My Grand Kids.

why doesn't he just find a gym that offers childcare? I would tell him kindly that you may be able to do it short term until he finds an alternative but be very firm about how long he has to find that alternative. Grandparents have every right to having "Lives" they are not free babysitters! I would never assume my mom would be available to sit for my kids on a regular basis.

"Caught in a bind"......we must have different definitions because I don't think working out constitutes being in a bind, unless he's a body builder for a living, lol..........you are grandma & if you repeatedly told him to find a program for HIS boys that means grandma doesn't want to watch my kids so I better get off my butt & find child care if I want to work out.

Personally, I relish the time I have with my grandson. But he lives with us and is the light of my life. I also run a daycare.

I'd tell him he has one day per week. The rest of the time....tell him to do what moms have to do. Buy a double stroller and go running....well I guess you didn't say how old they are?

Nope. Not fair. Taking care of his kids comes before his work outs.

.

Tell him no then. If he can afford the gym he can afford daycare. Maybe you can do one day instead of all 4. This will give you time with the grand kids. Or if you really do not want to or can't. Tell him how you feel. I think it is to much 4 times per week. You know most gyms do have their own daycare. Find out what gym he is going to and call yourself to see. Good luck!

Like your son, I would have also asked my parents to watch my kids first, to give my kids and my parents the opportunity to spend time together. But if they'd refused or didn't feel comfortable doing so, or wanted to spend time with them but just a little less than that, I would have found another way. Like another poster said, most gyms have daycare...he should really take advantage of that. Just to let you know, needing to find someone to watch his kids while he WORKS OUT is not being "caught in a bind". If he *truly needs* to workout, he can run up and down a flight of stairs 30 times. There are plenty of creative ways to get exercise in your own home. He's, unfortunately, taking the easy and cheap way out by relying on your kindness.

WORK-OUT?!? ha! (I WISH- Buit, then again, I have KIDS! LOL!)There are SO many other options out there instead of having you babysit... for one, working out (at a gym, I'm assuming?) is NOT a necessity!!! Do jumping jacks at home, do an exercise video at home... take the kiddies on a jog with you- YOURSELF! Use the gym daycare, Workout after-hours (LOTS of gyms stay open late), DON'T work-out at ALL!

...and I'd say it isn't fair that you have been suggesting summer programs for the children. It isn't fair to YOU- he should know better!

I feel BAD having my mom/MIL babysit... I do it ONLY when absolutely "needed", not for "ME TIME"! ...wait, I don't have "me time"... LOL!

Doesn't sound fair to me. My husband and I always ask. I'm the one who had children, they're my responsibility. Nobody has to watch my children, but if you want to that would really help me out. Plus you've spent a year telling him that he needs to find summer care for his children.

No it is not fair. When I had my son my mom told me I am a grandma not a babysitter. As far as having you sit for the kids so he can work out?? NO. Tell him honey the reason I wanted you to get the kids in a summer program is that me and your dad have plans all summer and won't be available, sorry, would you like me to look into a summer program for you? If you cave in expect the same set up next summer.

My mother sees her grandchild every 4 - 5 years......just some food for thought

Helping him "work" 2 hours a day might be one thing, but working out?
Many gyms have child care and he could get a good workout chasing and lifting his kids. ;)

He's not in a bind, it's just easier to bring the kids to you. And, even though 2 hours a day isn't that much, maybe you had other things YOU wanted to do.
It's only July. It might not be too late to get them into a drop in program through your local parks and recreation department.
I always put my kids in summer school or "day camps" even when I was a stay at home mom, because they got to do so much fun stuff and they loved it. It also kind of helped keep them on a schedule as far as having a place to go. We planned it around being gone on vacation, etc, but I think it's good for kids.
Grandmas are great unless Grandma has other things to do.
I can understand any parent wanting a few hours of me time a month, but why is that your job?

When I was fortunate enough to live close to my parents, they helped when I was working. Or if I had to be out of town for work. But just babysitting....not so much.
They loved my kids and asked to have them often, but just for me running around, I took my kids with me.

It will be interesting to see what your responses are.

Take care!

NO its not fair.
You are right.

Grandparents, are by NO means, a 'default' babysitter... and he is just going to work out? Tough. That is his problem. And you are "free" childcare.

I never, ever, treat my Mom (Grandma) as a default babysitter... I ALWAYS ask her first what her schedule/plans are, and IF she doesn't mind watching my kids. She lives with us, and I still do not, ever, take her for granted as a 'babysitter."
My Aunty did that... and my Grandma was sick... and then they found out it was stomach cancer, they didn't even take that into consideration.

Grandparents, are not to be taken for granted, as babysitters. They have lives too, and things to do, and have medical conditions or not, and are simply just tired or not able bodied. Whatever it is, they need to be respected.

all the best,
Susan

No that is not fair to you. I could see if he needed you for work or an emergency but to workout???? Alot of gyms offer daycare and even have activities for the kids. If he can pay to use the gym 4 times a week 2 hours a day then he can pay for that. Maybe offer to do 1 or 2 days so you can be with them but 4 is a bit much.
Some of the others said maybe he is in a finacial bind.... well he can afford to pay for the gym and gym memberships aren't cheap. His kids should come first.

He is responsible for his own children.
He has the right to ask you. You have the right to accept, refuse, or accept only for some hours/days.
You are a woman, a wife, a mother and a grand-mother, not a free convenient baby sitter.
Because he didn't plan shouldn't mean you have to change your plans.
I don't know the age of the 2 boys but 8 hours a week with 2 boys will keep you occupied and you'll end up the summer needing a vacation.
Many grand parents love to take care of their grand children and you may be one of them. It doesn't mean that you want to take care of them every day!
I live thousands of miles from my family (they are in Europe). My mother is missing the children soooooooo much. She is so happy when we go but also relieved when we leave!
It's one thing to help out in case of unplanned emergency, but this is different. He has options (summer camp, baby sitter, not working out, child care at the gym...)
Do whatever YOU feel comfortable doing. Not less, not more.

I can see how this would happen for a week, maybe two, but after that he should be able to find something else.

My advice is to figure out what you are comfortable with and keep that boundary. If you LIKE having your grandchildren over, then do so. Otherwise your son is an adult and is capable of figuring something out - like finding a gym with childcare available.

Does your son struggle with his weight and have health issues? If so then you helping is being supportive. Wish I lived near you. My teen and tween would love to earn $10 a day and babysit. There are several perspectives on this. It's nice for you to see your grandkids but you shouldn't be obligated or expected to babysit when it's non work related or not an emergency.

I don't think that sounds fair at all! You told him in advance, but he didn't listen. While I agree working out is good for your health, it isn't completely vital that you would have to watch the kids. I think he needs to find a gym that has childcare, find a program to put them in, or find a way to exercise at home. You should watch them whenever you feel like it, but you shouldn't HAVE to watch them just so he can go to the gym. He is responsible for his children, not you. Grandmas are supposed to have fun with their grandchildren when they want to and not be forced into babysitting.

It is not so bad. You can use the time to bond with the boys. I watch my grandchildren whenever my son and his wife need help. We have become very close. I treasure the time we spend together.

N.,

Depending on your schedule and how much you enjoy being with the children I would babysit, but not 4 times a week. If you son has time to work out, he has time to find programs for HIS kids. Don't let a grown child guilt you or blackmail you into babysitting if you have plans or just don't want to.

Blessings.....

I wouldn't use a term like "fair" - I think that's for squabbling kids. It is not considerate of him to ask you to watch the kids on an almost daily basis if you've told him that you are not interested in doing that. He is not required to send the kids to camp, but it does not mean that you need to babysit whenever he asks. Do what you want to, it's not like he needs you to watch the kids so he can go to his job I'm sure there are plenty of teenagers around who would like to make some babysitting money

From one grandmother to another - Most place have babsitting available, otherwise go week to week - don't do it all. Better yet, let him watch the kids at least a couple times a week - that should be work out enough!!! Good luck.

No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

On the other hand, he certainly has a right to ask you (& not assume you'll say yes). You also then have the right to say no -- without explanation (but also without judgment -- don't be telling your grown son that he should have listened to you months ago. You're right. He should have -- but it won't help anyone for you to remind him of it).

If your son needed to go to work that would be one thing, but blindsiding you by insisting you babysit every day for two hours so he can go "workout" is ridiculous. He is not caught in a bind. He just chose to inconvenience you rather than himself, so simply be unavailable frequently and he will get the message. "Sorry, we have a lunch date," or "Sorry, I have a doctor's appointment." every other day or so will get the message across. Why is he working out during the day anyway? Doesn't he have a job? Because if he is not working he needs to be pounding the pavement looking for work, not playing. He can go work out at night. If he is old enough to have kids he is old enough to grow up and take care of his own responsibilities.

If I may ask, where is the boys' mother? Is she working while he is playing, and does she know he is looking for someplace to drop the kids every day? Is he working out or playing around? Because if it is the latter that explains why he won't put them in camp - he'd have to explain why.

I do not want to hear he cannot afford childcare. If that's the case he can give up the gym membership to cut costs.

It sounds to me like your son is dumping his responsibility on you so he can have a carefree, irresponsible summer. But like my Mom always said, no one can wipe their feet on you if you don't lie down. So don't lie down! Don't waste your time pondering fairness, just stand up for yourself! Even two hours every day means you cannot plan your own activities such as travel or socializing with friends, and you are entitled to your own life. I know many will say you should appreciate the time with your grandchildren but it will be difficult to appreciate that time if it becomes burdensome.

If you needed two hours of help four days a week every week for the entire summer would your son be there for YOU? I think you know the answer.

No, it is not fair. Maybe he is under financial pressure he does not want to tell you about? You should feel free to say no, although I imagine this might be a great opportunity to expand your relationship to you grandsons. You should let him know that you feel taken for granted and a bit used, but make your decision whether or not to take your grandsons completely apart from that.

Some gyms actually have a daycare type situation - you might suggest he find one of those. That way, he can do both at once. :)

Not fair, but (1) maybe he cannot afford it and afraid to tell you (2) maybe he is not proactive and missed the deadline (3) maybe he is using you because he doesn't see why he should pay when you are their grandparent (4) maybe you were not specific telling him to find a program because you were NOT going to be able to keep the kids (5) maybe he prefers you versus a program. You know your son, find out why he didn't and negotiate with him what you are willing or not willing to do.

I think its fair, it shouldn't be up to you to baby sit your grandkids. you've already raised your set of children, time with your grandkids should be enjoyable.
Why don't you find some summer programs for him? Maybe he's just being lazy and doesn't want to look for any.

Is it fair...no. Why do men wait until the last minute for things? My hubby is the same way. I say if you want to watch the kids, do it. If you don't, refuse nicely. Suggest he find a gym with a daycare. Or if the kids are old enough go while they are at home sleeping, or take them with him and let them swim or work out with him. At our local YMCA the child needs to only be 9 to swim without their parent there. Best of Luck

His health club should have child care doesn't it? If not, maybe he should join somewhere else! LOL Like the YMCA.

I think he can ASK for whatever he wants. And you should feel free to say NO.

It doesn't mean you love them any less. They're his kids so he should find a way to take care of them.

Sounds to me like he's just looking for a cheap way out at your expense.

I think that whatever YOU as the Grandparent wish to do is what you need to do. Especially if you are retired and enjoying this phase of your life. I see a similar situauion over here on my end except I am not a grandparent.....I am an Aunt. My youngest brother and his wife just had a baby in March and well before the baby was born I told both of them to start looking for infant childcare and reserve a spot...NOW! Well, no one did that and Mommy went back to work and my brother thought he could work from home and take care of a 4 month old too. Hahahahaaa...right? It didn't work. I have 2 teen daughters who are now watching my niece 3 days a week for 6 hours so my brother can work. Granted, they get paid for their work but when they go back to school in a month, my brother and his wife are stuck. They informed me that our mother, who just recently retired at age 60, is going to have to watch the baby. Hmmmmm......since when? If my mother wants to watch her, then that's her choice. If not, I support that too. It's your life and you did not sign up to be a daycare just because your son has children and he cannot plan childcare well. Same thing goes for my own brother and his lack of planning or whatever it may be. This subject really burns my fanny.....I was 25 and 27 when I had my 2 daughters. I was living six states away with my husband and we had no family to help out. We did it all ourselves or had the kids in daycare. Why? Because they were OURS to raise and no one else's to take on. Some people....some parents...are poor planners and also impose on family and friends because of it. If you don't want to watch those kids, let your son know it and tell him that he was told to make other arrangements. Once the grandkids come to you, you are sucked into the vortex of poor planning and it will be hard to get out. I am so proud of myself and how my husband and I did things with our kids. My mother is GRANDMA. Not daycare, not a babysitter, and that's the way it is. You do what you want, N.....Your GRANDMA!!

Sounds like a typical male :-) I guess you live and learn from mistakes. I'd say you have three choice (1) baby sit (2) tell your son you'll baby sit based on your availability for X amount of time and he needs to start looking for a sitter or (3) just say no and he can forgo the gym until he figures out what to do.

Oh no! I must admit, I do love that my Mom is always available to help if I need her, but then again, I need to be respectful of her time, too. Two hours a day four times a week is excessive. You must feel like you're being taken for granted.

Tell your son that you heard how there are plenty of gyms that offer free baby-sitting service. Ask him to find one. Otherwise, you're unable to commit to such a limiting schedule. Good luck!

Considering for a few years...I took two kids everywhere with me, including having one on my lap for an eye exam, both kids strapped in a double stroller plied with snacks while being diagnosed with tonsillitis and pneumonia (still don't know how I even got us to the doctors office that day), grocery stores, gyms (mine had a daycare, only reason I joined that one), oh, my favorite both kids with me to have a pap smear...

I really hope he appreciates having you because you seem like a great grandma, who would be there to help in a heartbeat. I wish I had family to help...(I even spent 4 days with my daughter in the hospital when she had rsv...and my husband had to use vacation days to stay home with our son...) My dad and step-mom visited me one evening for about 20 minutes. They both run their own businesses and I can't call them to help me out they lose business.

Whatever you decide no days, one day or all four days...maybe you could let him read some of these responses to realize how blessed he is to have someone he could even think about asking to keep his kids "just to use the gym"...HUGS!!

I have an understanding with my parents that is I never feel bad to ask for anything, and they don't feel badi f they can't help out. Rarely is the answer no, but when it is, I understand. If my parents were watching my kids on a regular basis (more than once every few months for a dinner date) I'd pay them. Just beause you do not want to watch them that often, does not mean you do not love them. My parents see my 3 kids almost daily, but kids are a lot of work!! They do not want to be responsbile for them every day...they like to play the grandparent card and spoil the heck out of them :). Maybe ask if there is a daycare at the gym he uses or tell him he needs to find one that has a daycare and go there instead. And then offer to take them when you have the time and energy and won't be resentful. Good luck!!

Isn't there a gym he can find with included childcare? If not, he might need to look around for one that does. The only way I can go to the gym is to the one's that offer child care. If they don't then I know it's out of the question for me. My mom lives 5 minutes from me but I've never expected her to watch my kids. It's not her responsibility and if I do need her help, say for a doctors appt, then I pay her for her help, just like I would a sitter or childcare program. It's still cheaper to pay mom and I know my kids are safe and loved. My mom lives off of disability so she could always use the extra money so I don't have a problem paying it. Every family is different, many have family members who help out all the time with others kids and don't ask for a penny or expect anything in return. It doesn't make you a bad person to "not" watch the kids, he'll survive and find another way. This isn't a life or death situation for him, and it shouldn't be a big deal for him to find a gym that offers chlid care. Good luck and take care!

Send him a bill for child care hours worked and maybe he'll think twice about just taking you for granted. He's falling back on you because you've always said yes.

Unfortunately I live too far away from my family to rely on them for anything like child care while I go out to do anything. I found a YMCA near me that has two hours of child care for only a little extra each month so I can work out for two hours and my child is only a hallway away.

If the kids are overwhelming you and it's not a money situation, maybe you could find them a program that you take them to and pick them up from and send your son the bill. ;)

You are the grandparents NOT the parents. IF YOU CHOOSE to babysit that is up to you. Tell your son how often (if at all) you are willing to babysit and he will have to make other arrangements to workout. He should look into if his gym has short term child care many do. He might have to pay for what he has taken for granted.
I have 3 children and I am always checking with my parents if they want all the toghether time with my kids. We live right next door but that doesn't mean they have to have them. When they want them they are more than welcome but when they don't I tell the kids NO and keep them home. My parents have my kids so often I sometimes feel guilty but they always assure me that it is a choice and they are ok with it.
It is a privilage of mine to have my parents spend so much time with my kids but if I need actual babysitting (when I won't be home) then I always preplan it and make sure they know where I am going and how long I will be gone. I have enen offered to pay (and get told no way). I make up for it by feeding my parents often. I have to cook for my family of 5 so adding a little more is easy and I feel like I am giving something back by saving Mom the time.
Be firm and tell your son how much you love him and the kids but do not want the responsibility of babysitting. Tell him how often (again if at all) you are willing to have them and then stick to it. It is not like it was a babysitter didn't show up and his job depends on it it is a choice he made not to find day camp, babysitter, whatever and he knew when it would happen that he needed the help. DON'T FEEL GUILTY EITHER!!!!

Yes it's fair...but why pay for that when Grandma watches them for free?

Nanc

When I was working, my mom was tending my child. Then when my sister started working, she tended both children. I didn't think it was "fair" for my mother to tend 2 boys for so long each week. Although she never objected, I put my son and my sister put her son in preschool. My mother has already raised her family and so have you. I have to say that working out or not is not a bind. A bind is when you have no control over the situation. Sounds like he has control. He has time and means and a babysitter so he can work out.

Your son isn't in a bind, he's selfish. My answer would be something like - "oh, dear, you know I love those grandbabies! I'm available to watch them on . . . (whatever YOU are willing to do). I'm sorry, but I'm just not available any other time." You don't owe anyone an explanation of what you're doing or where you're going - period. You deserve a life too. Going to the gym isn't a necessity - sorry. If he pushes you to babysit any other time, simply say - I'm sorry, I can't. End of discussion. Perhaps he should find a gym with babysitting services or he should pay a babysitter. Good luck Grandma and stand your ground!

Well did you tell him you would not be available or did you just imply that he should put them in a summer program?
Your not under any obligation to babysit your grandkids. You could tell him you would definetley babysit the kids 1-2 times a week. Whatever you decide say it nicely and say it once. We loss ground when its repeated too many times.

I pay the gym an extra $20 a month to watch my two boys up to 2 hours a day 6 days a week. Your son should do the same thing!
If you want to spend time with them once a week, then I would tell your son, "I can't do it 4 times a week, but would love to have them every Monday." let him figure out the rest!
L.

Ok, i only skimmed the responses, but i think my response it not going to be very popular. But, here goes anyhow.
My mom and my mil are very different people. My mother was a single mother of 4, her parents died young, so she had NO help. her ex husband was a schmuck...she had no child support, no money, worked two jobs, etc. so, seriously, no help. My MIL was married to a marine, so not much help from him because he was usually stationed away from her. anyhow, her parents always helped..my husband is an only child, so it wasn't hard to help. With that being said, my mom works fulltime and always has...she offered to try and figure out a way to retire early to be able to watch my three kids....she understands what it's like to have no one to help. plus, i don't know about NY, but here is CA summer programs are extremely expensive...back to my point. my MIL is still married, does not work, lives less than .25 mile from me...(my mom lives 30 miles from me..and in CA traffic we're talking an hour), and for example has been visiting relatives for a month and a half, got home on Monday and has yet to see my children. have i mentioned she lives 5 minutes from me...walking. every summer I struggle to find childcare for my kids. three kids in a summer program is $4220 for the summer. i don't have that. so i lean on friends and family. my mom takes vacation time to be with my kids for a week or so, and my MIL can't even take the time after not seeing them for more than a month to come get a hug even. my three year old doesn't even know her very well.
so, fair is not the right word...he isn't asking you to watch them all day 5xs a week for the whole summer. he's asking you for 8 hours a week out what maybe 60-70 awake hours a week. is it really that much? i don't think you should have to rearrange your work schedule for him to work out, but if you have the opportunity to build a loving, trusting relationship with your grandsons, why not? as a parent who works out 6xs a week, (after the kids are in bed, thank you to my husband), the work out is a release for me. i live a very hectic life, being a driver, counselor (i have three girls two on which are tweens, nuff said), cook, clean, manage a home, my husband and i both work FT out of the home..i need that hour and half or ill go crazy. i have dedicated my life to my children, but if you don't leave a little fraction of the day for some r&r regardless of how you get it, you'll lose your mind.
don't get me wrong, i don't get upset with my MIL for her lack of interest in my kids, i know she does the best she can with what she has, and raised an amazing son, that I fall more and more in love with everyday. i appreciate her for that. but really, without my mom's help, past, present and future, my life would be very very different. she comes over every friday to hang with the kids so my husband and i can go grocery shopping, run errands, etc etc. those few hours makes my life so much easier...
my point is, fair is not the right word...opportunity i think is better. you have an opportunity. does it have to be etched in stone four days two hours a day..no. take it day by day...have your son call and check in, hey got time for my work out day? generally, yes...but sometimes you'll say no. maybe he can workout around your schedule?
also, the daycare at my gym sucks...just a bunch of teenage girls standing around chatting. i don't take my kids there.
again, i can't stress enough how much my workouts mean to me, sounds stupid, but it's true. i also can't put into words the appreciation i feel for my mom..she is my hero..
i hope this gives a little different perspective...and honestly, if you choose not to do this, thats ok to. people build relationships in many different ways. :)

With all due respect to you.
Two hours a day doesn't seem like
much to ask for.
You are the grandma, why is it that you feel
like it is too much trouble for you to
spend two hours a day to help your family?

You all could paint, color, play in the yard, watch a fun movie together.

This is family helping/loving family.

Again this is with respect, that I ask this question.
I am not trying to kick you.

Take care.

Kimmy K you sound just like her son - someone who expects things done for them...They are your kids take care of them yourself.....

Sorry N. but why should your son have paid for a summer program when he has you? He totally took advantge of you being good natured. I don't doubt that you love your grandchildren but it's not your job to watch them so he can work out.