My Hubby and I Are TTC and Now He Suddenly "Doesn't Want a Baby Right Now"

I am so sorry about this and of course I wish you best of luck. I cant speak for him and I did not have this issue personally but my friend had a very hard time TTC and had to take treatments and have operations to get preggo. she said that it was very difficult, nerve wracking and stressful on their realtionship. maybe he is just having a hard time getting his hopes up and then it is not working? maybe this is his way of not getting HIS heart broken. she told me that while TTC they did go to marriage counsling so they could disccuss how difficult it was and the minute they got preggo they did not need to go anymore. hope this helps at least a bit. good luck. xo

I have PCOS too and had to go on all the same meds + Metformin. I think when it takes a long time, guys get a little weirded out. My husband went back and forth. When I finally got pregnant with our son, he was so excited and such a good dad now. I promise it gets better. I think they freak out.

I am so sorry you are going through this. This has obviously been all you can think about for a long time. You have had this dream of a child and have been playing it out to the point of making purchases. Sometimes our dreams come a little later than we have expected. I would take a break from the whole discussion for a while and just enjoy being a couple. It sounds like it hasn't been easy with him being in the military and you making a lot of changes in your life. He must be worth it.

Be thankful that your husband told you about his apprehension. He really needs your understanding right now and not a chart of what you have done and what he hasn't done. When a couple goes through hardship, they need to turn TO each other, not ON each other. When you start showing him that you care about how he feels (even if he has changed his mind or even if he was too scared to tell you before), he will start paying more attention to your feelings as well. Men need to know that we respect them even if they disagree with us.

I'm sure he is taking your feelings into consideration. It's just that he is not ready for some reason to have children right now. Just let some time go by and then, when you are not so emotional, talk about both of your feelings. I know this sounds too hard to do right now, but if you want this marriage to work, you need to know what your husband is working through. It could be something so minor that he is going through. Just keep telling yourself that to keep your sanity.

But if, in fact, you find out he does not want children, then you will need to make a decision at that time. Please do not leave him because he has done something so "horrible" as to disagree about having children. Leave him because, even though he is a decent man (after all, he is willing to sacrifice his life for his country - hurray!), you each have different dreams. As hard as that might be, it is a much more civil way to end your relationship and much less hurtful.

My first reaction is that he's trying to protect himself "just in case" it doesn't happen. The whole "I didn't really want to go to the prom anyway"... OR that he's just feeling grateful that you guys didn't concieve LAST year and whatever is going on with his life right this moment, this week, isn't complicated by being a new dad.

Does he calm down if you tell him there's no way a stork is dropping a bungle of joy down the chimney? That he has a solid year MINIMUM (9 months is a durn year) to relax into it?

In time, a year is a long time, though ttc it is considered average I suppose. My point is though that for the last year babies have taken over all of your guys attention and now that you are so close to achieving your dreams it is probably scarry to him. Maybe you guys need to take a break about talking about it and start talking about other things going on in your life. Try not to allow the baby making to consume every part of you. I know you must be super excited to be so close to this but some guys just don't want to talk about babies 24/7 (and I am sorry I am not assuming you guys are, just a general statement). Anyways, you say you guys have clothes, cribs, and all that picked out and you are not even pregnant yet. IMO I would just take a break from all that and just enjoy the baby making part with out all the extra baby talk.

Good luck!

I was diagnosed with PCOS too! I went through all of the Infertility treatments too, including IVF (very expensive). $30,000 later I still wasn't pregant but still on a mission, unfortunately my husband had lost hope, interest and became very frustrated. I basically drove him crazy with the issue and he left me. Eventually I started taking better care of myself, I lost weight, and came to the realization that I didn't need a child to be happy.
My husband and I started dating again and at about four months later I got pregnant! We weren't trying, I finally let go and just had fun, no meds or anything :)
We now have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old.
I personally think that a lot of times the fertility doctors tell you they can get you pregnant (I went to two very good ones) but there are no guarantees and you need to think are the odds worth my marriage?
Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Sorry to hear you are going through this right now. We all have our bad moments, hopefully it's a quick one that will pass. The mom below me had a good thing to say... "They freak out"

Maybe you can start the talk with him by asking him how he feels and specific questions ALL surrounding him- and listen to his concerns. Once he opens up and gives his "side", then you explain to him that he ALREADY made his mind up when you and he decided that you go to an infertility specialist! And say other things that are on your mind.

Men sometimes don't seem to react to emotion as we would want them to. I seriously think that a wall can go up when too much feeling gets pushed at them. Explaining to him in a more matter-of-fact way may help, too, because I think that goes along with the way they naturally process things anyways- they are just different from us:)

(Just to clarify: I'm not trying to bash men here or to say they are dumb OR don't have feelings or anything negative about them at ALL!)

Maybe its not what you think. Maybe he has something else going on that he is concerned about and doesn't know how to bring it up to you. Sometimes men can get distracted when something else is on their minds.

I would just suggest making him a nice dinner and over dinner just talk to him and see what he is thinking. Try not to be argumentative and just see his point of view. It may not be what you want to hear, but at least hear him out. Communication is very important in all aspects of a marriage.

If in deed he just isn't ready to have children, then for the sake of your marriage its best to wait. He may be ready next month. Pressure will not make it better and giving the poor sad wife routine may make him give in, but he won't be happy about it later. He isn't saying he doesn't want kids, just not right now. Give him time if he needs it. Be supportive as he will only be that much more supportive of you when you are pregnant and then have the child. Good Luck to you both.

Be patient and understanding and talk to him. My hubby freaks out about these things too. I think you're right about nerves. If you let him talk it out, it might calm his nerves. Ask him about what he's feeling and be sure to communicate what your thoughts are also. Hang in there!

I also have PCOS among other IF issues. I m/c'd twins in my 5th month with my first pregnancy, so my husband was happy to keep trying because he would've done anything to help me get over the loss. I got pg with my oldest daughter thru IUI w/injections of fertility meds. We'd always both wanted 2 children so when our beautiful daughter was about a year old I decided it was time to try again, but he balked and said he didn't want any more children. We argued and fought about it and finally what it boiled down to was he didn't want me to go thru fertility treatments anymore. He was worried about what all the drugs were doing to my body, and he just didn't want to risk the possibility of me dying of ovarian hyperstimulation or of cancer later on b/c of the drugs. I finally convinced him that it would be okay to do it one more time and then I would be done, but I have to say he was a lot less involved with baby #2 than with baby #1. It was as though our 2nd daughter only belonged to me b/c I was the one who really wanted her. That hurt a lot and was difficult to understand. All is well now but it was tough the first couple of years after she was born. Promising not to try for any more children after #2 turned out to be a difficult thing for me b/c I ended up going through IVF for her and having 3 embryos leftover after conceiving beautiful baby number 2, which I never got to transfer b/c of my promise to my husband (I couldn't find a dr in my area who would do a drug-free transfer). However, I did end up conceiving baby #3 'the old fashioned way' when I was 37 years old! HUGE surprise! So you never know what's in store for you. I would give him some time and perhaps even look into counseling to try and figure out what's going on. It really is important that this is something you BOTH really want. Best of luck to both of you!

My friend also has PCOS, her husband is also in the Army, They have been trying to conceive for years too. She was just diagnosed with PCOS about 3 months ago. She has been taking Clomid and another med to make her periods come. Her and her hubby have been trying and all was great. Then all of a sudden he didn't kids right now, then he did, then he didn't care. He is going back and forth. Honestly to my friend and myself we think that it is just nerves. He just re enlisted for another 3 years. He is leaving for Alaska in January, then getting deployed back to the middle east from there. He really acts like he wants a baby sometimes then other times he doesn't. I think that they Do want a family, but realize that they will give up so much. I have 3 kids and having a baby changes so Much! You really do give up a lot of your life. I think for guys that is scary. Also, the guys being in the army is another thing to think about. Your husband (& hers) is probably thinking about the fact that he could be deployed at anytime. He could miss the pregnancy, the birth, the first months or years of the childs life. That is scary. No one wants to have to be away from their child and have their child not know them. Or God Forbid, something could happen to them when they are deployed... Maybe the thought of leaving you while your pregnant and something happening is too much for him to handle. Just talk to him... Good Luck
Also, Remind him that you have time... Just because you are on meds does not mean you will concieve right away. As I said my friend has been taking meds for 3 months and nothing. She has not even started ovulating. They are talking about upping her meds since nothing is working.

My sister TTC a few weeks after having her second miscarriage and her hubby was on board. They already had two children three years apart and wanted to conceive soon enough so that there was three years between #2 and #3 and were now already behind because of the miscarriage.

Well, when she told him she was pregnant he was upset! She said "You said you were ok with TTC so what's up??!!" As it turns out he was worried about the future, worried about the unknown, and said he really didn't think she would get pregnant so quick so he agreed to TTC for HER benefit.

FF now the child will be a year old in Sept and her sisters are 4 and 7. Daddy adores baby and they are so happy to have her.

Give it a little bit of time and he'll come around. Just remind him that Clomid treatments are expensive and that the dr said you don't have much time so if you are going to try for a baby it needs to be NOW.

Good luck

How old are you guys? Maybe he thinks he is too young and not ready.

Sorry about the hurt here. The thing that sticks out for me is that he is being rude. Try to stay calm because he won't hear you if you're having a fit about it. Choose a time when things are nice and peaceful for you. Then, ask him to please explain to you what his concerns are. Again, if you are hysterical about it, he will surely shut down and not hear you at all.

It might be that the reality of it has set in and he is a little afraid. It might be that he's seen you go through such heartache while trying to conceive that he wants to spare you (or himself) from the additional heartache of not being successful. It could be that he sees some financial uncertainty in the future. Try to understand why the sudden change of heart.

I wonder how long you've been married and how old you guys are. That might factor into his mind change.