My Husbands Friend Makes Me Uncomfortable

I think it's okay to share personal stuff with a friend, whether it's the husband or the wife doing the sharing...but your husband really picked a winner (i.e., loser) to befriend. Your husband needs to choose which relationship is more important to him, the one with his wife or with some idiot at work. And you are right, this guy is creepy and disrespectful of women--he is a Toxic Person. Let tonight happen how it may, don't disinvite him and his family, but make sure you exercise good boundaries and do not lose your cool. If he says something inappropriate to you, ask him what men like that hate to have to answer: "Why would you say that?" or "What makes you feel you need to say that to me?" Make sure you do not make future plans with him and his wife, they sound like a package deal...I don't see any way you could maintain a normal friendship with his wife, because he'd always be the center of it and your instincts are telling you to distance yourself and your family from him. Keep on listening to your instincts, they are there for a reason.

One of my closest friends has a nasty husband too. I had to finally stand up to him. I told him, CALMLY, to shut up and to not open his mouth again until he can act like a man. It WORKED!!! Why should you be sweet and nice and let him walk all over you! Tell him that if he can't respect you, he should get out of your house!

As for your hubby thinking you are overreacting...ask him if it would be okay for this man to touch your body inappropriately because THAT is what his WORDS are doing! This "man's" words are inappropriate and they are affecting you. He NEEDS to stand up to you. My guess is that he doesn't want to be badgered by this guy.

I agree with Catie D. on how she said to exercise boundaries but not lose your cool. That is GREAT advice!

my ex hubby had a friend like that..i finally put my foot down and said he was no longer allowed in my house.you need to have a strong serious talk with your hubby about this man and stand firm.good luck

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I think this issue is much more than just the nasty man - there is a real problem with your husband not being willing to stop this man in his tracks.
I believe it is time the two of you found a really good family/maraige cousalor and tried to find some help.
I personally don't think either of you should be sharing intamate stories with anyone - except with a doctor or counselor and then only if you both agree.
I think this whole problem is much bigger than you are going to be able to fix by asking us on this board - please try to get professional help - try to work this out - without the respect and suport of each other you will not be able to give your children what they need.

The creep likes to feel powerfull around you. Don't give him the power, don't even let him see that he gets you mad.Don't let him punch your buttons. If you do he wins.
You say knock it off or come up with a comment like, i don't know where your hands have been.
As for your hubby, I think he is pushing his buttons to get him to talk (maybe brag) about the sex.
gook luck to you.

i would have said to that guy about your sex life was""" wow maybe you needed some tips for your sex life since my husband feels ours is that good"" and than walk away!!! as long as you keep on your toes and give it back to him he'll stop...it's like an older brother picking on the younger brother. don't let him see that he gets to you...that's what he wants. so just fight back with slams!!! he'll get the point!!!

i dont think you are being stupid. i think you have a genuine feeling, and you shouldnt have to ignore that. sometimes we just have instincts about people.

what you need to do is talk to your husband, not be mad at him. as long as this guy doesnt change YOUR husband into a pig, you shouldnt have a problem with your husband hanging out with him. BUT that does NOT mean that you have to put up with him. and you should tell your husband that. you extend the same respect; you dont force him to interact with your girlfriends especially if theres one he doesnt like. so that respect should go your way too. especially with your children. your husband can talk to the guy, whatever, but to force you to entertain with him around.... thats just not gonna fly. and without blaming your husband, he really has to know that its not something you are comfortable doing. LOL

good luck!

I would just tell your husband that you don't care to spend any time around this guy. If your husband wants to stay friends with him, they can go out for lunch or something that doesn't involve you and your kids.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with a creep like that. The fact that he is disrespectful, rude and eww just gross is bad enough, but the fact that your husband isn't understanding to your feeling is what makes the situation bad. Your husband may like being friends with him, but that doesn't mean you have to be. Just cause your friends with his wife doesn't mean you have to deal with him. You and your husband need to talk about why this person is being let in to your relationship by your husband. I say it like that since it seems your husband is speaking to him about things that should be personal between you two. I have met a few people that my husband knew a long time ago that gave me a creepy feeling. I was cordial but didn't have to worry about interacting with them continuously. As for tonite, you can just ignore him or you can be cordial (not friendly) but if he does speak to you inappropriatly at all, let him know. Just cause he's in your home doesn't mean you have to let him be rude. Seriously, you shouldn't have to deal with someone that makes you have to be on guard all the time around him. That's just creepy. The fact that he ever brought up your sex life with you should have made your husband question what this guy maybe wanted from you?????? Enjoy your other guests. Don't let him ruin your fun. Hope you figure it out.

It is hard when you don't like your husband's friends... I know, my husband has a few of them I want nothing to do with also. It sounds like this man is a real jerk thinking he is being cute and macho and as long as your husband doesn't start imatating him, there isn't much you can do but ignore him if he is around. I know you can insist that he be out of your life and that hubby doesn't bring him over, but that doesn't make your marriage a partnership and let's be honest, we would be so ticked off if our husband would insist on us giving up one of our friends he doesn't like. That said, your husband should "man up" and tell this guy to cool it around you. He also should keep quiet about private matters, just as you should. They always say women talk to girl friends and gossip more, but that isn't true, guys talk as much or more then we do, especially if they feel reason to brag. Chances are the guys remarks about your sexlife are stemming from Jealousy, a macho jerk can't have a good sex life since it is caring and giving that makes a woman react and enjoy it... so if he says something again just ignore him or say "I can't believe you could be so insensitive saying that"

As far as his daughter going trick or treating with your daughter, please be tolerable if the girls are friends and it sounds like his wife needs you as a friend also. You don't want them to pay for your dislike of this man.

People grab hands of babies, it is a natural reaction when you see a baby and start talking with them. I understand the fear especially with swine flu around. With your already obvious dislike of this man and then you telling him not to touch your daughter's hand, no matter how nice you said it will come across as "don't touch my daughter!" and his reaction may have been rude, but not unusual when someone is feeling disliked after all how would you have handled it had it been one of the female or other male office workers who grabbed your daughter's hand? My suggestion would be to keep some antibacterial wipes handy and use them on her little hands when someone grabs her hand.

I've had a few of those--people who are difficult for me to even be in the same room with--and over the years I have created enormous personal growth by looking at MY end of the discomfort. Why is it that I am getting myself upset when this other person is just walking around on the planet, living his/her life in the way that they see fit? If you can overcome your discomfort--and I mean dissolve it, not squelch it--then you will never be troubled by this kind of person again. No one can "make you uncomfortable." We make ourselves uncomfortable because of what we think and believe about the situation. Once you are clear about your piece of it, there may be things you decide to say to the guy or boundaries you want to set--but first, look at yourself. Good luck! It's quite a journey.

Since your husban is not going to give up his friendship I would just ignore him. My husband had a friend like that and when he crossed the line I would let him know and walk away after awhile he got the hint and we would just ingnore each other at these functions. Also, holding a childs hands wether they put them in their mouths or not is not a germy thing. She would pick up more germs from picking at her toys or touching things as her toys, a set of keys, her car seat etc. Your child needs to be exposed to these irrevelate germs so she can build up her tolerance for them. The more germ free you make your living enviroment the more the chance your child will get sicker than other children. Unless a person has a cold or flu don't panice about it.

So how did halloween go?