Question One: When my 18 month old son gets angry/frustrated he bangs his head against the nearest object. Usually it's the wall, sometimes it's the cushion of the couch or recliner, and earlier today he started banging his head against my knee. He'll go up to the wall, sit up against it with his back to it, and throw himself backwards against it repeatedly... Hitting the back of his head against the wall. If he's sitting on the couch or chair when he gets frustrated, he'll throw himself backwards against that. Earlier today he got mad at me, grabbed my leg and started banging his forehead against my knee. So far we've been ignoring it, but he's starting to bang his head against these things harder. What should we do?
Question Two:My son doesn't like his dad (My fiance)! After our son was born and we were still living apart, our son loved spending the night at daddy's. He would get SO excited and would get mad when I came to pick him up. Now that we are all living together it's a completely different story. He loves playing with daddy but only if I'm sitting right there. He doesn't like daddy holding him to go to sleep, only me. If I leave the room for any reason while daddy is home, he's bursts into tears and starts screaming. Taking a shower is NOT an easy task... Let a alone a relaxing bubble bath (Ha!). I was gone for about an hour today and my fiance said that Oliver screamed and cried the ENTIRE time! I'm having surgery on Tuesday and daddy will be alone with him from about 1pm to 4pm (We don't want Oliver in the hospital... He would go insane with boredom). What do we do?
Edited To Add - My fiance is the one who said that our son doesn't like him. I always make sure to tell him that our son loves him. I was just using his own words to describe the situation.
It's not that he doesn't like daddy, it is that he is super attached to you! Please don't make dad feel like his son does not like him. It will be even harder for the two of them to bond. Maybe the time with you in the hospital could be a great time for them to get closer.
well, it's called a power struggle. he is growing up and exhibiting his frustration to get attention and his way.
It's totally normal for a toddler to do this. It's also totally normal to scream when mommy is away. Why? because he can. And if he hasn't had anyone BUT YOU for his life - with only small increments of daddy - it's a huge change...
Your fiance did NOTHING to distract him from the fact that you were gone, right? or he said he tried to distract him? but it didn't work, right?
your finance says his son doesn't like him. Okay. then your fiance is putting off vibes and your son can feel and react to those vibes. It could your finace is feeling uncomfortable being "daddy all the time" instead of part time...more responsibility, etc.
Now that you are living together...I'm sure there are additional struggles..finances, expectations, getting used to each others habits....all that jazz....I take it you moved into his parents house or got an apartment together instead of buying a home you couldn't afford?
If you are concerned about the head banging - talk to your son's pediatrician. Find other ways to help him cope with the stress of change and being told NO. Oliver is testing his boundaries. Oliver is seeing what he can and cannot get away with. This is TOTALLY normal. Now it's a matter of how you handle it. You "SAY" you ignore it - but I'm sure your body language and words to your finace are a totally different story - Oliver knows it upsets you - so he does it.
As for your surgery on Tuesday? Looks like daddy is going to have to deal and be a daddy. This means taking control and setting boundaries. He will have to learn how to play with his son and take care of him on his own. You are obviously worried about it - and since you are concerned/worried, Oliver is picking up on that as well...it's amazing what kids pick up and work with....
You guys are in charge of your child. You have to do what works for YOU.
If you cave for his every whim, he will continue to want that.
He's a year and half, he CAN understand language.
Tell him what you are going to do, then just do it.
If he disagrees it's okay. You know you are doing the right thing. Toddlers get used to a new plan (if actually implemented) within 2 or 3 days.
Repetition and consistency is the KEY.
Lots of them head bang if they get attention for it.
His head banging sounds normal for a toddler, but if you are worried talk to his doctor.
Your son is also at an age where he wants mommy all the time. He will grow out of this soon and want to be around his dad. He may also be adjusting to all of you living together. Keep encouraging him to spend time with his dad and you.
Children learn early to manipulate and that's what he's doing. He's getting all the attention when he bangs his head even if you ignore it he knows it upsets you. I would pick him up and say you love him and don't want him to hurt his head and say until he stops he needs to be in his bed or wherever to remove him. As for the bath time and other time without him just say "I'm taking a shower so you can"... play or whatever you want him to do where it's safe with Daddy or in his room or bed. He needs to learn that you have a life too even though you love him. Don't let him get in the middle of you and his dad and he did the not wanting to go when you picked him up when you were apart because he was doing that same thing of ' now I like him best'. I'm sure he is also a bit confused with you alone then daddy there, etc. but he can adjust fine if you let him know the guidelines.
There is a fear period at 18 months. It usually lasts a few months. During this time, LOs cling to their mommies and want no one else. Perfectly normal, he should out grow it, as long as you don't reward it.
Head banging is normal too. Time to start teaching him how to handle his big emotions. Just say, ' are you angry? Say angry, don't hit your head. that looks like it hurts," that kind of thing....
My son did the head banging at that age, too. It was a phase that initially caused us concern, but he outgrew it rather quickly. Perhaps this is just a short phase for your son. I don't think you need to worry.
I agree with Michelle S. about daddy. It is not that your son doesn't like daddy, he is just super-attached to you. It may reverse later on for a little while and then switch back.
Good luck to you with your surgery. I hope all goes well.
My son did the head banging thing at this age. His doctor said kids have hard heads and he won't hurt himself it is just how he expresses his anger right now. As for him not liking his daddy. I think it is more that he is going through a clinngy phase with mommy. My son did this too. He didn't want anyone but mommy. It won't last.
Head banging--ignore it. Does he talk a lot yet? He needs to express his anger/frustration in other ways--give him a punch-pillow, more words, etc. to express that frustration...but, generally, yes, ignore the head banging.
Dad issue--I think there has been a big change in your family dynamic recently.
You were the majority parent there, caring for, comforting, etc. until you guys started living under the same roof.
Give it some time.
Actually, I think it's good that dad will be O.-on-O. for several hours--he will HAVE to connect, comfort, entertain, etc., and sometimes that's what dad's need most--no mom-default available! I think you actually should "plan" more things where you are gone for a few hours. They'll get it!!
