My Husband Is Getting Deployed for a Year, Need Advice on My 3 Year Old.

Hi R.,
Sorry this post is a little late. I saw your question last week and had no ideas. Then today something came to me.

My husband goes out of town for work. Usually three weeks a month. Sometimes my dauhter has a hard time adjusting to him being gone and doesn't want to talk to him. I know she misses and loves him dearly so I put the phone on speaker phone and my hubby talks to her. Even if she runs out of the room (she usually comes back!) she can hear her daddy tell her he loves her.

Another thing we did was went to build a bear and my husband built her a special bear with his voice saying he loves her and will see her soon. He gave it to her the next time he left and she cherishes it. I know they have build a bear in Vegas. Maybe your hubby could find a time to make your son a bear.

Good luck and you, your family and hubby are in our prayers.

R., first of all I praise you for being the military wife that we are. What a job for us. My husband is also being deployed to Iraq in Dec for 1 year. He leaves on Monday the 15th for 1 month 1/2 for training. I have two boys one 14,20 month old. The 20 month old is attahed to my husbands neck. You're welcome to email me I would love to talk to you, if you don't mind. ____@____.com

wow, you are a great person and support for your family! My husband has just left a couple times for just a few months (and there were no kids then) and it was hard. I can't tell you for sure what will happen, but it's got to get better as he adjusts to the situation. Are you part of a moms club? I would try to give him lots of things to do and of course give him extra love and attention. I wouldn't push the phone thing too much, I'm sure he'll talk when he's ready. Good luck!

HI R.,
My husband often travels for work, last year he was gone for 6 months, so I can somewhat understand what you are going through. It is very hard on my 4 year old when her daddy is away. Like your son, she goes through spurts of refusing to talk to her dad on the phone. She also says it is because she is mad at him. I try not to force her to talk to her dad if she doesn't want to. In those cases I will put my husband on speaker phone so he can tell her that he loves her and misses her and she can hear his voice without "talking" to him.
I also make a point of telling her every night how much her daddy loves and misses her. I think at this age the kids have a really hard time understanding that the separation is not forever, it just feels that way.
Something we did that helped was to send monthly art projects to my husband, like a collage of pictures of the kids with little love messages written on it. That way the girls could show their love for daddy in a creative way and my husband would have a reminder from us that he could look at.
I really feel for you, try no to push your son to talk to his dad if he doesn't want to, I think that makes it worse on child and dad.
I don't know if I helped very much.

There was a really sweet article in Real Simple a couple of months ago about a family whose dad was gone for an extended tour of duty. One of the children was having a difficult time with it and to make a long story short she found a picture of the family all together after one of his previous tours and they were all hugging and laughing and she made multiple coppies of the picture and put them up all over the house. In the laundry room, in the kitchen, living room, hallway, etc. It opened up dialog about their dad being gone and comforted the child that was having difficulty.

I hope this helps.

R.,
I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you to your husband for protecting our wonderful country and thank you to you. As a mom I just can't imagine how hard it must be to have your husband gone for that long. You are a wonderful woman!
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
The only advice I can think of is trying to play and have your son express his feeling during play time. Does that make sense? Sometimes it is easier to talk to kids when they are somewhat distracted. Also - they can blame angry/scared etc feelings on a toy.
Good luck and THANK YOU!
D.

Hi R.!
First off-- THANK YOU!!! Thank you for making this sacrifice for the safety of our country and thanks to your husband for serving. There are no words to express the appreciation and respect that I have for both of you.
As far as your three year old goes-- I would continue to shower him with extra love and attention. But when it comes to talking to his daddy on the phone, just don't push it. Whenever he reacts negatively about your husband being gone, try to ignore it. Just direct his behavior in a different direction with a change of subject or a new activity. I think that if you just step back and wait until HE decides he wants to talk to Daddy or talk about it, you might have an easier time. Right now he's probably getting a big reaction out of you when your husband calls and he senses the tension in the air and frustrating expectations about how he should respond. It adds to his own anxieties. Talk about how much you love your husband and pray for him at night, but try to take all the pressure off of your son to speak with him or talk about him. He'll come around... Also, Shutterfly has cute "photobooks" that you can make on line with your digital pictures. Maybe you could make a special book for your son with pictures of his dad and pictures of the two of them together. Just an idea! You'll be in my prayers!