My Husband Never Has Anything Nice to Say to My Daughter

Have you tried counseling? I also would like to hear more about what you consider normal child behavior. He may be overcompensating (expecting her to act like an adult) because you are not disciplining enough. Arguing with an adult is grounds for discipline in my books. I also think maybe some parenting classes together & reading some parenting books might be in order for both of you before you throw in the towel...

You might want to also have them spend a little time together by themselves at the park or a trip to have icecream so that they can have some bonding time.

I also have a daughter that is 8 and nothing is more important to me than my child and no one should expect a child to act or talk like an adult. I think you are scarring the child more staying with him than to leave him.

It sounds like you love your daughter very much, and concerned for her well being.
If someone started putting my child down verbally, and would not stop...
I would leave :( You cannot take away those scars, and she will rebel and do self harm if she is rejected and put down continually. Her life will be toast, with a male figure who behaves like that.
If he truly loves you both, he will go to family counseling and do the work necessary to make sure he is not injuring her emotionally.

Talk with him about counseling and see how he responds......
So sorry you are going through this! It can't be easy.

I'm sorry you and your daughter have to go through this. How awful for your 7 year old to live with someone who is waiting for her to make a mistake so he can pounce on her. Of course this will scar her emotionally!

There is nothing you can do to "fix" things. What your husband is doing is cruel, to both you and your daughter and you can't change him, only he can decide to change. If he won't change, then you have to decide on how best to protect your daughter and make sure she grows up in a home with love and respect.

I'm sorry but honestly I would leave him. Don't you think you'll be crushed even harder if later on down the road you have a child with him and you see him treating his biological child completely different? And I'm sure your daughter will see the difference too. She should always come first and if you think it's that bad, kick him to the curb. There are better men out there that will love you both equally and not be crazy control freaks. I'll suggest counseling to but I cant honestly stand behind it. I'd get out before it got any worse. Imagine how rough he is on her when your not there. I had 3 step mothers growing up. The first with munchousim syndrome (sp) sry, The second with 2 kids that were always treated better than me, and the third was just crazy. She was extremely jealous of how close me and my Dad are. She tried everything to push me out of the picture. Going as far as to tell my father I was doing drugs and attempted to ship me off to military school. While my Dad was at work my second mother would make me do all the cleaning while her and her kids sat on the couch watching t.v. and when my Dad would come home she'd tell him I was bad all day. This relationship didn't end well. They finally divorced after she beat me black and blue for saying F.you I hate you. Did I mention I was in the pool and almost drown. You gotta watch people like that. My Dad sometimes suspected a problem but he caught it to late. I'll never recover emotionally and i've had a fear of water ever since. My Dad loved them all. And even though it was hard he still stood by me and told them to get the hell out. You gotta do What's best for her. Hope this helps.

Did he act like this before you married and moved in? If so...why did you marry him? I'm truly not asking this to be mean, I'm really not! However, it's something you need to ask yourself. What is it you actually love about him? How does he treat you? Is he kind to you? Is he helpful around the house? Does he encourage you and make you laugh? Do you enjoy being around him? Was he convenient? Did he fill a void? Was he good enough, at the time? I have a feeling when you begin to ask yourself why you married him and what you like, or don't like about him...you might find you didn't marry him for the best reasons. I'm not saying this to harp on you, but I'm just trying to be honest and help you.

A husband should NOT come first, when he is mistreating a child. You are your child's advocate. He is cruel to her and nothing is good enough. She will be harmed more by being around him, then being taken away from him. I have a feeling she would be more happy, actually. If she is arguing with him she does NOT have respect and regard for him. And...he doesn't deserve it. I'm not normally someone who advocates divorce...but this relationship is not healthy and he does not want a child. This much is obvious. You and your child deserve better then a fill in man...which is what he sounds like. You clearly love your daughter and want the best for her. I think you already know what to do, and I hope everyone here confirms it, and gives you confidence to move forward without him.

I second what 1little1 said. Think about your daughter before your husband

Was he like this before you got married? If so, I don't know what to say. If he's just at a loss because he doesn't know how to parent and is overwhelmed now that it's "official", then I'd try to find family counseling that can help with parenting. If he's not willing to sacrifice being "right" or "in charge" to save his family, than you need to tell him that you won't sacrifice your daughter.

Your daughter comes first always. She is a child and you have a responsibility to raise her in a loving, nuturing environment. This is the only chance you have to do that. He will either participate in that or he should leave. But you've said that he feels you don't back him and you think his expectations of your daughter are too high so it sounds like you disagree on parenting style. Can the two of you meet with a family counselor to discuss your differences in parenting style and reach compromises on what household rules should be? If you eventually have children together, you will need to face and resolve these differences and if she doesn't have a dad in her life, this is her chance to have a 2 parent family as well. Having been a single mom with one child, I know that the pro is that the relationship that forms is close (you and me against the world) - and yet the con is the role of parent and child gets blurred more often. If you do not expect her to be an adult, than why give her an adult voice in the household? Of course, you cannot turn your daughter's world upside down overnight, but I think you and your husband could work with a counselor on developing a shared parenting style and then the best way to transition your daughter to that. I also think it would be a good idea for her to have outings with just you so you can reinforce the special bond between you two and outings with just him so that he can develop a daddy- daughter bond with her. My husband and I did not marry until my daughter was in college because the relationship between them was strained and thought I was putting her first. I do have regrets though, that I did not try harder to work on their relationship. You are already married and it sounds like your husband has a willingness to listen as he has participated in family discussions and spousal discussions. See if a professional can facilitate those discussions and help you blend this family in a loving way. If he is as committed to your daughter as he is to you (which he needs to be) and if you are truly open to him growing into the role of her father, maybe you guys can make this work. I will pray for you, too.

You need to be completely honest with him. If he cannot act like an adult and man, while allowing a child to act a child - then you will file for divorce. He needs to be reminded HE is the adult, not your child. I doubt things will get better - but if he's trying after this conversation, maybe family therapy should be considered.

If you want to try to make it work, you guys need to find a good family counselor. Ultimately, your daughter should be your first priority. Do what you need to do to protect her and create a positive environment for her.

It sounds like you are a good mom to worry about your daughter. I would definitely leave your husband. The damage he is doing to your child is irreparable. Leave now before he scars her and messes up her self-image. If your husband is putting her down and arguing with her all the time like you say then you need to take your child out of that situation. I know that divorce is not easy but you have to be selfless and put your child first.

Daughter comes first...so whatever that means....family counseling, divorce, etc.

Can you get him to read a book on parenting or child development or even watch a bunch of kids playing so he can see she is just acting like a regular (and sometimes annoying) kid? I'd talk to him and see if he is willing to try counseling if this is your main issue. If he isn't willing to try and make changes then it is time to consider leaving.

Children come first!! He is the grown up and she is the child, so he needs to act the part and not expect her to. Not having a father around is hard enough for a child, but having one that's not caring and compassionate is even worse, especially for girls. She will grow up mirroring her relationship with him in all her future relationships with men (not good). Do yourself and your daughter a huge favor by making the right changes for you both. You are responsible for her upbringing and you need to make healthy decisions for her so she can make those same decisions throughout her life.
Good luck

If your daughter loves this man then you should try everything you can to make the situation better rather than losing a second father figure. I was in a similar situation and regret that I didnt try hard enough to change things. I couldnt get my husband to admit he was no expert in child development (he had met children before!) Tell your husband using I sentences I feel so upset I feel so worried (not you are... you say...etc) then get him to a family a counselor! Make him read books about child development (again do not sound accusing say WE need help in deciding what is normal behavior for a child this age, and we need to agree ahead of time on rules, consequences, etc. Watch a few Super nanny's together maybe you can find some with a step parent and a child your daughter's age (and he will see a much worse child!) if you want to make this work it is not HIS problem it is both of yours. Does she treat him differently? is she rude to him? My daughter admitted MANY years later she took out her anger for her first father (for not being around) on her second father.So watch for that and think about counseling for her if you think she's hiding her feelings about her first father not being in the picture. Good luck, hope things can get better!

I would not say husbands come first especially when it comes to a daughter who is mine with a 'new' husband who is not her father. I would NEVER let a man disrespect my daughter, no matter how much I loved him. That happens a lot and the children are scarred for life. You have GOT to protect her, that is your job. If you feel like you could let him go, then I wonder if your relationship is not as strong as it should be to hold onto a marriage. Is he a power hungry man? Is he a man who feels women should do what he says? A lot of my answer depends on his personality. Some men you can't talk to and you can't change the way they think or act. He really may not like your daughter or may not really want her there. He may be jealous, he may have issues with her b/c she is not his and he wants to control her. I would strongly suggest counseling for all three of you and if he won't go, for sure for you and your daughter. My son is 7 1/2 and I could not imagine him 'fighting' with any adult. He is a kid! He is young and a child....a 7 year old little girl should not be worrying about a MAN being mean to her! I feel so sorry for her, you need to protect her, I don't want you to get a divorce either but you must take care of that little girl. there will be a man who WILL respect her AND YOU if he is not the man. ps/ About your comment of him being her father figure....I once heard, "it is better to be FROM a broken home than to live IN one"...keep that in mind. You could raise her by yourself emotionally healthier than having a man around that is emotionally bad for her.. Good luck!

I cant help but feel like your husband is the grown up in this situation so you should put your daughter first. Like you said, you are all she has. This is a lot of responsibility on you. Your actions now could have a huge impact on her adult life. Sounds like your husband's feelings toward her could really affect her happiness as a healthy adult. Follow your gut and your heart.

It sounds like you need some marital counseling. And as a start to salvage your marriage, start finding things to compliment your husband about, in regards to how he treats your daughter mostly, but also anything else. It is just possible that she is not being "just a child" and you need to raise your standards for her behavior. And it's probable that he needs to understand that she is not just a miniature or "short adult" and that most of her behavior is age-appropriate. But obviously, what you're doing, how your family is acting, is not working, so needs to change. Probably, he feels as if you never admire or compliment him, and only find fault with him; and as much as you can see that that is hurtful to your daughter and damaging to their relationship, you need to see the same thing about your husband and your relationship. Most men thrive on short and simple compliments or actions that demonstrate your appreciation for their actions (like bringing out a glass of cold lemonade, tea, or water, when they've been mowing the yard or working on the car). See if you can put that kind of thing to work in your own unique relationship.