My Husband and I Aren't Getting Along

This is an old post, so I am not sure if you will get this or if it is still relevant. Reach out to your support group. Keep them close so they can help if need be.

Hi J.,

Let me say this " people only do to you what you allow them to do. You don't need to be negative but you need to stand up for yourself. If you show weakness in you personality you will endure this type of treatment not only from your husband but also from your co-workers, friends and or even relatives. Strength is not developed overnight but you can gain emotional and psychological strength from setting goals for your self and achieving them. An educational goal is a great start. We can never be too educated. There are so many opportunities for women today than say 40-50 yrs ago. You need empowerment and this will force others to show respect towards you.
In the mean while you can just tell your husband to try and express whatever it is that he needs to express, in a civil manner. Also his background could be a major factor in how he communicates to you. Sometimes people are just the way they are because they were raised that way and don’t realized that it’s the wrong way. Don’t just take any negative treatment from him without exploring ways that you need for him to treat you.
Write down what is unacceptable and what is acceptable, study them really well before you go to the next step.
Write down how you will express to him the unacceptable. Also, don’t talk over him. Listen to what he have to say first then ask him if is done before you start speaking.
There are so many different approaches for better communication. Communication is the key for a great relationship. This is needed not just for married couple but also in your career, friendships and relationship with family.
Hope you can nip this in the butt before it cause great harm to your marriage.
I can also be reach at ____@____.com

God Bless you and your family,

R.

This is one of those situations where I think, "Leave him!" but, I don't know the whole situation or how things really are with you. After being with someone who was verbally abusive and emotionally abusive I decided to leave, but it wasn't an easy decision or an easy road. It was hard on my son and myself. I would do it again, but I hesitate to tell everyone that they should leave, just because it was very hard and still is hard to be a single mom. I would say if there is anyway of getting counseling or seeking counsel at church that that would be the best route. In all things, consider the welfare of your child first. Do not allow your child hear you being belittled or disrespected. There has to be ways of communicating while fighting without having your child a witness to it. In a calm discussion, it is good for your child to see that you can resolve conflicts, but in abusively verbal fights it is no place to have a child present. I pray that you and your family come together and can get through this and won't have to resort to any kind of seperation. Take care!

Hello J.,
i totally agree with Yvette, this cycle has to be broken. i was involved in a physical, and verbal relationship for 61/2 years and my two boys saw how their dad treated me, and this is not a way for boys to grow up=thinking it is ok to treat women this way.
i believe that there is no women that deserves to be treated any less than as a princess. Which we all are.
i pray that you get the strenght and the courage to pack up your son and leave this man before it is too late. My situation was very simular, and my ex would not leave so i had to wait until he left for work one day and pack up everything i could and leave. i made sure he had no idea where we were until i could have him served with a restraining order. Please be careful and if you are afraid to leave, put your feelings aside and think about your child and how you want him to grow up.
Please let us know how things turn out.
we are all praying for you

Tell him that it is only going to hurt your son in the long run because he will end up taking after his father and being aggressive to women because he sees him doing it to you and will think it is ok. Otherwise if he doesnt stop, there is always divorce. I know its probably tough to hear that but it will be better for you in the long run as well because you dont deserve to be treated badly. Good luck!

If you feel threatened in any way J. - you and your son need to get out. Stay with family or a place that shelters woman and children in your situation.

If he won't leave then you should. First of all you don't deserve to be treated that way. Second, he is setting a horrible example for your son. Is that really how you want your son to grow up?

I agree with Becky. You are so early in your marriage life. Just take a deep breath and assess your situation. I love Dr. Laura's take on life...that's just me.

Good Luck ~ your child deserves to not hear sublimenal messages.

Young Lady,

Your son needs a stable environment and a Mommy to take care of him. If you are unsafe you need to pack up and leave. Do it while he is at work and have some trusted family member or friend come and get you. You are undertaking to most important and precious job a woman can do and that is parenting a child! You owe it to your son and to yourself to be safe. You have more worth than this! Plan carefully, get support in placce and get help to get out!

God Bless!

Consider leaving him . prepare and start saving if you become a single parent. Place your money in a safe box at the bank . there's no paper trail . Start paying off your credit card bills with his $ and save you money.

You are in a abusive realtionship ! MOVE ON FORWARD !

Yelling , making you feel LOW about yourself, unhappy, YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE !
Don't be scared !
Your kids can feel the pain and suffering you are going through. You need to lead by example and show your kids that abusive partners are not aceptable.

Don't be scared to be alone ! there's a lot of fish in the sea.
go to meet up.com
it's a free site . and it keeps you busy with social events like dancing , wineries or nay topics you are interested in .

I DID IT ! it's the best thing i have ever done for me .
I ran my own time , my house , and I have peace of mind and I am content !

Well, if he is too aggressive, you need to leave, the safety of your son is first. My husband and I went through the same thing not too long ago, he would insult me and I would tell him i didn't like it but he didn't stop, so honestly I acted like it didn't bother me ( you know the grade school game) and I fired back at him i gave him insult for insult, once he noticed that he didnt like the way I was treating him and the things I was saying were hurting his feelings and tearing down his self esteem, he stopped. It took and bit of time, but it worked, now we are getting along alot better, I even miss him when he's gone now. Like I said if its too aggressive, dont try in, but if you think he can handle it, give it to him.

I left my husband after only 8 months of marriage. His behavior changed after we got into a car accident and I couldn't take it any more. He became depressed, addicted to pills and suicidal. All the while, he blamed all our problems on the car accident that all of us were in. It got to the point that I was afraid of him, and my oldest son started getting stomach aches when ever we would raise our voices at each other. I left with less than half of my belongings and my two children. I had nowhere to go, no job, and no money. It all worked out, my kids are happy, I'm safe, and I know that they won't ever have to see me getting yelled at anymore. My oldest son still gets freaked out if my boyfriend and I even sound like were going to fight (we haven't had a fight ever since we have been together) and he cries that we will have to move to a new house. I know that he was scarred emotionally by my husband and I fighting, and I will not ever do that again. Do not stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for your children, they do understand, and they do remember. Good luck. You can contact me if you need anything, good luck

I am sorry to hear you are having problems. If it is that bad call the cops and they will make him leave. Get a restraining order . Get out before it turns physically abusive. Your son is at the age where he will remember all this. If you really want this to work out ask him to go to counseling. If he won't you know right then he dosen't care. I hope this helps. If you ever just need someone to talk to please feel free to e-mail me. Good luck to you M.

I think u need to sit down and have a talk with out ur son around. And if he doesnt listen to u go see if u can get some real help by people who went to go for those kinds of things. It might help!

This is an old post, so I don't know if you will get this. I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband is the exact same way. I have been married to him for 9 years, and we have 2 kids together. Currently we are living apart, because after so much time, I couldn't take it anymore. I did find that ignoring does work, but in time he always finds some other way to hurt me. I had to be the one to leave, because just like you wrote, he wouldn't leave. I don't know where you live, but there are some ways to get housing and worker retraining because of your situation.

I left when I decided that I didn't want my son to treat me and other women that way. It is really hard, and since I love my husband, I feel bad about it. He knows that I will move back home if he gets some counseling, but has been unwilling to do it, so we will probably get divorced.

I can tell you, that it might be easier to leave now with one child, instead of down the road with more.

good luck

grab your son and leave (even if it's in the night) if you have told him to leave and he won't then he is trying to control you there are places you can go take as much money out of the atm as you can and don't ever look back.

The only thing I can think of is when your son isn't around tell your husband how you feel in a calm manor. He might get a little defensive but you need to stay calm and incontrol. Point out to him that he is teaching your son to do the same things he is when he does that too. And ask him if that is something he wants his son to learn.
Well I hope that helped!!
Good luck

Hi,
You need to absolutly run not walk to a counselor. It sounds like you might be in danger, and that means your son is also. That is your immediate need, the bigger picture is this. Your son is soaking everything up that he sees. I left my husband when I saw my 6 year old son starting to mirror his dads behavior and start treating me like dirt. After I took him out of the situation my son grew up to be the most respectful wonderful young man. So you have to ask the hard question, do you want to unleash onto the world another man that is physically and verbally abusive to women, because that is what will happen if you don't take action now. If you want to try to salvage this, I would find a friend or family member, and with them demand that your husband seek counseling with you. Aggressive behavior, and insults are the first step to physically abusive also, so make sure you consider your safety and your child's safety first.
Good luck dear,
J. E.

Please tell me you left. Children are like sponges. They absorb what they see. If you stay, not only are you hurting yourself and keeping yourself from finding happiness. But your son is learning how to treat people, women, from your husband. Marriage is tough, but you shouldn't stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. When you leave, give him space and tell him to get counseling. He needs to get help, for your relationships sake and your son.

Don't be afraid to fight for your happiness, to be treated with respect and love. You get one chance to be happy, one chance to raise your son to be a good man. Don't surround yourself with an abusive person.