My son is 5 next month, has SPD and is usually fine at drop-off parties. I find he is not too much more worked up than the other party guests (kids + cake + excitement = a lot of energy for everyone) and he is good about keeping some things under control for the short amount of time a party requires.
However, he has been attending friend birthday parties since he was one and is pretty used to what goes on and usually has spent a lot of time with the guest of honor and other attendees.
Last year we did have one drop-off party where I had to stay. It was at a house he had not been to and was playing fine for the first two minutes until The Little Mermaid showed up. That is something that will set him off and he clung to me like a starfish for the next hour, venturing only to peek around the corner at the activities before finally getting the courage to interact. Then he had a great time! I hated it because I didn't know the host at all and I had no one to talk to once he started to play. :(
Unless your son is experiencing a lot of problems at school, on play dates, whatnot, due to his behavior, I wouldn't worry. He might even dial back the fireball and be a little shy at first instead. And I have seen plenty of energetic little girls!
You can certainly ask to stay, without having to go into too much detail, and enjoy the event either with him or from the sidelines. You might want to check with him to see if he would feel embarrassed if you attended. Whatever makes you both comfortable is what is best.