... Instead of using negatives she started using positives. For her son that meant saying "It's time to go do X fun thing" Instead of "It's time to leave" (which means no more playing at our house). It helps if you say it with enthusiasm and excitement. For example:
"Hey Dave, It's time to go home and get popsicles."
"Dave, we get to go pick up your sister from school now."

This doesn't always work smoothly, but the positive note plus being firm about discipline has changed things enourmously. In this case, one of the consequenses of having a fit when it was time to leave was that he couldn't come back the next time. She had talked this over with me beforehand. So the next time he wanted to play (he's in our school carpool) I said "Oh, I wish you could, but you didn't obey your mom last time it was time to go, so you can't today." He tried to talk his mom into it when I dropped him off, but she was firm too. Since then things have been much, much better.

i have a timer on my watch that is always set for 5 minutes. so when i give them the warning i also say "what happens when the timer goes off?" and they have to respond "time to leave". i also give them a little count down if i remember to- 2 more minutes etc. i have 3 little boys 6,4 and 2 and this works great for them. good luck!

I always did the 5 or 10 more minutes, and I never had a problem.

Updated

I always did the 5 or 10 more minutes, and I never had a problem.

Some kids, do that because they are always being told that, too.
"Five more minutes...." kind of thing. Or saying "Hang on..." to their parents, because they are told that, too.

In addition to the other advice, I would just say to look for other times (maybe at home, not in public) where they are not listening to you and have firm consequences for those times as well. Sometimes we don't realize what our kids are doing until other people's eyes are watching! Good luck!

Prior to the park, tell them that when it is time to go ..... I want you to leave with a good attitude or I will take __________ this away from you for the next two days. Let them make the choices. I always up front tell what I expect of my kids before we go anywhere. If they don't obey, then thier favriote things will be removed from thier world . Seems to have worked for about 7 years so far. I am all for the 5 min warning with the reminder of the converstation we had prior to leaving the house. Just one consequence at the time....

Well, first of all, do you give them a 5 minute warning before its time to go? I still do that for my 10 and 12 year olds. That gives them a chance to finish up and mentally get ready.

Then, if they still push it, physically remove them. Then don't go for a week (or some interval longer than normal). When you do go again, remind them that if they want to come back they need to come when you say it's time. Be firm and consistent (no exceptions) and they will learn that you mean it.

As a child care provider, I give my kids a warning that we will be going inside soon. Then I give them a 5 minute warning. I will give them another warning at 2 or 3 minutes- it doens't have to be exact minutes and then I will give them a 1 minute warning and then again at 30 seconds. I will count backwards from 30 to 0 at the 30 second warning. Doing it this way gives them an understanding of how time works and usually my kids are running to the door when I say 30 seconds to go inside. Good Luck!