My Friend Is Enabling 8 Yr Old's Obesity!

Hi T., sometimes you just have to get real with people and if they get angry then they get angry, their just being prideful. An 8 year old can not really stand up for themselves, and 130 for an 8 year old is bad, my daughter is 21 and she is five feet and 9 inches and she only weights 122 pounds, be real, be honest, be tackful, if you gets angry that's on her. J.

There are plenty of people who voluntarily seek counseling but do things to resisit it. To make sure they still feel they are in control. She knows it's bad but feels she is in counseling so she is working in the right direction but isn't convinced yet that this is the right path for her and family. She might have put everyone in counseling to show she cares, but is still going to make her own dicisions. It's a control issue plain and simple. You could ask her what would the counselor think if she saw all this food, blah, blah , blah. She'll probably just get mad at you for pointing out she is sabotaging everyones's progress. Next time you go out where you all take food why don't you say I'll provide lunch and snack, bet you 10 bucks she'll still bring food that's inappropriate because she needs to be in control.

T.,
this is a tricky one, you could tell her, but I wouldn't be surprised if she got angry at you for saying it. On the other hand, I would definitely tell her about the choices, help her come up with a healthy meal plan, she will realize that a healthy meal plan, allows for the things she and her kids like (without excess) which is what its all about!!!. In my opinion, a real friend is the one who speaks the truth, even if the other doesnt like what she is going to get. Hopefully she will understand that it is not you coming all high and mighty about how much better your food choices are, it is about you carefully letting her know there are better things for her diet and her kids whom you really care about!. Hope you find it helpful. Good Luck!!! =)

Even though your intentions may be good, unless you have the type of friendship where you can pretty much say it as it is, she may become offended and it could make it worse.

I think the best thing you can go is to continue to set good examples. When you go on outings pack healthy lunches and/or snacks. You could also offer to bring the meal or snacks (if budget allows it), or say something like rather than both of us making meals, I have lots of xxxx, why don't you just bring along some fresh fruit, etc. When you have her over, only serve healthy food. You could try talking to her about it by asking her advise and opinions like "I've been looking to add more dried beans into our diet, has your nutritionist recomended anything to you?". Or you try giving suggestions like "I been dealing with the heat so much better this past week since I started drinking more water" or "I tried this great new recipe last night, I think you might like it, so I wrote it down for you".

Try to make your friend more active. A lot of people, I'm the perfect example, aren't really motivated to exercise. But if a friend says "the kids and I are going on a nature walk, would you like to come along", 9 times out of 10 I'll go.

Good luck.

i think that your friend is going in the right direction getting counseling for the entire family. it sounds as the issue is pretty deeply engrained and will require a large, conscious effort to change.

you can support your friend and her daughter by always offering good food and activity choices when you are together and being a good model.

Good nutrition is only half the battle. The entire family needs to get involved in some form of physical activity. In my community, several families are enrolled in the local martial arts program, as a family. My family and I did this for years. Some other ideas include morning walks, family yard clean up days, etc.

Good nutrition is half the battle. But, physical activity must be an integral part of the plan. Perhaps you could suggest some fun ways to "move" to your friend, then it's a positive suggestion and not a negative statement about the attempts at good nutrition.

It's tough. Some folks just don't want to hear it. Good luck.

If she is your good friend, you should be able to discuss your concerns with her. She may get angry with you, but hopefully she will eventually see that you are trying to help her and more importantly her 8 year old daughter. For goodness sakes, that is terrible that a mother would allow her young daughter to get that big. Especially in the society we live in now, kids can be so cruel. She is setting her kids up for a very unhappy future. :( I don't think she's really that clueless, I think a lot of people just choose the easy way out (consciously or subconsciously). Those fruit smoothie drinks are LOADED with calories - in a situation like that, maybe you can look over the nutritional guide together prior to ordering. Every fast food place has them available now. YIKES. How many other children does she have? Are they all overweight? If you know anything about her program, maybe contact the director or counselor?! I would do something... because she is your friend.

Maybe she should sit down and watch "Super-Size Me" it's on Hulu (free internet movie site) right now.

Honestly I just don't think she sees what she is doing. If she got into the habit of eating and feeding her kids home cooked food, the fast food would taste terrible to all of them. Take it from me! My two year old won't touch a chicken nugget, he takes a bite and spits it out. I make mine at home using boneless skinless chicken breast, dipped in egg and bread crumbs and fried in olive oil, then baked in the oven to cook them thoroughly.

It's hard but I think you should start encouraging her to cook for her family instead of driving through anywhere. And seriously,have her watch that movie!

you should show her this memo thaat you you have written if she wants her child to grow up to be a healthy aduk=lt she had ti changeher feaedinfhabits please encougre her good luck A.

Whatever you do, you will need to find a way to do it in love or she will only get defensive. My sister has problems with her weight and its because of her eating. I see her give her three year old sugary snacks all day long because she wants them. He's not showing signs of being overweight yet but it worried me. I simply told her, "if you eat it, he's going to eat it". I said it in the most compassionate way, trying not to be judgmental. But its up to her. Its more important to me that she knows I love and accept her than to make an issue out of it. I respect her as a mother and will try to keep my mouth shut. But, there is such a huge range in sensibilities about what is appropriate to feed your child. If you are unable to respect her for this you might as well speak your peace. Hopefully your friendship is strong enough she can come to see the truth and not be angry at you for long.

OMG! This is so common!
They want to cut the weight, but they undermine themselves!! I wish I had the answer for you, but I don't. There is a boy in my son's class - senior in high school. He can't walk the length of the classroom without stopping to catch his breath. He is at least 350 pounds... it's the saddest thing ever. The mother enables. The mother allows food to comfort - for herself and her kids.
So - we will continue to watch these poor children get heavier and heavier...
One of these days the kids will want to lose the weight and they will - until that happens, they will be fat.
LBC

Even though you have concerns for your friend and her family, they are adults making choices and it is their business. Your concern is bordering on codependence and making an issue in the friendship over this would allow her to feel victimized and fuel her inability to commit to her program. If you have a compulsion to get in her business further, the careful way to approach the situation is to ask how her program is going, is the program working for her, what results is she seeking. Make it her responsibility and allow her to be accountable for her choices.

Good luck,
Wendy

Geez.... this is like a form of child negligence....
and she 'blames' her Husband... but it is actually an ENTIRE family's dynamic and dysfunctional behavior.

At least she got the daughter in a program which counsels the whole family.
But things will NOT change, unless the ENTIRE family does.
Her daughter, CANNOT do this, alone. She is only a child... only 8.5 years old.

The Mom, seems to have deep entrenched bad ideas, about food and her own weight issues. So that is another, problem, on top of her daughter's problem.

Next, as her daughter gets older, and if not already, she will be teased, socially ostracized... and have social/emotional problems, may have school peer problems... unless she is a confident girl, in and of herself.

If you say something, and depending on how close your relationship is with her... she may very well just resent you (because she is in DENIAL about the whole issue with her daughter and family)... or she will derive mature commiserating about it, WITH you.

This is a problem... of the entire family... and their daughter, is a symptom of that... and her health... is at risk too. Childhood Diabetes, high-blood pressure etc. Which is exhibited in many children...

your friend... has the "habit" and behavior, which makes her blame the over-weight problem, as not 'hers.' She does not 'own' her problem... nor her daughter's weight issues. That is sad. It will not change... nor over-night.

If and when her daughter has real health problems or ends up in a hospital... maybe then, that will be her hitting rock bottom... and realizing, how SERIOUS this is.
Like any other, "addiction."

all the best,
Susan