My Husband Wants to Try for Number 3

I think that whomever wants another baby wins. If the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak, you'd be ready to divorce him! There is ALWAYS enough room and love in a family for another child, and somehow, the money takes care of itself. Babies are only little for a little while- think of the whole rest of your lives together. Clearly (I looked at your website-soooo cool!!), you are a mom who loves her children- you'll be great with 2 OR 3! I am a mom of 1 who wants another and we've been around and around (both of us) about how much it'll cost- financially and emotionally- for us to have another. Knowing what I know about myself-and transposing that to your husband- it's not fair if 'no more kids' wins. There's nothing that can make up for that - not enough jewels in the world makes up for what another child brings to a family. Just my opinion- good luck traveling down whatever road you and your family choose!
C.

If you're not ready, I would not get pregnant yet. A baby is something you both have to want. It sounds like you're concerned with your career, and I can't blame you. My oldest will be 25 years old. I also have a 5-year old as this is my second marriage. My hubby wanted a third child, but I refuse to work full-time and cart two children to daycare. It would not be fair to them or me as I would not be able to provide the quality time. If I hit the lottery tonight, I'd have a baby in a heart-beat--LOL. I could then spend the needed time with my children and afford to provide adequetly for all of us.My hubby does 50/50, for the most part with me. He is beginning to learn the financial responsiblity as we've had to have daycare, and are now at the school-age level. We've discussed it, and I am lucky that he can understand and has agreed to get a vasectomy.

If I were you, I would wait at least another year before making any choices.

Hi. I dont know what to tell you. I am in the opposite predictament. I want another baby, not right now but in a couple of years and my husband is telling me no way. I just want to keep that option open, u know? I miss being pregnant and breastfeeding and all that good stuff.

Just talk to you husband, be completely open with him. Does the baby have to be now? Can he wait and see how he feels in a couple of years? Who knows maybe in 3 years u will change your mind. Let him know having a baby just isn;'t right right now. Maybe if you both compromise to bring the issue up at a later time he will understand. Good luck!

F.,

I think whoever does NOT want the baby wins. It is sooo not fair to make someone have a child they do not want to have. That is not to say they would not love that child with their whole heart. However, I have seen many families, where one parent really wanted a child, and one did not, but gave in. I have seen enough times that there is a tiny bit of resentment that festers. Maybe not toward the child, (although I've seen it many times where they are good to the 'unwanted' child but the first one or two are clearly the 'favorite') but toward the spouse. YOU are the one who has to go through the pregnancy, delivery, and breastfeeding (if you choose that). So, in my book, YOU make the final call on this one. Pregnancy does carry risks, as well. How do you know this time that you would not be on bedrest? Are you prepared for that much of a sacrifice? It may be unlikely but it could happen.

Could you put him off for a year or two and agree to reevaluate your feelings? Could you look into adoption? I would enjoy a daughter, too, but not enough to go through antoher pregnancy/delivery - I almost died having my son and I feel my first priorty is to him, not risking my life for another. So I do know my opinion is colored by my experience. I completely enjoy being auntie to my niece and my friends little girls. Great website BTW.

i totally understand you. i have twins and i don't think i'd ever get pregnant again. i want a boy so bad but i guess not that bad because i cannot see myself surviving through another 'toddlerhood.' i am still trying to survive this one times two.
so i guess my advice would be to tell him that you'd rather enjoy the two you have than have another one while the other are still lil. i don't think he'd get mad. maybe disappointed but he'll come around
vlora

I'm with you. I don't think you are being selfish. I think you are just being realistic. There's nothing wrong with that. My husband and I are debating on #2 so I know how you feel and trust me, you look better than I do (I saw your website). Nice artwork. I think you should explain the merits of 2 kids - expense, time, ability to be a more mobile family. And there is so much more work put towards the mother - even if your husband is a great dad. Good luck. W.

Oh my....Often I hear it the other way around. Your reasons aren't selfish...they are very reasonable, and you are thinking about that thisrd child's well being. In our lives we are blessed with being able to plan families. When it is an accident, that is one thing, but sacrificing yourself to have a child you aren't interested in creating right now is another. You are not ready. No doubt that if you did have no. 3, you would love him/her. But that child's life could be so much better if you waited. if it were me in the situation, I would tell my husband that it's not a 'no', it's just 'not now'. That is what we both told people who kept asking us about when we were going to have kids. Originally, we never wanted children, but with time, our minds changed. Maybe yours will, but maybe it won't. Ask your husband to give you time to feel ready again, and if you do feel ready you'd be happy to try. But let him know that it is possible that you will never feel ready. You are not telling him 'definitely not'...you are just telling him 'definitely not now...let's see what time has in store.

Dear Fancia:
Is your husband aware of where the genetic factor comes from that determines boy or girl during a pregnancy? Maybe talking to him about the X. Y. Chromosome thing would allow him to realize that maybe a little girl is not in the cards for you.
You are not being selfish to not want to go through the whole pregnancy, birth, nurse, get your body back routine. You are happy raising the two wonderful Children that you have, they are both boys so your future is going to get rough around age 14.
It seems to me that between raising your children and doing your other work (your website is lovely I wish I had had it when my son was younger), you have a full-time + job.
The fact that you utilize the word sacrifice referring to having another child is your own answer. Nothing in marriage or bringing up children should feel like a sacrifice. If it does...RUN...
Try explaining to your husband that you are happy where the 4 of you are at in your life and you do not wish to change the family dynamic at this time. Be diplomatic. Try to help him understand the women's issues that come with having a child. Especially the low self esteem that comes when you are no longer carrying the child in your womb but on your hip, even though you still carry the post baby weight. This type of thing works on most women's self-esteem.
You seem to be a strong woman and sure of what you want in life. You need to let him know that.
If that doesn't work, try sharing my brothers story with him. My brother was married to the same woman for 17 years, they had 4 girls within 4 years trying for that 1 boy. The stressors led to divorce, my brother then had a child with wife #2 and also had a girl. My 1st sister-in-law is still raising 4 girls, my brother is involved in their lives as much as the girls will allow him to be. Because he left and they are now grown all have hit 21 but the youngest, they resent his leaving even more as he is now on wife #3 who has 3 boys of her own. They feel left out because he always wanted a boy and they feel he basically has a new family now one he always wanted. This is not the case he loves his girls with all his heart, but they can only see that he finally has his boys.
I don't know if this will help or not, but sometimes you have to just hold on for the ride and let your true feelings be known before you have 4 boys and well...I will pray for you if that is OK with you.
Hugs,
J.

easy advise .... talk to your husband and tell him exactly what you told us

No your reasons aren't selfish. But his are. Kids are ALOT of work.

If he really wants another child, consider taking in a foster child for awhile.

we were in the same boat...so to speak...my husband was pushing for another baby and i said i really wasn't feeling it since i just started working outside the home again and are oldest was just starting kindgarden so i bought him a puppy...it work for about three months then of course my birth control didn't work and we had baby number this in september...so no matter what you say or plan if it happens it happens...i am glad it did i love having three it is alot harder then too but my rewards are so great .... i do miss working (at a job) but love being mom...mom of three 5,3,3months.

"Sacrificing for him might only cause you to feel resentful. I really believe that in a marriage decisions should be joint. I had the opposite situation of yours. I "talked" my husband into baby no.3. We had two boys and yes, we did have a girl. Of course, we have not regretted it (she is now 17); however, having said that....three children DOES tie you down quite a bit more than three. The logistics are not as easy, cost of daycare, etc. All of these things have to be factored in. Of course, after you "factor" in anything go with your gut feeling. As the mom in the family, you probably know best.

2 parents = 2 children
2 parents < 3 children
When in doubt do nothing