My First Child Is Starting School and I'm Terrified!!

It is tough but you got to let them go. She is just beginning her independence and you should feel proud that she wants to go. I just don't understand parents that want to keep their children dependent. You can't be with her physically but you will always be with her mentally because little girls look up to their mothers so much! You need to keep a positive outlook so she can have a positive experience. You are her strength. Pretty soon she will be singing all the cute songs and showing you all the fun games that she learns in school. It will all be worth it in the end.

There's not much that you CAN do to "make sure" that they're okay. The best thing that you can do is to raise them to be resilient and forgiving people. It sounds like you've probably done that already, so she will be fine, I'm sure.

However, for your own peace of mind, maybe you should write her a letter expressing all of your feelings on this huge milestone. Make sure that you get out everything that you need to. Keep it and give it to her someday when HER oldest goes to their first day of pre-school. Getting it off your chest will help at any rate. (Hey it always works with recurring dreams after all...it's worth a shot!) :)

Best of luck!!

I remember crying when my first daughter went to kindergarden. Somehow, it wasn't the same for preschool, but that was with a very dear community friend who felt like a sister to me and my daughter had been at her home many times before.

You say your daughter is well behaved, friendly, and sweet...I'm sure she is absolutely adorable. I promise, so will the other kids be. I promise the teacher will also be and will work so hard to make sure that all the ways children are learning will not hurt anyone else beyond the simple bumps and slight emotional bruises we all get once in awhile as we grow. If you have any concerns AFTER your daughter has been there awhile, or you have any reason to believe there is a problem, by all means, find a preschool where you feel absolutely certain of the teacher, the methods, and the other children.

Hang out for awhile..most preschool teachers will welcome parents for a little while, and SHOULD also welcome unobtrusive visiting at any time, especially if you offer to help out in the classroom in some way at those times. Maybe you could help do reading time, or just sit in circle time at the opposite end of the circle as the teacher, to model for the children and help them participate. Helping at snack time or art time or any time is usually so much appreciated as long as you don't try to take over the methods the teacher uses.

Your little baby girl is growing up a little bit, and this is a big step for both of you, no doubt at all. It is bittersweet--just as that first step, first smile, first word, first hug--all the great and wonderful firsts that mean your little one is doing just as she should and you are a good and loving parent but also mean that she is gradually moving away from that smallness that you hold so precious. But she needs friends--and a friendly little girl will make lots of them. And she needs to learn how to handle herself even when others aren't perfectly attuned to her every need as you have been so admirably during the years when that WAS what she needed. You have given her roots, now you must give her wings. Just little baby ones--she's not leaving the nest yet.

When I read Khahlil Gibrahn, his poem about children is the most profound for me:
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and the daughters of Life's yearning for itself. They come through you, but they are not of you and though they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."

Many hugs, much empathy, and a few tears of recognition as I look at my "baby" brushing her hair and beginning to act premenstrual and getting all excited about starting middle school next year. And yes, I still have the photo of her all thrilled in her special pink and purple outfit with matching backpack filled with a snack that she took to her first day of preschool. And once in awhile, I still long for that little girl who only looked to me as her "special best friend", even as I thrill with excitement as I see what she is becoming all on her own.

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Can you pin point where your fears are coming from? Did you have bad experiences in school? Are you overly attached to the child? Is it just "1st child syndrome"?

I think I'm in the minority with moms. People always told me I would cry when my oldest started school, and then my next and now my triplets are starting kindergarten in a few weeks. People told me I'd cry when my oldest grew up and moved out. People always told me I would be upset with this or that. I really wasn't! Maybe it's because I had such a poor childhood that seeing my kids do neat things, and being sure they had Mom being positive and fun which Mom didn't get as a child was important to me. I get excited for my kids when they do these things! LOL I love it! I get bummed when I can't be a fly on the wall to watch them do all these things.

I think you just have to do your best to shift gears and think about all the good friends and good kids that will be there with your child. Most kids are fine. Once in a while a class may get a turd bird in the bunch but mostly the kids are fun and running around doing their own thing. At 4 years old kids don't peck at each other yet. That'll happen later and by then your child will have the skills to handle them (punch them in the nose, lol). You have to trust the teachers to guide and teach the children. You have to trust your child that they know how to deal with other children. Remember, the other children are in the SAME boat as your child. The other parents are in the same boat as you! They're wondering how your child is going to treat their child. Then you find out you had nothing to worry about and will just revel in all the crafts they bring home and all their stories.

YOU WILL LOVE IT!!!!!! You're more worried than she is. Follow your child's lead.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
23, married w/child
15, starting high school
5, triplets starting kindergarten

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I was PTA President at our daughters elementary school and at her middle school. What I discovered is that the kids do great, it is the parents that lose it! We used to have a coffee and tissue meet and greet the first morning of school so the parents could get a hug, a tissue and a cup of coffee. We would have a huge crowd of all types of parents, even the parents who had been there for years, crying because this would be their childs last year in elementary or the baby in the families kinder year..

Your daughter is going to love it.. They are in kindergarten all in a new situation together. The Kinder teachers LOVE their students. They are nervous and excited too!

You need to be strong and encouraging for your daughter. Remember this is not about you, it is about your daughter. She is going to come home every afternoon full of new experiences! Become as involved in the school as possible. Meet other parents, they will be a lifeline for you.

You can do this. Remember to take a photo of her the first morning with her back pack.. you can continue this through High School!

I am sending you strength.

I have been teaching Pre-K for 8 years and now am about to start teaching Kindergarten. I have seen lots of parents have a hard time when their child goes to school for the first time. What I have learned is that it really is harder on the parents than the kids. Most kids adjust very well and others take a little while longer.
I highly encourage you to give your daughter a kiss and a hug, walk her in, meet the teacher, and then go. The longer you stick around, it makes it harder on the both of you. And if she sees you crying, it will make her cry too. The first week is the hardest and after that, the rest of the year, I have kids (and parents) who were crying in the beginning, that will walk in with big smiles on their face. I give my kids lots of hugs all the time and I think it makes the transition easier.
It may help you if you feel more involved in her education. You can volunteer at the school to help or go on field trips and things like that. That will help you also because you will see all the things that she is doing at school. Hugs to you and good luck. The very first day is the hardest.

You could always home school...but I think your daughter will do just fine. I would say don't start out by hanging around the kinder class too long or volunteering, introduce your daughter give her a few minutes to get acclimated and then leave, your daughter doesn't need to be around your stress/fear/neediness on first day of kinder or she will act that way too.

I know exactly how you feel. I went into a deep depression when my first daughter started Kindergarten. Her sister and I lay in bed crying for 3 weeks straight. It was BAD. The same happened again when she ended first grade and when my younger daughter went through Kindergarten registration. It never gets "all better", but it does get better. To be honest, my first daughter had a horrible Kindergarten experience. The teacher sucked, there were difficult kids in the classroom that she couldn't manage, and she learned nothing. First grade was amazing. She had a great teacher, and she warmed up a lot more-- I also took a very active volunteering role that year. It gave my younger daughter a chance to get acclimated to the school as well. I won't sugar-coat everything for you, but we all come to the realization that "that is life". Nobody is going to have awesome teachers for the whole 13 years they are in grade school, and every year brings its own transitions. It is all bittersweet. So, cry, stress, worry, but then accept... I won't tell you not to b/c I know it is pointless.

This is the downside (ok, one of the downsides) of being a mom. If we do our jobs right, they leave. We send them out in to the big scary world with only the protection of knowing right from wrong and the knowledge that they are loved. It's hard, isn't it?

Sounds like your little girl is doing great, but you need to figure out why you are having such a hard time. Kids cry. Kids get their feelings hurt. It is going to happen-- you cried as a child, you made other kids cry. You got your feelings hurt, and you hurt others' feelings. Is there something from those experiences that is causing you such anxiety? Maybe you need to speak to someone to deal with these problems so you can do your job and send your daughter of with a hug and a smile.

Have you read "Llama Llama Misses Mama?" together? Llama llama (of Red Pajama fame) goes to preschool for the first time, and discovers that he "Loves Mama... and school too." That's a great book about going to preschool for the first time.

My son has been in daycare 2 days a week since he was 3 months old, and I couldn't be happier about the experience. He's got good friends, is adaptable to new situations, does fine without me (but is so happy to see me at the end of the day), knows all his numbers and letters (at 2 1/2). He loves school, and so do I! And so will your daughter... and you, too! Good luck!

Oh my goodness, you could be me! I'm so glad you posted this, because I am in the same boat with my son. I don't have any advice, just know that you're not alone, and it's great for me to know that I'm not alone in this either. I keep thinking "this is the beginning of the end" and that this is starting the process of him moving away from me. Makes me so sad, nervous, uneasy, scare, etc. Maybe I just need to lighten up? I feel like time with him is slipping away. Yet I know that he'll have fun, and this will be good for him, and good for me too. I'm going to read all the responses now, since I obviously need help! Good luck to you!

Ouch! It really is hard at those pivotal moments we all face to let go a little bit. It sounds like you really do want the best for her and love her dearly but are stuck in a difficult place. Emotions run deep and as you have probably figured out, it isn't something you can just talk yourself out of. If it were that simple, we'd all be sailing through life with ease. Your feelings are real and very legal! And the best part is that you are aware of and searching for solutions - and it sounds like you'd like to get at the bottom of why you are feeling and reacting this way and that's where you will find the freedom and can then really celebrate your daughter's adventures in life. Best to you! --- Let me know if you'd like to learn a bit more about this. Glad to be a resource for you.

Instead of focusing on what you are losing, focus on the Great things that are going on in her life now. Talk to her about her new freinds, her teacher, books she is reading. Become involved at her school, even volunteering in her class. This is a transition not and end, and you can choose to still be every bit a part of her life as you are now.

I had a friend that had a child at the same school. We made a date for the 1st six yrs of school. We would drop them off and then go eat breakfast. That way we could let our emotions out!! Your kids take their cues from you even if you don't want them to and you don't want her thinking she did something wrong or you don't like school. As a parent who just dropped her kid off at college, It is one of the toughest things to do as a parent but you have to!!

I understand excatly what you are talking about. My boys have been in the same daycere since they are 3 months old. I work full time. Now my oldest is going to be starting Kindergarten, and I'm a wreck. He is excited about it. I am nervous about the bus as well as him being somewhere new. This is also causing me to change daycares, which I am sick over. I don't think my youngest is going to accept change well. I am considering so many other options with my job so I do not have to switch daycares and I can be the one to put my oldest on and off the bus. I am sure this is due to my younger days of being moved around so many times. They are my kids and my responsibility and I hate having other people responsible for them. I trust no one. It is a horrible feeling. I am also so anxious about this I feel sick often and my brain is wrecked with trying to come up with a way to make this work for me and the kids. I understand exactly how you feel, but as much as it scares the hell out of us, we have to do it. I am hoping things work out and time will help me cope. Good luck. I get it!

I hope you know your daughter doesn't HAVE to go to preschool to be prepared for kindergarten. My daughter is 4 and she isn't going to preschool this year. I'm going to enjoy my last year home with her before she goes to kindergarten.

Hi, H.,
Are your fears coming from your experiences as a child in school?

Just want to know. D.

You can homeschool! We do & our children are doing great! We have a ton of extracurricular activities, but we are in charge of their education. No one has your child's best interest at heart more than you!

H., just hang i there and remain positive about school. It's WAAAAAAY harder on the moms than it is on the kids. We all go through it.

Start by realizing she doesn't "have to" go. She can choose to go, or not go, since it sounds like you would still be available to care for her if she doesn't. It also sounds like she wants to try it. So, if she likes it, she stays, and if she doesn't, she quits. Lots of choices.

I totally agree with Amanda...you are not alone. My daughter is just a year old, and I already think these same things. It sounds like Mom of Three's advice is the best. We need to realize the transition is harder on us mothers than on our children. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. I hope she has a wonderful school year.