My Daughter Takes Food and Hides to Eat from Others

a lot of ppl have already answered you, so I just want to throw in a few thoughts for you. First off, you seem to have a belief that eating too many sweets will cause diabetes since there is a family history. As someone else mentioned, diabetes is a disease that will happen or not
happen, and eating sweets will not trigger it. No, sweets aren't good for them, but it doesn't trigger diabetes. Secondly, the one thing that no one else addressed... I'm mostly concerned that she had egg rolls in her closet. Unrefrigerated. YUCK - I would have a serious discussion with her about germs such as listeria and salmonella. Food borne illnesses. She could even DIE. You do NOT leave certain foods unrefridgerated!
My other thought is that to a degree, she is normal for being selfish. It is how a human is wired. No, it isn't polite, but normal.

I would def talk to a family counselor. I've seen kids hoard "junk" they dont really need, we've seen the hoarders on TV. It's not a matter of not wanting to share, or actually wanting more stuff, it's a matter of they feel something is missing from their lives and how can they fill it up..... An experienced counselor might be able to fix this problem, not just force her to stop which could push her to hoard something else or find another way to fill the void.

I'm ADHD-c
My son is ADHD-c

So please take this in the spirit meant... A eyewidening 'Lightbulb!' Recognition moment halpened as I was reading.

Gifted + Disorganized + Homework issues + Erratic performance + Creative =
WAVING flags for ADHD-i or ADHD-c.

Girl+Preadolescent = another sign.

Because girls are PREDOMINANTLY diagnosed at apx age 10 (9-11). Why? Because even ADHD-h girls tend to small muscle movements (making faces, wiggling ties and fingers, keigles, nose twitching, tongue twisting, hair twirling... Things that are annoying if noticed, but DONT disrupt classrooms. Small motor instead of gross motor. ADHD-I or ADHD-c? Forget about it!!!! The intense concentration on interesting subjects or animated teachers gets them labeled as 'lazy', 'willful', 'stubborn', underperforming/ "just doesn't TRY"/ COULD be capable if she put forth the effort, erratic, etc. UNTIL (if they're lucky) age 10ish. When homework starts to really count, AND other kids are able to stay organized.

And then, all the SUBTLE signs click.

There are a LOT of signs for ADHD that most people just aren't familiar with ((like giftedness, creativity, intense GOOD emotions (such a joy), empathy, tenacious, curious, sensitive, sensory processing stuff (good and bad... Like loving hugs, loooooooving certain foods/clothes/art/pick a sensory thing as well as tantrums over invisable scratchy things/ "identical" food they liked yesterday...but is actually slightly different, light, noise, pick a sensory thing), needing to "see" everything (piling systems instead of filing systems), the lists of what most people don't know gets much longer, but I'll stop here EXCEPT....

Since it directly relates to your Q:

(So does the stockpiling, by the by... ADHD people are often terrified of not having what's 'needed / wanted', we're not hoarders, but we're terrible pack rats. There will be NO way we're hungry, cold, short on ballet tights, etc... But we'll stash food, jackets that don't fit, ballet tights with holes, etc. Along with piles of notebooks, games, toys we haven't played with in years... Etc. Having 'stuff' makes us feel secure in nearly all cases. Even when its WRAPPERS. Its a byproduct of many things... In large part out memory quirks, our impulse control, our distraction right before we're going to toss something or put it away, and our emotional attachment to things that spark memories. But I digress. If we went about it in a more organized fashion we'd be poster children for 'Always Prepared' instead of 'I KNOW I have that around here, somewhere!')

Oh. Most people don't know (outside of the 2e &/or gifted community... But that first flag? Giftedness? ADHD kids are nearly always gifted. Giftedness is 'just' a brain that processes and stores information differently than neurotypical people. The 'problem' with ADHD & giftedness is that we have to actually be interested in it in order to focus. Otherwise its like going to a lecture in Arabic. No matter how easy it is for everyone else to pay attention, its impossible for our brains to grasp what's going on when we're bored. So ADHD kids, instead of being out in CHALLENGING classes & coursework are given even MORE boring work, fail even harder, given even easier work, fail harder again... And its a downward spiral. Add in the off the wall questions (that gifted teachers encourage, because they're used to off the wall questions relating 2-6 steps down the line, and roll with it. Gifted teachers are also often used to that same über-fast chain creating wrong answers on too easy work. Ex) (5+8= spiders have 8 legs, spiders are not insects, addition, Im doing addition, spiders+ insects= food chain. If you had 5 spiders, and 8 insects... How would that divide equally? Add more bugs. 5+8 = 15 so that each spider gets 3 bugs... Instead of 5+8=13.

Ahem. Confused, yet? Ever see your daughter just STARE at a worksheet, or make seemingly careless mistakes while working diligently? The above is an example of ADHD thought.

Its also why so many ADHD people become scientists and doctors and artists. Seeing connections that others don't. Synthesizing the pieces into a cohesive whole. Means you end up with red marks all over your worksheets, but fellowships & awards once you're in "your" field.

I know I've thrown a lot of stuff up here, but really...

www.additudemag.com

Go check it out and see if you see your daughter in these bright & often challenging kids.

All my best :)
R

I didn't read all the responses so I don't know if anyone else said this.

Please get your daughter evaluated by a professional, just in case. She may be food hiding because of the restrictions, etc. BUT, hiding food behaviors is not good, and the LAST thing you need is a pre-teen with an eating disorder. If she can polish off an entire cake in 10 minutes, that's not good either. Something is off kilter, and all the conversation about how bad it is to hide it, not share it, etc., won't change a thing if there is something medically/physically or psychologically wrong.

Get her to a doctor. At lease you'll know what's up, and you won't end up wasting angry and frustrated feelings if it's deeper than "selfish kid" behavior.

I don't have experience with this, but a close friend of mine does. Her daughter is 8 and has the same thing going on. She gets in trouble at school quite frequently, for stealing food from friends or staff, and hiding it.

For my friend's daughter, this is a coping behavior. She has found comfort in food, and is using it to fill the hole trauma left years ago.

From what I understand, a lot of people find comfort in food. And often this begins early on in life, as a child. I wonder, could something be going on for your daughter? I mean, is it possible that she's not just being naughty, but that this happens compulsively, and before she's even thought about it? Is she distressed in other aspects of her life?

Just a thought. I am likely way off base. Good luck either way.

We started having the same food issues and actually some of the other things you mention with my daughter last year. She is 9 too. We have been able to turn a lot of it around. My daughter has a major sweet tooth so I'm always trying different things to make sure she has some control over her choices and she doesn't go overboard or feel like sneaking sweets.

Giving your daughter some control over things might help. What if you asked her to divide and serve the food for each person for dinner. She would need to be guided to serve everyone before herself and she would need to ask how much they would like...or you would need to help her give more to the adults for example. This wouldn't be a consequence for the food in her room, just a way to show how we think of others at mealtimes. She could also help cook with you. My daughter and I made an elaborate meal together recently and she was so very proud to serve it to the family.

For snacks and treats, maybe she gets to choose the dessert after dinner and help select treats from the store or add them to your shopping list. She can look forward to that selection and feel like he had a little say in what she got to eat. As for the egg rolls, I'd try asking her next time if she wants 2 or 4 (or whatever number you are comfortable with for the two choices) and make it clear that she can only eat that many that day, but if she wants more you can make them together the next day. Again, giving her control, since she gets to choose how many she gets. I have done this with my kids. "Do you want 5 jellybeans or 10?" Of course they pick 10 and think they are getting a huge perk! Or I'll ask my daughter to serve either 6 or 8 yogurt covered pretzels to herself and her brother and she gets to pick the number. She is very honest when I give her control. It's interesting.

I really wouldn't worry about most of what you mention. It's so very normal for a child to want to keep some goodies for themselves and having trouble sharing can really a personality thing. Some kids are extremely generous and some need more guidance in that area.

I found candy wrappers in my son's room a while back. We also have a rule of not having food upstairs. I found them behind his bed and just made a little joke about it and kind of smiled at him and said, "you know you can ask me for treats if you really feel you need one". He smiled back and made up some excuse about his behavior and that was the last of it. We haven't had a problem since then.

As for the messy, disorganized room. I know how that goes. :) Start helping her with a routine. Each evening you help declutter her room for 15 min together. Or, we've actually cleaned (didn't get rid of any treasures) our daughter's room to give her a fresh start without her. Then we help her each night to pick up for a few minutes before she gets a story. We actually do this with both of the kids and it drastically helps with keeping things up.

Anyway, I'd go easy on her and not make a big deal of it. Give her some control, keep up the healthy foods and teach her not to eat while watching TV and all those key food issues..eat slowly, portion control, etc. Sorry this is so long, but I have struggled with many of these same issues. :)

Id say she is not the only 9 yr old who doesnt want to share! With siblings that young, I bet she sacrifices quite a bit of your time and her patience.
Don't be too harsh with her.

Logical consequences would dictate something to do with her sweets.
Next time she can't have those particular treats?

In the Mean time, make sure she has plenty of one on one time with you. Something special she shares with you or she can have without her siblings. She just might be filling a void that's not in her tummy.

She might be a food hoarder. It's a control issue. Research it.

Just curious..when you asked her Why she did it, what did she say?

I'm thinking that diabetes just isn't a good enough reason (in your daughters eyes) to not eat sweets. Children (and even young adults) have a hard time grasping that decisions today can have long-term effects. If it really is just about the sweets, and not a behavioral issue, I think she just needs to know that there is a time and a place for sweets, but that if she lies to mommy, those times will be taken away for a set amount of time.

Just remember, she is ONLY 9, and children often need reminding on why it's important to think of others. I'm sure there are times when she's a great sister and shares with her brothers. Maybe she just needs some positive encouragement for the times when she DOES share and thinks of others.

If she's hiding food so she can eat it then you do have to face the fact that she is feeling like she does not have enough to eat. She's hiding food so she can have it to eat because she's hungry. You need to re-think punishing her because she's hungry.

That seems too harsh to me. She does need to be able to talk to you about her feelings though. She doesn't want to hear how someone else has diabetes or how she can't have this or that. She needs to eat healthy of course but perhaps you need to think about letting each child pick out a special food each week and have their own place to keep where no one else will touch it.

http://www.todaysparent.com/hiding-or-hoarding-food

http://www.momdishesitout.com/2012/06/27/is-your-child-hi...

http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/ramani-durvasula-phd/hoardin...

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/when-your-child-has-obse...

Give these a read and see if any apply to your situation. Depending on what you see, it may be a psycological issue- read Dr. Oz and psychcentral articles.First 2 have great tips on how to address. Good luck.

Hmm, I have to say, I hate to make food an issue. I only buy and provide what I am comfortable with my kids consuming.
If this is becoming a problem maybe you should see a counselor, or therapist?
It may be time to look at deeper issues here....

Believe me kids do this all the time! They do it because they know their parents will say no to them. Other reasons are they could be self conscience about their weight if they are feeling chubby ( for lack of a better word) They may also do this if they want the junk food all to themselves because it tastes good and don't want it to run out fast if it were shared. Hop this helps
-Tori

I did this when I was a kid. Of course I had four older brothers and a little sister and we were poor and rarely had enough food, let alone the good stuff so I am sure that the reason I did it was not the reason your daughter did.
There are so many possible reasons, I bet it's the most basic one of not wanting to share and knowing that you would not approve of her doing it so that is why she didn't tell or ask.
Having a 10 yr old girl I think the answer is to just talk to her about it. Perhaps give her a spot in the kitchen that is HERS and that no one else will bother, both in the fridge, freezer and cabinet. I think she just needs to have some of her own stuff. Sharing is hard!

I see that you updated that she gets plenty of food, and snacks. I think I understand what you are saying. You are not limiting her intake of food in general, but you do limit the number of sweets she gets...because she would eat and eat them. I'm guessing you offer her meals, and all the snacks you listed, and let her have sweets in moderation. Is that correct? If so, that seems like a practical and healthy way to live. Moderation is not denying her anything, but making a treat a treat. That's the picture I have in my head, of what you are trying to tell us. You are upset, that she will take all of one food and not care that no one else gets to eat. Does that sound right?

If all of that above is true, this almost sounds like a compulsion. One of my siblings went through a major phase of food hiding and hoarding. It really had nothing to do with food, rather other things she was going through. She found comfort in food, and her ability to control what she took, and what she ate. This was a tool of coping, and having an amount of control, or a say in some way. Let reiterate, it had NOTHING to do with her being hungry. She was not hungry. Have you explored this avenue with your daughter? Is she going through something at school, or with other children? Is there a chance she is being bullied by someone, or treated badly? If she REALLY does feel hungry constantly, she could have a hormonal, nutritional, or thyroid imbalance. Perhaps, it's time for a doctor's visit.

Clean her room out and tell your child if she would like something more to eat then is provided at the table, she can ask and the answer will be YES or NO.

Hi there! You sound like excellent, caring parents and I just want to let you know this behavior is somewhat normal,although undesireable. Both of my kids went through the lying thing and nothing infuriates me more, but of course I have to stay calm. I would talk to her calmly, and tell her kind of what you said here- that it belonged to the wholefamily , not fair or a good example to siblings. Kids that age put a big importance on "fairness". Try to appeal to her being the oldest and give her responsibility for something to make her feel powerful and important. The responsible older sister. Good luck and merry Christmas!

There is a condition, can't remember name, that causes some people to crave carbs and sometimes salty foods.

I think you should talk to a nutrititionist about this and about the diabetes in your family. Diabetes is an auto-immune disease in which the immune system attacks the pancreas. Diet and exercise do play a part in this but eating foods high in sugar does not cause diabetes, by itself.

Also kids going through a growth spurt are just plain HUNGRY all the time.

I have a 10 year old that sneaks sweets too. I have to hide her Halloween candy, etc. If it's in the house she will find it and eat it. I'm not too concerned about it - I just don't keep candy in the house. That seems to be her weak point.

When I was young I used to make frosting, take the whole batch, lock the bathroom door and eat it.I had to make the sugary foods! And other such things.
My mother is about five eight and never battled a day with a weight problem. I am five feet tall and have always fought it.She reminded me almost constantly what was necessary to be skinny. Like her.Food was a big issue. In different ways. And the more of an issue it became the more shame I felt. Hence I wanted more food. It felt good.
Food in this case doesn't become a weight problem, a future diabetic problem or anything. It is a control issue. I am watching my sister in law get into this with my nephew. As in most cases, the bigger deal you make of it, or denying it, the more of a 'wan't it becomes'...the more ashamed the more they want more, the more vicious cycle,and the more they convince themselves you don't love them.May I suggest and I saw you said 'your husband and you', that you include her in your cookathons that you forgive her for her past behaviors which looking at all of them makes you not enjoy who she is so much but wishing who she 'would be'. It is not so much selfishness here as self centeredness, somewhat like a hoarder. Selfishness kind of indicates that the person is trying to deprive others and it sounds like she just really wishes to stock up much like depression babies not realizing that the frozen defrosted whatsit is not going to be the same anyway. And if this is the only issue, take the door off of her room for awhile and if it is really severe (more than disappointing but medically an issue) see a doctor or therapist.