I am sure I am not the only mom out there to experience this, but it sure seems like it. My daughter doesn't have much of anything to do with her father. We weren't married until she was nine months old and since then he has worked a night shift job. She hardly ever sees her dad and when she does, she is still clinging to my leg. I love the fact that my daughter is such a "mama's" girl, but it can be frustrating sometimes. As bad as this is to say, I don't even feel comfortable leaving our daughter with my husband because she seems to be so funny around him sometimes and actually he has never been much of a dad from the get go. He will play with her sometimes, but when it comes to being a parent, he doesn't have a clue. This has also put a huge strain on our relationship because I don't look at him as the same person he once was before he became a father. I don't really like him as a dad, but he is her father and for that, we have to make something work. Any suggestions and building a father daughter relationship at this point (she is 16 months old and maybe working our relationship too???
Oh wow. I just ended my relationship with my babies father for similar reasons. We are much better for it, but I often have doubts if I did the right thing by her. The I quickly realize, yes, and time will heal the doubt and all of this might make him a better father for her. I'm sorry for you and for me.
J.- sounds like you have a clingy 16 month old.... all my kids ( 5yr old/ 3 1/2 yr old and 20 months) have gone through this stage and my 3 1/2 year old still does this. The good news it's normal... and an easy way to get daddy more involved is to schedule time for them to do things together... (things out of the house are the best... I found the zoo is awesome... it causes dad to interact and they discover things together) Best of Luck and remember being parents is new for everyone... and some of us just need tools to help us connect... he might have never been given the tools when he was young and now you can help him with that... but be gentle you don't want to hurt his ego!
Have you taked to him about this? If not then you need to tell him how you feel, trust me I tell mine how I feel whether he likes it or not, yall are married for better or worse, but if you don't trust him w your child and things don't change I wouldn't be there.
You say you don't like him as a dad. Do you like him as a husband? After saying that, having children definitely changes a person. It sounds like daddy isn't ready to be a full-time father if he isn't willing to learn parenting skills. Have you tried talking to him about stepping up? Maybe he needs to be told exactly what is expected from him as a parent. Maybe go for a short walks a couple of times a week by yourself, leaving daughter and husband at home together. It may force him to become a better father. In the long run though, don't stay with him because of your daughter. That never works out and makes everyone miserable. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but good luck anyway.
This is an issue I can relate to but it was because I'm at home and my husband works a lot so my daughter saw me the most. The advice you've already received is really good so I won't add to that but it is important that whatever you decide to do to incorporate your husband into your daughters life you should first sit down and have a conversation with him that simply states what your trying to accomplish and find out what he would like to acheive to allow him the opportunity to understand your method and find out what he would like to see happen in his relationship with your daughter. I found that if I blind sided my husband with playtime or other activities he would feel out of control and not comfortable, also allow him to do it his way and ask you for help when he needs it. Again I was so use to being the only one that bathed her or played with her so if it wasn't being done the way I did it it was wrong and what I found out was I was wrong and our daughters relationship is unique to him just as it is to me so bath time with daddy is different than with me and breakfast with daddy is different and playtime at the park is different and it's all great. Your husband may be getting a late start but allow him to make his own mistakes (with in reason) and they will bond in their own special way and keep comunication open and you two will bond in a whole new way.
Children are very intuitive. Remeber that you dont want to further enable the distance between your 2 loved ones. Leave your daughter with your husband for 30 minutes or so while you make a to the store. Make a morning ritual of giving daddy kisses and hugs b4 you leave for work (even if he's already in bed). Prepare Sunday morning breakfast and leave the two of them at the table while you go shower.
You have to create little opportunities for him to participate and for them to bond. Don't let his lack of parenting affect you alls relationship.
Hi J.... Speaking from my professional perspective (I counsel children and parents) I can tell you that this is not uncommon. It is actually very normal for a toddler to gravitate toward the primary caretaker which is most often the mother. When she gets to be about 3 I predict she will begin to show a lot more interest in her father. I'd go easy on the man in that he is in very unfamiliar territory! Parenting is not an intuitive, automatic skill and even less so for dads often times. He needs some supportive, gentle guidance on how to play with a little girl. And your idea of what a dad is supposed to look like might need to bend a little bit because every child and every parent and that relationship is a unique dynamic. In the meantime, I recommend you help facilitate positive feelings for her daddy by talking up Daddy "Daddy's home! Let's go give Daddy a hug and see if he wants to play with us!" Invite Daddy to play with you and her together so he can see how you play. And allow the two of them to invent and discover their own way of interacting and playing. He might come up with little inside jokes as she gets a bit older that the two of them share or little rituals or certain games she will associate just with him.... Take care and realize that our views of spouses do change when a child is born into the marital dynamic. Sometimes a bit of couples counseling can help bridge any gaps there and this would be the time to do that. Best of luck to all three of you! - L.
J. my daughter did the same thing. my husband works out of town for ten days at a time. And it would break his heart when he would come in and our daughter wouldn't hardly go to him. However what we did was for the four days he is in town (thurs - sun) he keeps her as much as possible. On Thur and Fri while I work he always keeps her and then on the weekends he takes her to go get a biscuit (my husbands ritual everyday)while I go and run. However if we go to the park or anywhere fun we try to make it all three of us. And daddy has to do all of the work while I finally get to take pictures. Now it is balanced. I mean when my daughter is tired hungry or gets bumps and bruises she comes running for me--however when she wants to go outside and play in the dirt it's daddy. But it took a few months of EVERYONE trying to get it to work. Now my husband doesn't have the resentment (or hurt feelings or whatever it was) he once did about the fact that our daughter would come to mommy before daddy. And it makes our relationship easier..
