My Kids Are 3 & 1/2 Yrs Apart in Age and Are Constantly at Each Other

Updated on December 28, 2008
K.Z. asks from Delaplane, VA
5 answers

Need advice please. My kids are age 5 and 9, and are constantly arguing, picking on each other, saying the other is being mean, tattling, etc. They talk to each other in a way they don't talk to their friends, and they don't act this way at school. It's driving us nuts. I've tried letting them work it out themselves, putting them in time out, playing referee, telling them the right way to talk to each other. Nothing seems to work. On the other hand, I know they love each other they will cry when the other one gets hurt, and they do have some times where they actually have fun together, although fewer and fewer of these times. I need Help!!!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

This is very common. My son (7) and his cousin (5) are together constantly and tend to argue constantly. Here are some things that we try:
1. give each of them time to tell their side of a story, then decide who's right/wrong.
2. when trying to decide who goes first in something, use neutral games: draw a card, rock-paper-scissors (with their eyes closed), etc.
3. Teach them that they don't have to play together all of the time, but they have to play together nicely. When a fight breaks out, then they have to chose something different to do.
4. TRY not to play favorites. As it is in my family, the younger one ISNT always the little angel.

Good luck.
M.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from Washington DC on

K., this is mostly normal sibling behavior. Squabbling sibs has been the source of much parental frustration and comedy material for many years. It is what they do, and it is part of their social pecking order. I hate to say it, but it will get worse when they become teens, but I think that siblings who interact this much probably are closer than those who are indifferent to each other.

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K.F.

answers from Washington DC on

I agree - very normal - it does get worse with age...mine are 7 and 11 and they are better than some, but as teen years approach, they are getting more and more independent and want their own space - they don't play well together, so we have to tell them to have structured activities because they will either get too rowdy or start bickering....if it gets serious, they will be punished, until they learn about their behavior and consequences....we just have to remain consistent....when they get too rowdy, we separate them...then they can play together again when they are ready and calm. Sounds like you are doing well - sometimes kids just need their mom to tell them how they are supposed to behave...such as when my daughter starts getting an attitude - I stop her and ask her how she could have said it better....then it makes her think about it and decide how to proceed....this helps shaping her cognitive behavior....good luck!!

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S.W.

answers from Norfolk on

Welcome to motherhood. They will always do that. My youngest are 4 1/2 years apart and did that.

good luck

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

K. ~

One of the very best parenting resources I have found for help in raising respectful, responsible kids is the Love & Logic philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, M.D. The techniques offered by this program are simple, practical, and above all, can be used immediately by parents. It honest-to-God works!

Go to their website to find out more:

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Local libraries often carry many of the volumes written by Jim Fay. The best time you will ever spend on your parenting skills is if you can attend a live seminar with Jim Fay! He is really terrific in person!

Good luck - though with Love and Logic, you will have skills and useful techniques that will make parenting less stressful and more fun!

C.

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