My Heart Is So Sad for My Daughter!

Could you have someone write a note in Spanish to her Mom asking her to meet you at the park for a playdate?? Neutral territory, you could bring picnic food and enjoy the Mom's friendship too??

If I were you, I would befriend the mom - in even a small way. Smile say hi. Send her an email....you could write what you want, then use google translator and copy and paste it into an email. The mom is just doing her best to protect her daughter, if you befriend her she will soften I bet. Perhaps invite the daughter to go get icecream after school or something and see if the mom will go for that.

That is very sad!

Do you think the Spanish immersion teacher would translate a written letter from you to Leslie's Mom?

EDIT: I can understand that too. I would try the letter and see if opening up to her helps :) good luck! Hope it works out.

Not sure why she expects you to be fluent in Spanish when she is living in America. Not really anything you can do about it unless she is willing to learn english or get over her little hang up about it but that kind of thing really bothers me.

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. They're in America. The mother should be learning English and encouraging her daughter to do the same. I wouldn't befriend the mother if she's being this exclusionary. I would be honest with both girls what the issue is and let Emmy work on her mother. It's not your fault at all. Emmy's been here for 3 years and isn't fluent yet? That seems odd for a child as they usually pick up the language quickly. I would ask the teacher to write a note to the mother and point out that this is just hurting the girls. I'm sure Emmy speaks enough English to translate if there's something urgent. How else would Leslie and Emma have much fun for 3 years? I don't sugar coat other mothers to my daughters. One of mine has a friend whose parents are from Russia. The mother was not receptive to my suggestion of a playdate even though her daughter seems to love mine. Later my daughter said she only has playdates with Russian kids. Sorry but my reaction to that is F you. This should be about the kids. I didn't say F you to my daughter of course but said I was sorry. It was her friend's mother's choice, not mine. Let this little girl talk to her mother about it. They're 7/8... Bit of a sore spot for me to be discriminated against in the US for not being another nationality.

My guess is that Leslie's mother is worried that the two of you can't communicate if there are any problems with the kids, or that she couldn't explain to you any special needs or routines that Leslie might have. Maybe you could plan a playdate at the park where both of you stay. Even though you can't talk to each other, she might feel better knowing that you're each able to look out for your own kid. She probably doesn't want Emmy at her house because she worries that Emmy can't tell her if something is wrong or communicate her needs.

Try setting up a playdate at a neutral location with both moms present. I hope it works.

Why on Earth would you need to be fluent in Spanish to host her English speaking daughter for a few hours at your house? Makes ZERO sense to me.
I'd just tell my daughter that Leslie's mom doesn't let her go to non-Spanish speaking homes to play, I guess.

ditto Stephanie H.

I would suggest writing a letter to the Mom empathizing with protecting her daughter and asking for a playdate. (right now, do it, do it, do it).

Then see if the spanish teach will translate, or try some google translate magic. Even if it's broken spanish, I think the effort you make will translate just fine. :)

Maybe if the Husband speaks english, he can be the "parent" to call with last minute stuff "Leslie's here playing, is it ok if I take the girls to get pizza?" or "Leslie wants to stay for dinner and spend the night - I promise to make her go to bed". I bet that really what mamma is worried about. She has no way to make sure you are a sane parent, except to trust the judgment of a 6 year old. :)

I agree with writing a letter... Google translate that thing and ship it off!

Again I tried to hijack you! So in short I don't agree with the others that have said "don't tell your daughter it's because..." I think not telling our kids the truth about others is more damaging than telling them.

But I'll get of my of a soap box!~

I am not sure that there is any other option other than Rosetta Stone. I would be curious as to whether that is the true reason she doesn't want you or her daughter there. Just a thought. It is very saddening when friends can't be friends because of family differences. Not judging by any means, just sad. Hang int here R. & Emmy!

Meet up at Chick-fil-A or a park or the school's playground for a playdate. Bring a book to read so there won't be any awkward communication issues. I think this is more than a language barrier, she just doesn't want to leave her comfort zone. I see this a lot where I live.

Yes. There is a way to make it work. Leslie can read, right? Write a note that you would like Leslie to come over - mom does NOT need to come over as well - on this date and this time. Mom can pick her up at this time.

I'm surprised the Spanish Immersion teacher didn't offer to help or write a note to Leslie's mom for you. Does the dad speak English? Maybe you can talk to the Dad as well?

Try to run in to her when she drops her kid off or pcks her up. Or at a talent show etc. Say Hi and be friendly. Learn about her language and her culture. I'm not saying be fluent. But show the mom your really trying. If that doesn;t work then its not the language. Maybe they do not like outsiders or maybe there are other issues in their home.

Can you meet up somewhere or invite both mom and daughter over? We're having sort of the opposite problem. A family moved here from Brazil a month or two ago and the little girl in my son's class speaks no English yet. But he wants to have her over to our house and asks every day Her parents speak some English so I think I may just invite them both over so that mom can translate for the daughter at least the first time and then I can figure out how big the language barrier is (I know no Portuguese at all). I guess in school they just act out a lot of things (the beauty of 2nd grade, right?) and that works so I suspect that this would work for a play date too but I don't know...

Anyway...I'd try to get together with both of them first so that she can get to know you a bit.

That is sad. Have you ever tried to talk to her mom? Leslie may not be relaying what her mother said correctly. Perhaps the immersion teacher can write a note for you to sent to the other mom, just explaining to her what's going on and what you would like to do. It just confuses me b/c if Emmy goes over to their house Leslie can translate for her if needed. They're 8 not 2 so I don't see what the problem would be. That's my only suggestion, sorry. Oh and unless you really want to learn Spanish, I wouldn't buy Rosetta Stone. I hear it works but they are very expensive. Good Luck.

It doesn't sound like a legit reason to me. It sounds like an excuse, especially since her daughter speaks English and you could always have her daughter call her and speak Spanish to her if she's at your house and needs something. Maybe the mom doesn't want her daughter spending time with people she doesn't know, so she's using that as an excuse.

You could try writing the letter and having it translated thing, but if she still says no, then you'll have to let it go and encourage your Emmy to make other friends.

I agree there may be some other things in play here. My kids go to an International School and have friends and classmates from many cultures countries.
One thing I've learned is there are a lot of cultural differences in how children are expected to socialize. We have Mexican families who just don't let their kids play with friends outside of school. We have Indian families who shelter (my word) thier girls and will not allow sleepovers or even school sponsored overnight trips even when the girls are teens.

I would try to reach out to the Mom, language is not as much of a barrier as people think, assuming she must speak a little English to be able to get along in this country. A note might be a good idea too. If you can gain her trust you might find that she's just nervous about the "unknown" of trusting someone she doesn't know with the care of her child.

I don't know how you would resolve it if the mother doesn't let her come because you don't speak Spanish. I can kind of understand it - if she needed to call you, she would not be able to communicate to you what she needs or what is going on. A note from the Spanish immersion teacher is not going to solve that.

I would not, however, tell Emmy that Leslie's mom won't let her come because of the language barrier. I would just tell her that apparently Leslie's mom doesn't do play dates and leave it at that.

And just an inquiry, but how do children who don't speak English fare in an American classroom where everything is taught in English. I've always wondered about that.

would she be willing to meet you at a prak instead so that the girls can play? maybe if she can see you and interact with you she'll feel more comfortable. perhaps you know someone that does speak spanish that will go with you to the park to translate and help out.

Do you know anyone that speaks Spanish and English that might be willing to translate for you? I'm thinking if you could somehow arrange a meeeting or dinner or something and have that person there they you and the other mom could "talk" through the translator and get to know each other a little. That might calm her fears some. That's a tough one.

Sadly there might be other issues that you don't know about. There are wonderful other ideas but you might consider some other facts could exist that would make mother a little afraid.

There may be other things she doesn't want to share, but if it's just Spanish, do you have a friend who could join you for lunch with the mom and translate while the kids play? Or the teacher translate a letter? Google Translate is spotty, but if the mom uses email, maybe offer to correspond online to see if that helps, using Google as the go-between. If she still says no, then the girls will have to socialize at other events/school.

Hi, R.:
I believe there are interpreters around your area. Find one and see if you can find out the reason that way.
Good luck.
D.

Will she meet at a park or play area? I kind of get it although sad. If theres an issue the parents wouldn't be able to communicate if she J. drops her off, and she probably would feel awkward joining and not speaking the language. My ex's previous boss was russian and was our friend at work he spoke english but when we went over for arties everyone spoke russian and it was frustrating not knowing what was going on. Although you think since they;ve been friends so long she'd be ok with not knowing the other family and J. let her go play on her own.

How did you find this out? Is it possible there has been a misunderstanding?

How do you know THAT is the reason she can't come over? You two moms have the barrier, so, she can't tell you why. Maybe that is the reason the little girl is giving to mask the real reason. I grew up playing in Spanish speaking households and the kids often interpretted things to me differantly than what thier parents said, just to be nice.
Since your daughter is taking an immersion class, maybe you could have the teacher write a note in spanish for you that says, my daughter is taking an immersion class and since the girls are such good friends, we thought it would be great if she were allowed to come to your house occasionally and she could come here to tutor her occasionally.

I would think the mom is not letting her daughter come over to play simply because she can not speak with you and understand what kind of person you are - it would make me nervous to send my daughter to someone's house where I could not get to speak for a bit with the parent.
Perhaps you can arrange a playdate, through the girls, at a park? The girls could play together and even though you could not have a conversation, the other mom could see how you interact with your daughter, etc. Just seeing a parent in action with their child and other children can put your mind at rest and assure that your child will be well lokked after.