My Daughter Was Sneaky

It sounds like you already have the answer - explain to her the wrong-doing and give her a consequence. You say she is a great kid, so help her stay that way by teaching her that every decision in life has a consequence.

How do you know she isn't playing with it in school? I teach 9 year olds and it's such in a paint , b/c half the class is glued to their phones and I am constantly having to ask them to pay attention.

I would personally take it away for a few days and explain to her why its not okay to just take it without permission.

I would take away the iPod for a week. She thought she could get something by you and that's not ok. If you're too easy on her, this could escalate into other things she does without permission. I would explain to her why she was wrong and what the consequence is for her poor choice.

I would take the iPod away for 24-48 hours and have the discussion about why it was wrong to sneak and lie about it. Even if she didn't lie to your face - she knew what she was doing was wrong- that is why she was smiling. Just becuase she struggles accademically, does not mean she shouldn't have consequences for her behavior. Just my 2 cents - you can take it or leave it.

I am a Mom with an 11 year old daughter who also has and Ipod touch and also has a long bus ride to school. Here is what I would do.

Have a discussion with her about your concerns regarding her bringing the Ipod touch to school. Are you afraid it will be lost or stolen? Explain she needs to have it securely locked in her locker at all times during the day. Make sure she understands no matter how careful she is, she is taking a huge risk, as her Ipod is small and valuable, and will be a big draw for theives. Are you afraid she will be tempted to use it during the day when she is supposed to be doing her school work? Find out what your school's policy is regarding electronics and and tell her you fully expect compliance or school consequences will be fully backed along with addtional consequences at home. Are you afraid she will be exposed to inappropriate content? Share your concerns. Monitor and review her useage, and let her know there will be consequences for HER for any inappropriate material, even if sent to her by someone else. Are you afraid of bullying and mean girl behavior? Tell her this kind of thing tend to be magnified a hundred times worse by her being out there in the cyberspace world. Ask her how she would handle a horribly mean and anonymous text. Because this is what happens in middle schools. It is epidemic.

Once you're on the same page with the concerns, I would tell her you are leaving the decision on bringing the Ipod to school up to her from now on, unless it becomes an issue, at which point you will no longer allow it. (unless there is a school rule against it). But if it gets stolen, you will not replace it. Good luck!

My son thinks he can just pick my phone up and start playing any game he wants to wich makes me mad when I go to look for it to use it and its not where I left it. I take it off him and tell him if he asks I will say yes but if he doesn't ask then he is done for the day. I also tell my kids if they lie to me they will be in more trouble for lying then for whatever they lied about(they are 8and 5 so its usually something harmless like saying they brushed their teeth and me finding the toothbrush still has toothpaste in it or something harmless. I would take it from her for X amount of time and tell her that she would have been able to take it and now she can't have for however long you decide. I wouldn't ground her or anything.

I would remove the iPod from her for a week.

I have good kids too, but I still don't allow them to have their expensive electronics on the bus or at school. Too much risk of it being stolen and too much distraction from studies. And I'm a bit of a stickler for this sort of thing so they don't get their techie stuff during the week at all. Only on weekends, holidays, vacations, days off, sick days. If it's a school day or a school night then they don't get it. Period. Studies and grades suffer otherwise, and then they have the privilege to work toward all week.

I say "lose it" for a time period as punishment (not too long but enough to feel like a punishment and warn that next time -- and there shouldn't be one -- will be more severe consequences). Of course my parents were big "grounders" from things we were using that we shouldn't have been....like watching TV without permission led to no TV for a set period of time when I was a kid.

Why is it wrong? Is she not supposed to take it from the house w/o permission? Is it not allowed at school? Do you want her to read or socialize on the bus rather than chill? I know the ipod touch has more capabilities than an iPod -- do you feel it needs to be used with supervision? I dunno, I'm wondering if this is one of those areas you SHOULD give her more control over and not micromanage, thus making life more difficult for the both of you. Not that you shouldn't take it away for a couple of days, "because she disobeyed your rule," but after that maybe you should change the rule.

I don't understand why it was wrong if you said that you would've let her do it?? If you want her to ask your permission then I guess you just sit her down and say "You need to ask before you take your i-pod to school with you."

I randomly say to the kids "backpack check!!" right when we are getting ready to leave. Sometimes I find things I shouldn't and sometimes I don't. I have told the kids in the past that I don't like liars and if they are honest and ask, I too will probably just let them take it. However, if I find something in there, then they lose it for a week and I remind them that if I cannot trust them now, how am I going to trust them when they want do drive and go out???? So hopefully they get it! Good luck!!!

At our daughters schools, if you take an ipod, or electronic game etc.. and are caught with it, it is confiscated and the PARENT AND Child have to go to pick it up from the Asst. Principals office.

They really try to discourage these being at school, mostly because they can so easily be "lost".. The school states over and over they will not be responsible for the loss of any of these things on campus.

Well, first of all... do you have a rule that says she's not allowed to take the iPod to school? It doesn't sound like that. So why did she do something wrong? Unless you have a rule that's spelled out, I wouldn't punish her. Perhaps just sit her down and tell her that in the future you don't want her taking her iPod and that you feel like she was trying to be sneaky today and that disappoints you.

Does not sound like much of an offense since you would have let her anyway. I would remind her that you want her to ask before hand, and that she is aware of the risks of potentially losing the iPod.

I would continue to enjoy reading that obvious poker face! Don't let her know how easy she is to spot in a lie :)