My Kids Are Driving Me CRAZY!

My children are 3 and 5 and I deal with this every time I go to the store. The younger one is my problem. He then feeds his sister and makes her misbehave. I have started leaving one of them home with my husband when possible. I have actually told my son that until he learns to behave at the store, he will not be going. My daughter learned early that I am not going to put up with it. Apparently I lightened up with my son without realizing it.

Maybe it's a boy thing. I have tried one walking on each side of the cart. That works for about 10 minutes. I put him in "time out" where he has to sit in the cart while I shop. Then I look like the crazy woman too because all he wants to do is cry and I tell him to go ahead that it doesn't bother me.

He is slowly learning and getting better. Boy do I stress SLOWLY. If I take him by himself, he is generally good as gold with the typical 3 year old Mommy can I get this, Mommy can I get that.

This is why I try very very hard to only run errands alone while they are at school, or hopefully with only one kid.

One approach is to head to the store with tasks for each of them. 6 yo can be in charge of the list, crossing things off and announcing what to look for. 9 yo can help compare and check prices, ingredients and such, help determine what's the right purchase. Maybe if they are busy enough they'll refrain from fighting.

I have heard the book Siblings Without Rivalry, by Faber and Mazlish, is an excellent resource. I haven't read that one, but I expect the authors would do a great job. Their book How to Listen So Kids Will Talk, and Talk So Kids Will Listen, is the absolute best, easiest, and most practical parenting book I've ever used, and I've read a bunch. I'd recommend that one, too.

My boys are the same! My first line of defense is to physically separate them as much as possible. At the grocery store, they have to stay on opposite sides of the cart, or one by me and one in front of cart. If they can't stay apart and get too crazy, they take turns getting items from the shelves. If they still need incentive to behave, then I warn them I am going to start assigning extra chores. They usually are very cooperative by the time they get to 2 extra chores! I try to speak as calmly as possible, while still being firm:

"I'm glad you enjoy each other's company so much and are getting along. You may talk and laugh, but with an indoor voice. Keep hands to yourselves...Since you can't keep your hands to yourselves and your voices down, you are not allowed to stand by each other. You now get to stay on opposite sides of the cart. What are the rules?...Since you can't control yourselves, you can stay busy by helping me get items from the shelves. What are the rules?...You are being disrespectful and taking my energy. Since you have so much energy, you get to do an extra chore at home. What are the rules?...Now you get 2 extra chores. What are the rules?

Doesn't always work, but does most of the time. It's sad, but sometimes I just dread taking the kids out together. But sometimes they surprise me and we have a nice outing. As long as they aren't fighting (the keep your hands to yourself part usually refers to tickling and play fighting) I try to keep my frustration down by reminding myself that it's a good thing they like each other and there are worse problems to have :)

And just for the record, I would check the law before following DVMMOM's advice to leave the kids alone in the car by themselves. That just sounds like a recipe for disaster, even if it is legal!

I would remind them before you set out how you expect them to behave. Then when the shenanigans start, I would probably usher them out of the store pronto, get down so you can look them in the eye, and with a low voice and through gritted teeth, YOU ARE NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT ANYMORE. Let them know, very firmly and very seriously, enough is enough - if they can't behave in the store, they can sit the rest of the time in the car. I know I will probably get a lot of flack for suggesting that, but seriously - they are old enough to know better and they are old enough to hang out in the car together for a short while. You might have to also just keep one home and only take one with you out shopping if possible - and if they protest, just say, hey, if you guys can't behave together, then you don't get to go out together.

ETA: Okay, maybe not leave them in the car alone - but let them sit in there with you standing outside until they realize that you mean business. Sorry, I just don't have any patience for monkey business like that in a store. If they can behave themselves in church and everywhere else, they can behave there too.

Hi, Mom:

When you discipline your children at
home, it sounds like you don't enforce
your rules.
Anyway, what are your rules? Have you
sat down with them and written out
the rules on paper?
Do that first.
Then talk with them about what the consequences
would be.

Teach them that your word is law.
Good luck.
D.

I soooo know what you mean except mine are girls ages 11 and 5. Good Luck

Police were called to Target when a man locked his kids in the car for misbehaving. He was outside the door and he had spanked them. They had to go to court. I would advise against this since people call 911 for this.

I swear I have thought about posting this exact same problem myself!! I'm not sure I really have answers, but I definitely have the same problem sometimes. Seems like it goes through phases.

The only thing I can say that has helped (at times)--besides doing my best to run errands with one or neither, which isn't always possible--is doing my best to be preventative. By that I mean, before going out, review specific expected behavior (and behavior to avoid). Giving them jobs when possible (if they're into that), as someone else suggested. Letting them bring one toy/game/book each to keep them busy. Again, I find these things help, but aren't foolproof. Wish I had the real answer because I sure do find I have this problem sometimes!