My Kids Do NOT Listen to a Word I Say......

You are their mother. Set rules and boundaries and come up with consequences for disobedience. It might be tough, but don't give in. As soon as you give in, they'll have complete control over you. Be strong!! You can do it.

Oh my gosh! K., we MUST be twins! This sounds just like my house! NO KIDDING! I am a 37 yr old....38 in June =) SAHM with 3 BOYS 12, 7 & 2. And this was TOTALLY me!

Just reading what you wrote brought back all of those feelings so I truly do know what you are going through. And for me, I dared not go to the bathroom longer than 30 seconds or else....who knows what they would do while I was out of their sight!

Remember, baby steps count! You have to stop looking at the WHOLE picture and start with baby steps. And as much as Claudette is right about your husband being involved in this , I understand what it's like to have your husband out of the loop due to his job. My husband is a great guy! He loves us all very much and works hard to provide for us. But all that hard work keeps him away from home until later in the evening too. He does not have the same days off each week. We usually don't know which days it will be until the week before. So planning things is not easy.

One day, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired! So I dug into researching how to get my house in order. I just knew there had to be someone else that had been through what I was going through. And I found some help. Lots of help! First, I bought a book called Managers Of Their Home. This has been wonderful! And well worth $25! And this lady had 8 children to work with all day! I thought, well if she can do it with 8, I certainly can do it with ONLY 3, right?! LOL

For me it was just like you said, I knew what needed to be done but I didn't know how to get it all done. And my follow through was awful! I too felt like I had to blow my stack before they would LISTEN to me! I learned that was because my house was upside down. THEY had become the leaders of MY house! How crazy was that? They were the authority and I had to obey or else.

YEAH, RIGHT! Those days are now GONE, thank GOD! Oh, don't think we don't have some days when they "forget" who's boss (so to say). But I am quick and in a hurry to remind them that it is I who is in charge here and NOT them.

I will GLADLY give you step by step exactly what I did and said if you want me to. It's a lot of info and I have to stick to my schedule so I'll have to do it in pieces. Just let me know if you want me to share it with you, okay?

You can EMAIL me directly at ____@____.com just to vent if you need to. My heart hurts for you. I hate to see any mom go through the pain I did. So I truly want to help, okay?

You ARE a GREAT MOM! You have to know and believe that! You love those girls and by getting this order part worked out you will be giving them an even greater gift. Think on it like this for a minute, when you get your house in order, you are teaching them how to for when they grow up and have kids. What a gift! To know that your girls will NOT have to go through the pain and suffering you have over this. Now that's a real life leason they won't get in school, huh?

Email me please... I really want to encourage you to keep being a great Mom. You are exactly who those girls NEED! And what a blessing! Take Care...N. =)

Hi K. -

A good friend (and a good mom) once told me I needed to find my children's "currency." I didn't understand what she meant at the time -- we weren't having many behavioral issues then -- but it didn't take long for me to catch on. For my oldest son it was video game time and movies; for my younger son it was outside play and his cars. Once I figured it out, I could implement punishment that was meaningful to them. Then came the really hard part -- following through. The first time I told my younger son that he needed to clean up all his cars off the floor or I would get rid of them, he more or less laughed at me -- until the cars were gone (and he didn't get them back, either.) After getting them to sleep through the night and potty training, following through with discipline is the hardest thing about parenting for me. I was afraid they would hate me or become more unmanageable. The opposite happened. When I got tough they began to respect me more. I think it made them feel secure to know that I would always tell them the truth. They know where they stand and the consequences are predictable. And even though I tend to be a loud personality, screaming isn't necessary. Sometimes the most effective thing I can do is to "speak softly and carry a big stick(punishment)." I suggest you post a set of household rules -- no eating anywhere except the table, clean up what you are playing with before you get anything else out . . . whatever your issues are. Then tell them there will be an immediate punishment for breaking the rules (no warnings, no "don't make me come in there", no screaming your brains out -- it just drives you nuts and makes you feel more frustrated.) Then make sure you do it (which will stink but it's vitally important). Next, post a schedule (sit down and think about how you'd like your day to go -- time to do chores, time to play with your children, time for yourself . . .) with snack times built in as well as "mommy time" (quiet time wouldn't be a bad idea either). Every day we have "snack and story time" at 10 a.m. for my 3 and 1 year olds (and my 6 year old participates on the weekend). They choose a snack (no sweet snacks in the morning is one of our rules, so it's goldfish or cheese and crackers or fruit or popcorn) and I choose 2 books. Then we sit down together at the table and read. Lest you think I have atypical children who are the ones with no behavioral issues who can sit still for hours, I should tell you that I have 2 "all boy" boys who are 6 and 3 plus a little girl who is 1 (and started walking at 8 months, so she has been into everything for a while now). So I know how challenging this is. Your world will probably get worse for the first little while when you implement these changes. They will want to test you -- will you really follow through or can they bulldoze you. Once they figure out that you are serious it should get a lot easier. I also suggest you check out Dr. James Dobson. I have taken some parenting classes on discipline based on his books and they have been very helpful. I am definitely not perfect -- there are days when I just scream and lose it -- but having the rules and schedule and immediately following through have made all the difference in the world with my children's behavior. I hope some of this helped. You are an awesome mom for recognizing that discipline is important for your children. And it's great that you plan fun things to do with them -- it will be even more fun for all of you once your girls start treating you with respect. Good luck.

A. T.

1. You won't change the behaviors overnight. Many suggested that you just choose one behavior to work on first-I agree. But maybe to make yourself feel better, you could make a calendar charting out your "target dates". Food, Snacks & Meals for one month, the next month, picking-up, etc. This will allow you to see the realistic amount of time that it will take to make all the of changes that you want to make--like if you have 12 things to change, it will take a year! You may have to adjust your schedule, but you will have a realistic view of what's going to take place. Maybe that will help you to have patience with the task ahead of you.

2. I really like the book 1,2,3 Magic, for discipline. I usually ask twice, then count, 1,2,3. If I know they heard me the first time, I don't ask a second time. If you get to 3 and they haven't done the task, then they get a consequence. And you have to follow through. Someone else talked about what actually will motivate kids-for my girls it's losing play time with friends. Sometimes it's 15 minutes, on up. I have used the 1,2,3 often enough, that sometimes I can just look at them and hold up 1, then 2, then 3 fingers WITHOUT SAYING A WORD and they move!
We still fall into our old ways (yelling, coaxing), but if I just remember the 1,2,3, it works every time. Your husband needs to be on board so it's consistent.

3. Positive reinforcement works for my girls, better than negative. So, if they do a behavior, they get a star and after 10 stars, they get a prize. I have a prize bag. Sometimes they are working towards getting a particular prize.

4. You need a break! Figure out how to get some time for yourself. Can you afford a babysitter, pre-school or swap kids w/another Mom? (Or even just swap one--that would give you time with one child--that can be good for behavior changes too-special time with Mom.)

Don't give up. You are teaching them to be responsible. It might not seem like it, but the boundaries are for their own good and yours.

Good luck!

Here are our rules:
1)No food off the kitchen table, that includes mom and dad.
2)only 2 cups of juice (diluted) a day. The rest of the time it is water, except breakfast and dinner it is milk.
3)one warning, then they sit in time out on the stairs. My 1.5 year old already knows what time out is. If the stairs don't work it is off to bed and they sit on the bed until I get them, no toys, no books, nothing.
4)If they make a mess, they don't get it back for 3 days. Cheese puffs in the carpet, you don't get them back for 3 days. Markers on the wall, bye bye for 3 days
5)and this took the longest- I will listen to them and talk nice IF and only IF, they do the same to me. Mackenzie comes screaming at me, I scream back to her.
My friends pick on me b/c I keep my kids on short leashes, but I had a friend who's kids were horrid and I will not let my kids get like that. They respect me and I respect them, and they have learned it is a win-win when they are nice.

Ok. You need some no nonsense parenting, and I highly recommend John Rosemond's books. A lot of people think he is an advocate for spanking and choose not to read, but if anything the opposite is true. So, the biggest issue is this....say no once and then respond. No warnings over and over, you just teach them to ignore you til you lose it, and of course you will only feel guilty for reaching that point. So, you have to take control early. It could be taking things away, not going outside all day, whatever. You have to respond immediately. Otherwise, they don't listen, b/c they dont' have to. :) Anyway, I tried everything with my first son, and only this worked. It involves no yelling or spanking, but a stern tone. Another thing is don't say "please, put your toys away." Instead, use a commanding tone, "Johnny, put your toys away." If he does not respond, all toys are taken up for the rest of the day or two days. That is how you get them to listen. You don't have to act crazy, but they HAVE to know you are serious.

I am in the same position - 35, stay at home mom, 6 1/2 daughter, 4 1/2 son, and 1 yr. old son. My husband leaves at 5:45 AM and comes home at 7 PM, or later. I've been married 10 years.

My advice - when you say no, mean it. Kids will always grumble. I take away reasonable items for reasonable lengths of time. The 4 yr. old will loose computer time for the day, for example, while the 6 yr. old will loose cheerleading that day or Webkins for the day. I pay a lot of money for my daughter to have this opportunity and she's not going to take it for granted. Make a routine to your day when your kids are home and stick with it. We have activities and playtime up until 5 PM. At 5, they do homework at the kitchen table while I cook. We usually eat at 6 - at the table. At 6:30 they go play, watch tv or have computer time. At 7:30 we have baths, pick out our clothes for the next day, read one book each, say our prayers and then bedtime is at 8 PM. We loosen this schedule on weekends, but try to stick with it to keep the kids in line. They really thrive on the schedule adn are much easier to keep in line and then know when something is truely wrong with them (getting sick, depressed, etc.).

The key to any disipline is to stick to what you say and keep the punishments - and rewards - reasonable. You probably have a bit of a battle to get into a routine, but once you're there - STAY THERE, even through the summer. You really start to like your kids and they really start to like you. :) Your children need to respect you and have an appreciation for all that you provide for them. You want to raise good people, not adults that can't provide for themselves because everything has always been given to them...unless you're a billionaire.

Also, with the little one, you may want to set up a mommy and me time. When the two older ones were each around 2 or 3, they both craved some attention. I set up an hour a day that I would lay out a blanket and paint toes, read books, color, play playdoh together, ect. This hour of special time was fullfilling to both of us.

You may also want to put into place basic house rules - shoes off at the back door, no food/drink except at the table, must ask permission for food, etc. I know this sounds controlling, but kids don't come programed with how to take care of themselves or other things. It's a learned behavior. For the sake of their friends' moms, they need to know these basics. If they move the food to the tv, take away the food. If they bring it back, turn off the tv, take the remote and take away the food. You are the boss. You are in control. You may even have to stop buying foods that seem to be the point of contention. Even if they're thin, they still need proper nutrients and to learn how to eat healthy.

By the way, they're are a ton of books out there. It's cheaper just to have the tough love. Good luck! This is certainly not easy and I struggle with it daily. I'm always the mean one. Hopefully they'll grow into good adults and think back and see how much I really loved them because of how exhausting all of this is.

One good idea that I got from watching Super Nanny is to have your younger children decorate "snack boxes." Each day, you put a certain # of snacks (this # is whatever amount you decide is okay for your kids to have) in the box. For example, you could put an apple, crackers, and one cupcake. At appointed snack times, the children get to choose one of the snacks in the box. Once those snacks are gone, that's it for the day. This way, the kids aren't constantly going from one snack to the next all day long. In between real meals and the appointed snack times, the kids shouldn't be eating anything. I've learned from my own son that if you let kids snack All day, they won't ever sit down to eat a real meal because they're not hungry. Good luck and know that you're not alone in your struggles. Give yourself some credit for trying to do what's best for your children!

K.: Consistency is the key. Decide on something and then do it over and over again. I rely on a timer for so many things, so when things come out of time out, or I need to follow up with a tantruming child, it's because the timer said so, not because something the child said or did changed my behavior. Don't fear the tantrum or meltdown.

Check out "Love and Logic". Awesome--they talk about taking the emotion out of it (yours AND your concern for theirs), expecting them to know the consequences for their actions, and making the 'pay' (with a favorite toy, game, event, etc.) for things they do.

At the same time, try to find ways to catch them doing something right. Still, though, your focus must be on not changing your tune NO MATTER WHAT. If you want to handle it differently next time, fine, but DON'T change your decision after it's made.

You are in control. Good luck.

I have the same problem with my daughter (5). I also hear from mom's with kids the same age, it seems to be normal. We are trying 1-2-3 Magic:Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. Just got the book yesterday. I think it is going to work if I can get my hubby on board. There is no yelling or spanking necessary, and I am hoping it will help me keep my temper in check. I want to be the grown up again. I am tired of exhuasting arguements. This goes on all day, and it takes the fun out of every activity we plan.

Hi K.
I think what you need at this very moment is a breather. Take in a deep breath, hold, and let go. You seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment.

If I amy suggest,could you find some time alone with your husband and talk togethr about creating some house rules for all three children? I understand that your husband may not feel like doing this, but it is really important the the children see that both of you are working together at raising them (especially the stepdaughter) and that you are supported.

There are many suggestions about house rules, but I think that you are probably the best judge of this. Having said this, one of the most important things to remember is consistency and consequence. Making sure that everyone can read and/or understand what the rules are and what are the consequences are is really important. Also, I would suggest to have family meetings (maybe the 3 year old can wait a few years). This gives the children an opportunity to express what they would like to see and learn negotiation rules. This will also give you ideas on what they truly value and use this as collateral for broken rules.

Also having a routine and boundaries are what will make children feel more secure and less likely to act out. Once they understand just what is expected from them, it will tend to get easier. It will also help them once in school where more often than not, this is how it works. I hope that you will have found this helpful.

C. C.
Life Coach

My stepdaughter's counselor suggested a almost fail-proof way(in her and our experience) of getting children "on task." It's called the Family Contract. Please email me about it and I can give you much more detailed information. The basics: you set up a chart of what the children need to do during the day (chores, specific behavior, etc). Then points are given for each thing listed. At the end of the week, points are added and should correspond to a level of privilege (TV time, special treats, time on the phone, or whatever age appropriate privilege is in your house). It makes the child responsible for achieving their own rewards. It is a positive reward experience, rather than a punishment based system. There is a book by Howard Leftin, MD that outlines the system. It is for children of all ages. At the end of the day, the children need to understand that it is THEIR behavior and THEIR choices that impact their lives. It also underscores the fact that there are consequences for the choices they make. You just have to tailor the chores, behaviors, and privileges based on age appropriateness and what is good for your house. here is a link. http://www.amazon.com/Family-Contract-Blueprint-Successfu... If you want to ask me about it ____@____.com

Hello K.! I know what you are going through. I have a 4 year old biological and 2 stepdaughters 7 and 11. My 4 year old does exactly the same thing. She is ridiculously defiant and I was at my wits end. I spoke to her pediatrician and he had some good advice which worked, so I thought that I would share it with you.

First things first: Start a rule list. Take the top 4 things that are unaccepatable in your home, whatever they may be. These are the top four rules on your list. These are the things that the children DO NOT get a warning about. If they break these rules, then they are punished, no exceptions (We'll get to the pnishments later). Second, take the next 4 things that irk you. These are the next 4 rules on the list. With these 4 rules, the children get ONE warning each day and if they break it again, then they get punished. Make sure this rule list is posted somewhere in your home, ike the fridge or some other central area. The "rule list" can be different for each child, or the same. Next, PUNISHMENTS - Sit down with your children and get a tupperware with a lid. Ask them what punishments they hate the worst. The things they hate the worst, you write on paper scraps and fold them up and put them in the tupperware. The more they hate it, the more times you put it in the tupperware: EG. soap in mouth, time out, taking away TV, etc. Then, when it is time to punish them, they have to go and pull their own punishment out of the tuupperware. They "pick their own poison" and I have found that the punishments are much more effective this way.

Try this for a while. It doesn't happen overnight, but if you stick with it, it may help. Also, do not threaten your children. When you say that you are going to punish them, make sure that you follow through or else they are going to think that it is all just idle threats. When you say, "No," make sure they understand that you mean it.

Hope this helps!

You are not going to be able to change all of these behaviors overnight. It will stress you out further and the kids too. You can't swallow an elephant whole you need to go one bite at a time. I would choose one behavior to work on i.e. one snack between meals and tell them that is the new policy and then just be firm on that one new thing until they get it however long that takes. When you've got that down then pick the next thing that is driving you crazy. Tell the kids what the new rule is and then be consistent with it. It will be hard work but worth while. It will also be much easier to work slowly one thing at a time.

Whoa! I though I was reading my own life for a sec. Create a structured schedule;set the ground rules; and STICK to it!! Yes, it's exhausting because you don't stick to it therefore they are creating more and more messes for YOU to deal with. You have to be strong!!! It's hard and at times I felt like satan but I tough it out and it gets easier. But you can never let up or you'll be back to square one. If you don't get to check your email for a couple of days, so be it. If they refuse to comply, they don't deserve ballet, cartoons, cheezballs,etc. You have to hit them where it hurts right back! And yes, you will feel like it's punishing you as well. Deal with it! You are the boss!!! You are fine!!!Being a SAHM is THE hardest job in the world. But you are doing it and that says volumes about your good character. This may help~a SAHM is worth 70-80 Thousand dollars a year!!!Focus on that and do your job to the best of your ability. You're a good mom having completely normal feelings...This too shall pass. Be Strong!!!!

Wow - I am sorry you are having such a rough time. It sounds like there are several issues going on - you feel like there is a lack of order, the kids are not listening, and there is no structure to their meals and snacks. It definitely sounds like they have taken control of you and it should not be - you are the mom - you are in charge!!! It will take some time to turn things around I imagine. What about starting with just one issue - like meals and snacks. Establish a schedule for regular meals and regular snacks - hang it up on the wall - don't deviate. Have them eat at a table - no tv! Ban food from anywhere but the kitchen and dining room. They will moan and cry but stay strong! Come up with a list of healthy snack ideas (with some occasional treats) with them and post it. Then let them choose which of those snacks they want. When snack time is over - no food again until the next meal except water. You can also work with them to come up with meal ideas. There are lots of kids cookbooks - it might be a fun activity for them. As for discipline - I feel your pain with my 3.5 year old. The only thing that has worked for her is immediate, decisive, consistent punishment - no warnings, requests, or backing down. We take away her favorite things - tv or snuggle time before bed - that gets her attention. Its hard to say no and make her cry - but she has learned slowly. You really have to make them a little miserable and show them who is in charge!

Parenting is so hard - we are all just trying to do the best we can - hang in there and keep working at making things the way you want them!

Hey I completely sympathize, sometimes when things have been going a certain way for awhile it can be hard to shake things up.
Something we've found useful is a list of household rules that we came up with together that we wrote up and put where all can see it and a daily chore chart for each of the children so that they know what they have to do and when they have to do it. We operated on a demerit/reward system. For every item that they completed on the chore chart they would get a star (could be something as simple as getting dressed on time, etc.) for every rule broken on the rule chart they would lose a star. On the bottom of the star chart was the bartering system for the stars, three stars might equal 1 hour of television, or special time cooking with mom. I have noticed that when we eliminate alot of food dyes/sugar from our kids diets that they are also much more attentive and in control of themselves. Hope this helps, good luck.

I would do this:

For two weeks, drop all activities for yourself and your children. Stay home with them. Put yourself in a very simple routine, for example, monday laundry, tuesday clean bathrooms, etc. I would have the two girls (6, 3 since the older one is probably in school) follow me around all day and help me with whatever I am doing. If it takes all day to wash and fold laundry, that's what we do. In between, they can help me make meals, we can read books and spend time together etc. I would make it very simple, only about day to day being at home and caring for a family.

I would tell them upfront what was going on and every time they fussed, there would be a consequence. You choose what that may be. I would make it clear that the proper response to my request is, "okay Mommy" or "yes Mommy" or after I do something for them, "thank you mommy" (sometimes as I hand them a drink I say, "thank you mommy" to teach them the proper response when someone does something for you)

This is what some people call "tomato-staking" as in if you stake a tomato plant too late (well before it starts to droop) you produce no fruit. But if you stake it early it grows strong and tall and produces much fruit.

So stake those sweet children, show them what mommy does for them all day, teach them that a family is many parts that work together for the good of one unit. My 4 yr old loves to help with dinner, sets the table himself, fills all our glasses with water, etc. My 2 1/2 yr old loves to empty the dishwasher and feed the cats. They both "help" Daddy on the weekends with projects.

Children need to be taught how to respond, they don't know how to do this naturally. So take a deep breath, I am sure you are a wonderful mommy, and spend some time with them instead of running them all over. Get to know them and tie heart strings from their heart to yours so when they are teenagers they will not drift away . . .

Good luck! :o)

Sounds like a ZOO. I hate to say it but consistency is the key. You have got to sit them down and have a family meeting. Make the rule changes and schedule official that way. Let them know you mean business and there will be rewards for good cooperative behaviours and consequences for breaking rules and being rowdy.
Then ENFORCE the rules and be CONSISTENT. Seriously stick to this for a couple of weeks no matter how horrible you feel or they act. Hopefully they will get the message and straighten up.
I too find it hard to stick w/ it and be motivated. I feel defeated before I start. Just keep in mind what Nanny would do and do that. Good luck.

K., you lost control one piece at a time. don't attempt to regain it all at once..try one step at a time. For instance, this week start with now more eating in front of the TV. If you want to eat, come sit at the table. If they don;t sit, they don't eat. ENFORCE that rule before creating another one. The kids wont feel overwhelmed by the new rule making and you wont feel like you can't enforce it. The key is you MUST enforce it no matter what or they will know that you are not serious. They will not starve to death the first time or two that they refuse and if they come to the table and then try to take the food to the TV area, stop them and ask them to make the choice, TV or food, but not both. Enforcing this one rule will give you more confidence to impose others and they will get the signal loud and clear that you are serious about this and when you choose another rule to enforce they will figure it out pretty quickly. Let me know how it goes..

It sounds like you need to STOP being their maid. I noticed my two children ages 3 and 5 have done this sort of thing every once in a while. However, they don't do it constantly. They know if they make a big enough mess I pull out the vacuum or whatever and make them clean it up,or we don't get to do the fun things we had planned for the day. It is hard at first but if you just have to stand your ground and be consistent they will stop.

My kids think I have absolutely nothing to do all day but make them food, snacks, and chocolate/strawberry milk as well clean and do laundry. So we are sort of in the same boat there.

As for eating in front of the TV, well I let mine eat breakfast, snacks and lunch in front of the TV. But they do eat meals. They are not allowed to snack all day. Believe me they have tried. I tell them that they have to have some type of meal before they have a snack. I also offer several suggestions for breakfast and lunch. Dinner is my call. And if they don't try at least two bites they go to bed hungry. No ifs, ands or buts about it!

Also, I tell them that if they make a huge mess they will not be allowed to eat in the living room. By they way the only two rooms my kids are allowed to eat in are the kitchen and the family room. Otherwise I would be cleaning up crumbs from every nook and cranny of my house as well.

There is a book that tells you how to have boundaries with kids. Funny thing is I bought it a year or so ago and haven't exactly gotten all the way through it yet but it might be an alternative to calling in Super Nanny. The book it called "Boundaries with Kids" and is written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

Hope this helps.

L. S.

It sounds like you've given up control. YOU ARE THE PARENT. No matter how much they complain, set rules and FOLLOW UP. It may seem like a hassel but you show them consistency in rules and discipline it will help you feel less overwhelmed. Super Nanny has a book which is great, but it won't do anything unless you apply yourself. Be the parent, set meal times at the table (with or without your husband) and limit the snacks. Grazing may seem okay now but it is a dangerous eating habit to get into...it will eventually catch-up with them. And as for rolling her eyes, tell her that that is disrespectful and she will lose privledges if she does it. Your husband may have a demanding job, but he needs to meet his family demands and obligations to you. If he is off on the weekends, maybe he can help prep meals for the week, do some laundry. If money is not an issue get some help. I too am a 38 year old SAHM with two boys 4 & 7. My husband also has a demanding job and is domestically challenged. So I am the chauffer, chef, maid, and laundress. I help with homework, carpool (school, piano & karate), PTO, do the landscaping, home repairs, decorator, bill paying budget keeper, tax preparer...I am a domestic goddess who is also taking 2 college classes! But my husband knows I was overwhelmed. So now we have a housekeeper come once every two weeks to clean the house and change the beds and give me a break. I also started taking classes so I could have me time and regain the self that I lost. Be the CEO of your family. There are lots of web sites, Super Nanny's book is pretty straight forward to. But all of them will take follow through and commitment from you and your husband (whether he is there or not). Good luck.

I am a SAHM of four whose husband's schedule can be long also. You sound overwhelmed. Take a look around and see if there some things you can just cut loose. Maybe simpler meals, fewer choices for everyone (esp. in the food dept.). Sometimes I overwhelm myself with more because I am trying to hard to exert control. Make the kids pitch in, they can do more then you think, even the three year old can clear her dishes and empty little trash cans. You don't have to do it all alone even if your husband is at work.
If you ever want to talk let me know.
D.

As the mother, you set the tone of how your house will run. I believe organization, persistence, prayer, and tone will set the way. Help your family realize that you a woman and not a machine and you aare the only woman in the home and if they can not give respect, they can not get their wishes met.
When I am upset, I have the tendncy to raise my voice, which is of no effect and reaps the same from those around me. But if I take a deep breath, speak slow and clear. My point gets across. Think about the consequences and rewards you will set up for your family and if they momic the ones they wil get in the real world.
Then practice what you preach in public!
May God bless your household!

I am in the same boat as you. I have a 7 year old daughter and 10 year old son. My daughter is the worse of the two. I have threatened them with Super Nanny too. My main problem is the not listening and the talking back. My husband and I are looking for a class/course on being respectful and using manners. I welcome any suggestions too!

Hi K.,

Call Super Nanny. You need help and need it now.

You need a vacation. Do you have family that you can leave the children with and take a few days off?

There is a parenting group that you can write to:

http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

and each community have Child and Family Services that I am sure they offer parenting classes.

Have you thought about putting your 3 year old in play school 1/2 days 2 or 3 times a week to get you through the learning that you need to get things in order.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

Dear K.,
I feel your pain, I have seven myself. It seems to me that you should create a set of rules. Above all else, BE CONSISTANT! They have to know that if they don't follow the rules, there will be strict consequences. You cannot give even an inch, when they are testing your limits. You are the boss..regardless. I know this advice may seem easier said than done, but it is do-able. Good luck, hang in there. Angie